Guy Gyno...

FlashFry

Hello, I just got back from my wife's second appointment with her doctor everything appears to be going well. She is 11 weeks along and the baby had a strong heart beat on the Doppler. The one thing that was a little strange was that her normal doctor was out for surgery (a female), so she had to have a different doctor look her over (a male).

Let me say first off that the male doctor was very nice and professional. It was just kind of weird seeing another man feel my wife's breasts. she also had a pap smear done which also made me made uneasy because the device they used came out with blood on it. They said this was normal but my initial thought was "this guy is making my wife's vagina bleed.."

I don't want you guys to think I was sitting there getting angry or jealous but it was just kind of a weird feeling... almost like a helpless feeling. 

I was wondering if any of you have felt helpless or anything while sitting there with your wives during any of their appointments. Did it matter to you if they were seeing a guy or a girl?

ladyjenna13

Glad it wasn't me!!!

Early on in the pregnancy my wife was given the WHOLE exam...stirups and all.  That was with her female doctor and I still got weirded out by it!!

I guess you just have to remember that this guy is doing a job just like any of us do our jobs. I have doctor's in my family, and they are so far removed from seeing the body as something other than a slab of meat on a table.  They have to deal with all the different body types and illnesses that they see and treat....just a slab to them.

Just remember, they are on the clock at work, just like us.  Easier said then done, I'm sure!!

synchrosally

Most of my OBs were men. Honestly even for me it was a little weird at first and I prefer a woman. My H never came to any of my appointments, just ultrasounds, so he never had to be weirded out with me.

FlashFry

The stirrups were busted out during this visit as well. But yeah, he was very professional and everything, it was just kind of weird. My wife and I were both Virgins when we got married and she had never had a male doctor before either so basically... he was the only other guy to every touch her like that other than me. Just kinda weird is all.

jtudorica

Also realize that the "touch" he gave her is quite different from the "touch(es)" you give her. Unless of course you are an OB/GYN. As mentioned before, he's there to give care, not take advantage of.

ali_bl-nov05

Flash, believe me, there's nothing sexy about a gyno exam, for either party.

 Sure it's weird to have somebody else touch your partner, but you seem to be uneasy by the fact that this doctor was a men. Don't worry about it.

FlashFry

Yeah, he was super nice and explained everything he was doing and was very professional. Like I said it was just a little strange. I am sure I probably would have felt the same way if it wasn't a guy, but I am not sure. It was just weird, I don't know how to describe it. I know there was nothing sexual about it at and I really hope you don't thing I am freaking out about it or that I was worried about him feeling her up or anything... I was just looking to get a guys opinion on how they have/would feel about the situation.

LILBIT1221

what you just described is exactly why I tell my DH not to bother coming to my visits. Like PP said, it's weird for us too, I can't imagine what you guys must think.

iWesleyd08

My wife had a guy OB the whole way through her pregnancy. I went to almost all of the appointments. At first I thought it was a little weird but after the 1st app, i didn't really care. I just wanted him to do his job so that I knew my baby was fine. The first app I went to she had her legs up and everything. He asked me and DW  if we were uncomfortable with me being there but we were fine. 

Most of my family is in the medical field so I'm kind of numb to all of it. As long as hes doing his job then all is good. 

 I'm sure that the OB would understand if you let them know were uncomfortable.

DavidStamps

Sorry Bud,

It can feel a little weird being in the room, but I've attended all of my wife's visits and it does get easier. The gyno is just doing their job and making sure that your kid and wife are healthy. As long as your wife feels okay and everything is fine, you should be good. And prep yourself...my kid isn't here yet, but from what I hear...it gets a little messy and very personal when they are born.

iWesleyd08

DavidStamps:

Sorry Bud,

It can feel a little weird being in the room, but I've attended all of my wife's visits and it does get easier. The gyno is just doing their job and making sure that your kid and wife are healthy. As long as your wife feels okay and everything is fine, you should be good. And prep yourself...my kid isn't here yet, but from what I hear...it gets a little messy and very personal when they are born.

 Little messy being a HUGE understatement. I heard a lot of 'horror' stories from giving birth but none of it gives any justice to when you see it in person. 

StayHomeDad

I was not weirded out at all.  I don't know if it was the pap or what but it was a blood bath.   I kept that to myself til she was done.  I would be fine with a guy too.  I'm pretty relaxed and can separate out that it would be his job pretty well.  My wife doesn't like the idea of a male OB which is 100% her right, so I probably won't have to deal with it.

J&A2008

My H also only went along for the ultrasounds only.

I also prefer male OB/GYNs because they are more gentle and more responsive when you mention something is uncomfortable - definitely someone I want caring for me through childbirth.  I have also had bad experiences with female doctors being rougher and less caring.

ladyjenna13

LILBIT1221:

what you just described is exactly why I tell my DH not to bother coming to my visits. Like PP said, it's weird for us too, I can't imagine what you guys must think.

Well, your husband, and you for that matter, are missing out on really special moments if you guys are not going to visits together.  I cannot imagine not going, even if it is just to hear the heartbeat, which we have had to do nearly ever week during the second trimester.  The one uncomfortable exam is far in the past, and now it is all about the baby, and my wifes condition at the time.

I am never uncomfortable now, nor is my wife, and I love hearing baby boy's heartbeat each visit.  I look forward to it all day when I am at work!  The women who do go alone to our doc's office always look abandoned and sad....while all the other women are there with their men.  I feel sorry for them.

StayHomeDad

I agree.  I always wonder what their situation might be and feel a little sad that it might not be what they want.  I really enjoy being involved as possible with everything and I believe my daughter will be able to sense that after she is born. 

J&A2008

ladyjenna13:

The women who do go alone to our doc's office always look abandoned and sad....while all the other women are there with their men.  I feel sorry for them.

Don't feel too bad!  My husband was home with our middle son the other visits - the other reason he came for u/s only.  Many moms aren't on their first child as you guys are. 

StayHomeDad

J&A2008:

ladyjenna13:

The women who do go alone to our doc's office always look abandoned and sad....while all the other women are there with their men.  I feel sorry for them.

Don't feel too bad!  My husband was home with our middle son the other visits - the other reason he came for u/s only.  Many moms aren't on their first child as you guys are. 

Thank you for that note.  As crazy as it sounds this never even crossed my mind.  I think part of it is that they look sad so it immediately turns into negative thoughts.  I guess we all look like that waiting for any Dr.'s appointment though.

nurrieum

My DH goes to all my appointments with me- with my history I can get panicky during pelvic exams and so it's a big comfort to have him there because I feel safe. The way our OB works is that it's a mixture of men and woman and you see different people throughout your pregnancy. My DH has said he feel better knowing that I want him there and that his presence actually helps me- that's helped him from feeling helpless when they're doing checks that are uncomfortable because he has a purpose. He hasn't expressed any issue with the OB's being male other than he felt like one was a little too friendly with him! lol

twindaddy

I really never felt uncomfortable with her male OB. She also had a male reproductive endocrinologist. It was a little strange at first because there are so may appointments and exams as you get closer to the transfer. However he was always very professional and he would always have a female nurse in the room during the exams. I think by the time we got to the OB appointments we had been through so much I was used to it. She also had a very understanding OB and you could ask him anything. He has been the chair of the OB department at the hospital. I'm really glad we had him because my wife ran into some major issues right before the birth and I'm glad he had the expertise to get the babies out safely and get my wife through it. My wife was in ICU for 3 days after the C-section and he came down several times a day to see how I was doing and how she was doing even though at that point he was not her attending physician. 

a2pfunk

I get what you are saying.

I mean, as a rational adult you KNOW that it is a medical procedure. I am also totally clear ont he fact that there is nothing sexual or enjoyable about any part of the process. But that doesn't change the fact that there is something weird about sitting in a chair while some dude is knuckles deep in your wife's hoo-ha. I'm not talking uncomfortable, or jealousy, or anything. It is just a weird thought.

Personally I am skeptical of male gynos.  I mean I LOVE the female body. I couldn't imagine a job where I had to see them in all sorts of disaray and train-wreckery.  It is like if you were REALLY into seafood, but only got to eat stuff that washed up on the beach near Three Mile Island.

Perhaps fish is a bad reference.

 

iamwhatim

My hubby was so bugged with a first male OBGYN we saw in absence of our other OBGYN, thinking he was rough and was not gentle enough with me.He was so upset that he mentioned that we don't want to see him if ever even if our Doc is not available.

Sheep Dog

I am probably coming from a different background in terms of this as a nurse.  My wife's appointments never seemed to bother me unless it looked like she was physically uncomfortable from an exam etc.  I was not bothered by the exam itself but always felt a bit bad that it was uncomfortable for her.

If it helps, during my OB rotation, I was uncomfortable when a husband or boyfriend was in the room because I always thought to myself :I hope this guy understands I am only doing my job and nothing more".  I definitely recognize it can be a very odd time for partners to see such an intimate exam performed by a stranger and I think it is a natural reaction.  Don't worry, I am sure your feeling were normal and it is good that you recognize that the OB/GYN was only doing his job and nothing more.

drmsg

Perfectly normal to feels that way. I am a male OB/GYN and I felt that way at my wife's first OB appointment.

KurtDasha

You have to remember it is just a doctors appointment and nothing else. Seeing blood can make things freaky no matter who is doing the exam.