Hi. I've been lurking on and off for a few months, whenever I have time. My little guy (my first) just turned 7 months and for the most part he is an absolute angel. I do struggle with sleep and naps though and in my heart I am committed to AP (not the label but it's just what felt natural and right from the start) but sometimes I falter and it really just feels unbelievably draining. We bedshare and up until a couple months ago he napped in his crib. I thought that was a perfect combination because he would get used to his crib and that would make the eventual transition easier.
He cut his first two teeth at the beginning of May and since then he barely ever allows us to put him to sleep in his crib. I've never been able to put him down "drowsy" and he's pretty terrible at self-soothing. Since I am pretty against CIO, I avoided that for a while. Then, feeling completely drained of energy, physical and emotional, I have tried it a few times just to see if he can fall asleep with just patting him on his back, picking him up after a few minutes, etc. No dice. He will cry until he's blue in the face, probably for hours if I let him.
Another thing that is driving me crazy is he will not stay asleep at night unless I'm in bed with him. If I am in bed, he'll sleep 12 hours and nurse a couple times while he's asleep. But it's obviously not very conducive to having any kind of life if I have to be in bed with him at 7 pm. I have never been able to leave him with a sitter in the evening for this same reason. The cherry on top is he will not take a bottle.
I feel hopeless sometimes and I know it's probably just the crappy sleep and feeling so emotionally drained. Have I created a monster? I am starting to doubt my choices, especially since everyone and their mother has an opinion on how terrible it is for me to not have LO in his own crib and that he doesn't self-soothe. I want so badly to trust that eventually he'll learn how to sleep on his own and that the true to the spirit of AP, my being responsive to his needs will give him confidence and not make him too dependent on me.
I guess I just need encouragement that there is light at the end of this. Has anyone else felt completely drained and discouraged and second guessed their AP instincts?