Breaking all parenting rules
ldoo
member
So, my girls spent their first nights with their dad this week. I went to get them this morning. He was barely awake, unaware of the time, hadn't fed them the breakfast he had promised. So my 4yo was mad and didn't want to come with me cause she wanted her promised breakfast with daddy.
Long story short, he then made the breakfast even though it was my time to have the girls and I had to get them to daycare so I could get to work (daycare is with my mom). He purposely made me late for work; lazed around in bed rather than getting up and being a dad; messed with their routine and what he had promised; and yelled at me in front of the girls.
Seriously? I could have refused to let them have breakfast there, but that would have upset them, so I just went home. I waited 30 minutes, then my mom went to get them. I saw them for about 20 minutes, then got to work an hour and half late.
He is doing everything he can to screw with me, which we know really hurts the kids.
Any advice on damage control for my poor girls? And is the best tactic to just avoid being around him if at all possible (ie: having my mom do drop-off and pick-ups)? How do you handle a situation like that without fighting in front of the girls and making them feel like they have to choose?
Thanks!
Re: Breaking all parenting rules
Thank you. I do document it all. And as of this morning, my lawyer is filing a parenting plan with specific times. I see no reason why he should have a problem with the plan, since it's just what we're already doing. But something tells me he'll fight it.
Thanks!
This exactly, I hated having to document and thought, "oh its not a big deal, I don't really HAVE to". But yes, you really have to.
Can you guys tell me what the documentation is used for? I mean, I'm not having him declared an unfit parent or anything. So where does the documentation of all his "wrong doings" come into play?
Unfortunately you have to develop the "you never know" attitude. Anything can happen, especially if things aren't 100% happy and friendly between the two of you. For instance, I didn't think I would need to document all the times XH was late, missed his days, brought DS home early, rescheduled, all the horrible things he would say to me. I just tried to play nice, thinking that as long as DS still saw his dad I would gladly suffer the consequences for DS's benefit. Then XH started dating someone that I DO NOT LIKE, (DCFS called on her in the past, kids taken away, etc). On top of that they moved an hour and a half away and have no vehicle. Because of these things I am not comfortable letting him have DS, so his visitation has been seriously cut down to once a month. Anywho, I had had enough of XH taking advantage of my wanting to try to get along for DS's sake, and I finally told him that the visitation we agreed on is not going to be a 'suggestion'. If he misses his weekend he waits until the next scheduled weekend, no swapping/pushing it back a week, nothing. Well XH proceeds to tell me he wants DS 2 full weeks a month. We fight, I tell him its not happening. XH says he will get a lawyer and take me to court...this is where the 'documentation that I never thought I would need' comes in.
Good to know! So even this morning when he texted 45 minutes early that I could come get them whenever, that I'll document too. Granted, I was ECSTATIC to pick them up early.
So, was your XH proven unfit? My thing is my STBXH is definitely drinking too much, doesn't get up with them to get them ready like he should, gripes at me in front of them and pulled that BS last week with not having them ready when they were supposed to be. For that reason, and the fact that they're 2 and almost 4 and I've always been the main caregiver, I'm not OK with him having them as much as he does (3 days a week), let alone MORE. But I don't really know that a court would agree to take time away from him for those relatively small infractions, would they? (I live in Kansas where supposedly mothers don't have any greater rights than fathers.)