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Infertility Veterans
Roxie5739
member
Goodbye, Farewell?. Amen (long)
Roxie5739
member
Beta #2 was 27. It is a chemical or as the nurse said a "biochemical" pregnancy. That I find hard to stomach as we knew we had a chromosomally normal embryo so I do not understand what went wrong.
With that said, we are officially at the end of our TTC journey. I am 40 in August and DH is 48 so I think we are both at the end in our own ways, and I just have really crappy eggs for my age.
I really should have seen this coming, and in a way I think I did but had to cycle again to eliminate the "what ifs" that I will have for the rest of my life. Just so you see where I am coming from, these are my stats for my 2 IVF's: Eggs Retrieved = 36, Eggs Fertilized = 22, Embryos survived to biopsy (PGD) = 10, Chromosomally Normal = 2 (froze for FET), Survived thaw for FET = 1, Transferred = 1, Pregnancy = 0.
So the odds have been against me all along, and I well know that this is a numbers game but 1 healthy blast out of 36 eggs is a numbers game that I am now not willing to play anymore. There is just too much heartache and disappointment with this whole process.
I would like to thank you all for all your support and words of wisdom throughout this whole process. I could not have done it without you all, there are a few in particular and a few that had Chromosome issues like me that were a pillar of strength to me when I had IVF #1 fail due to chromosomal defects.
For me to move on from this devastation and to find a new path in this life, I will have to sign off from TB. I wish all of you success in your struggles, that you all one day have a LO in your arms. You are all very special women, fighting a battle that none of us should ever have to endure. These are the cards that I have been dealt in life and I need to accept it and move on.
I will lurk for a day or so to disengage from TB. I need to go back to the RE on Tuesday for another beta until it is zero.
I think it is time for a vacation, a change in career/job and a journey to find life beyond having a child. Still yet to have my real ugly cry....
Thank you and Good-bye.
Trish
Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!
Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Goodbye, Farewell?. Amen (long)
(((Huge hugs))) I was hoping this was "it" for you! This post breaks my heart
You will be missed. Thank you for sharing your IF journey with us. I will miss seeing you on the board!!!
GL with you plans for the future. Please check in with us from time to time and let us know how things are going for you and your DH!!!
::: Married June 2003:::
TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture.
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015
http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
-------------------------
TTC Since 10/2007 with no luck and a 'go with the flow' attitude
1/1010 FINALLY decided to have testing done, dx MFI
7/2010 - DH starts Clomid to increase testosterone and hopefully sperm count
10/2010 - Still low (but improved) sperm count.
11/30/10 - IUI #1 and only = BFN
February 2011 - IVF #1 w/ ICSI =
Chemical PG (Beta 1: 10, Beta 2: 19, Beta 3: 17) :-(
April 2011 - IVF #2 w/ ICSI = BFN :-(
September 2011 - IVF #3 w/ ICSI = BFFN
November 2011 - AMH level tested - .83 (normal for age range)
February 2012 - IVF #4 w/ ICSI = (best response ever yet still) BFFN
April 2012 - DNA testing - NORMAL, RE suggests cycling again with own eggs or using DE
On Break indefinitely...not sure we can afford the emotional and financial roller coaster anymore.
*PAIFW/SAIFW*
I don't know the words to express how sorry I am for your loss and that this road has come to an end. Only you can know when it's time. It's brave of you both to know it and to follow through. Trish, you deserve to find yourself again and to live a life that isn't burdened by the pain and stress of treatment. I only wish you could fast forward through the ugly cries to the day you wake up and think, "I am happy, today is a good day, and I have a great life." That day will come. For now, know that we're with you in spirit as you navigate this transition. You will be missed sweetie. Gigantic hugs for you.
Baby boy Henry born 2015.
Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
EDD 2/22/2013
PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
Huge hugs. I'm so heartbroken for you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish you and your Dh much happiness in the future.
IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer
Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
**P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**
Early loss 10/08
Lap 1/09
IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
2 frosties but don't know what's next
FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!
::hugs::
thinking of you and wishing you the best as you move forward.
TTC #2 since June '08
~*DD 10.21.07*~
dx unexplained
IUI #1-4 BFN
IVF#1 June 2011 BFN
IVF#2 Dec 2011
Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634
EDD 8/25
*PAIFW/SAIFW*
Huge Hugs. I had those same stats too. 36 er and only 1 normal one in the bunch (i am aware that i got incredibly lucky). I know how it sucks to have the number against u like that.
I wish u happiness with whatever you choose to do, moving forward.
IVF #1-July 2011 7/9/11-Started Stims
7/20/11-ER:No eggs in 4/5 follicles. Left the 5th follie intact and converted to an IUI
8/3/11-Beta #1=BFN,
Nov, 2011 BFP #1=m/c at 7 wks 3 days
11/11-AMH .47, IVF #2 March 2012...or not!! Surprise BFP on 2/19. Beta #1=161. Beta #2 305 Our little miracle girl is on her way! Due Oct 29, 2012
<a href="http://s1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb461/andersenspics/?action=view
Oh sweetness, my heart is absolutely breaking for you! I am so so very sorry you are going through this. This just isn't F-ing fair. ((huge hugs))
If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to let me know. So much love to you.
Dx: DH - Azoo, Me - Mild PCOS
DH - sperm found! Seems to produce only for a few days every 70 days!
Over 1 million in cryo in 15 vials over 6 samples
IVF #1 - 1 beautiful expanded blast transferred, 4 snowbabies - beta #1 11/30/11 = BFFN
FET #1, transfered 2 embies 2/16/12 = BFFN; 1 snowbaby left in cryo
IVF #2 + CGH = 4 genetically normal embies on ice. FET September 26th
SAIF/PAIF always welcome
a special GL and prayers to my IF sister Gregermis
check out my blog!
***ticker warning***
Roxie, I am so sorry this is the way things have turned out. I am absolutely heartbroken right now for you. Only you can know when it is time to move on, as PP said, and you have to do what's right for you. I wish you nothing but the absolute best and pray that you find peace and happiness soon away from this outcome.
HUGE ((HUGS)) to you my friend
IF is so unfair & I am so sorry you've come to the end of your journey without a child. Please take care of yourself & keep in touch if you feel it would be helpful to you. I wish you nothing but the best.
((HUGE HUGS))
Forever our's October 17th 2012
((HUGS))
i'm so sorry cutie.
GL with everything and i wish you and DH much peace.
Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)
It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
((BIG HUGE HUGS))
I'm so, so sorry Roxie. I wish things had turned out differently. I wish you and your husband nothing but peace and joy as you move on to this next chapter of your lives.
((MORE HUGS))
Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
E & C Born 10/19/2012
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy.
Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
Countless BFN(s)
Moving to IVF
IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy
Pressing Forward
IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN
FET. 2TFR'ed.
Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
Where do we go from here?
Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
Finally some (tough) answers.
IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!
Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224!
1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats! Overjoyed!
Dx PCOS 2003/high fasting insulin/clotting issues DH Dx with low sperm count, motility and morphology. Varicocele repair (11/1/2010)
2/2011 - Confirmed no improvement - On to Donor Sperm
4 failed IUIs in 2010
IUI#5 and 6- with DS, BFN
Final IUI - Lucky #7! IUI with DS - 20.Jun.2011 - 21.5 mil motile! Not so lucky - BFFN and the end of our IF journey....
Waiting for our family to be complete through Adoption - May 2012 - Hoping our baby finds us soon!
I wish you peace moving forward. Truly. I hope that whatever path you move towards, you are able to build a life that feels beautiful and meaningful. I hope this doesn't sound cliche because it is really what I hope for all of us. I know how lucky I have been but it wasn't so long ago that I was right where you are. I remember it so well and I wish for you the absolute best.
3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
PAIF/SAIF always welcome
me 33/DH 36
ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014
I am so very sorry it came down to this decision for you. A CP is a heart wrenching way to go out, although of course no way is easy. Just wish it could have been different...
...I am sending you all my best wishes for a life filled with meaning and happiness. Huge hugs!