I met a great guy! BUT...... — The Bump
Single Parents

I met a great guy! BUT......

SO.... this last year has been the year from hell. Split with XH, became single parent, close family member died unexpectedly, and then finding out one of my parents has cancer. A few weeks ago I met this great guy! He is very sweet, understanding (I don't get to see him as much as we'd like bc I don't have a babysitter often, and I am not into introducing him to my little one any time soon, and he's cool with that although would like to meet her), he likes to cook, likes to stay busy, not a couch potato, he is soooo good looking, very in shape, we have so much fun together. So whats the catch? He tells me the other day that he has herpes. Now, we have not had any sexual contact at all, and are taking things very slow. But I'm just not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I'm like omg I do not want to get it, Im paranoid enough about a freakin cold sore.....(which I have never had) But, on the other hand, he was completely honest (a hard to find trait, for sure) and upfront. I know about it now and can protect myself. I have been doing some research and there are lots of couples where one has it and the other never gets it because they are careful, others are not so careful and still don't get it (I would NOT be in that category LOL) I'm just worried I'll get it. There is a stigma (an unfair one, even I'll admit that) attached to it and I am not sure I can deal with it. Say I do get it, well its soooo much more of a stigma to be a single mom with it than it is to be a single guy with it for sure. I am being selfish here, but it doesn't bother me that he has it, I can work around that. I am worried I'll get it, and if we break up, I'll have to tell prospective partners about it, and I live in a small town, so the whole town would know..... ugh. I hate to write him off though, he seems like a really great stand-up guy. He didn't have to tell me at this point at all. So, what would you do? Would you run away, or would you just date for a long time to see if it was really going to be something worth the risk? Keep in mind that transmission while using a condom is still possible, but very low. And also keep in mind that tons of people have it and don't show any symptoms, or don't tell you. So chances are you will or already have come into contact with someone who has it. TYIA [poll]

Re: I met a great guy! BUT......

  • Ok, I suggest not having sex with him until you are sure this guy will be around forever. If he's so great he will be ok with that. And I think it has a lot to do with how he got it. Was it because he slept around a lot? Or a gf cheated and gave him it, etc.

     

    But I would personally not risk it until knowing this person could be in my life forever.

  • I still believe in forever but I realize it comes with a side of never-never...

    Wait awhile to make sure this is something you can deal with and them protect yourself.  I agree that couples make this work safely and you can too but go slow. He sounds honest and patient so just have fun in the mean time :) GL 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Single mama - beautiful baby - learning to live
  • When he told me about it, he said that he got it from an xgf who didn't know she had it. :( And I am leaning the same way as you. I won't be sleeping with him until I feel its a forever thing. Just not sure I believe in forever, as I thought I had it before LOL
  • I'm sure it can be hard to believe in forever after a divorce, but it will happen. But I think I'd still give him a chance because he could have lied like I'm sure many guys have done, but he had enough respect for you to tell you. I say that's a guy worth giving a chance!
  • My best friend cheated on her husband (now XH) and obtained herpes from the other man. She lives with it daily and has not gone on a date in over 2 years!! She is gorgeous too but would rather not deal with the embarrassment of telling a guy she really likes about it.

    My advice: USE PROTECTION and be very very careful. I would make sure that you both love each other and are both in it for the long run too before I would jump in the sack. Thank goodness he told you up front!! Now that is a man!!

    TTC#2 with my hero, my inspiration, my United States Marine! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards