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Attachment Parenting
LadyTyler
member
Bedsharing when Overweight
LadyTyler
member
My husband and I had not started off intending to bed share but since then I've discovered that our son sleeps a lot better in the early morning hours if he can sleep with me. I desperately need to be able to sleep between 5am-9am to function (plus I've fallen in love with being able to cuddle up together) so I've been getting our bed safe for sharing.
The thing that I'm confused about is that I keep seeing that overweight moms shouldn't sleep with their babies and I don't see why. I am extremely sensitive to his sounds and body movements and just because I'm heavy doesn't mean I can't feel him. I slept with my 5lb chihuahua up against me for 4 years without a single incident and I was much less in tune with her than my son!
Can anyone explain the reasoning behind this? I definitely don't want to do anything that could endanger my baby (obviously) but I'd really like to be able to bed share if possible. Thank you!
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Re: Bedsharing when Overweight
I can't remember exactly (and dr. google wasn't too helpful for me this morning), but I remember reading somewhere it has to do with the sleep cycles of obese women which make them more likely to roll over/suffocate a child.
I don't think it's so much overweight women but more with people struggling with obesity. If you can stand to lose a few pounds but aren't technically obese, I think it would be ok to bedshare.
I don't understand how you can just make this assertion without reviewing the research. Because in your one single case your child was not harmed? The research shows that among bedsharing mothers, maternal obesity increased risk of DEATH. (see Pediatrics, March 2001, Pankhurst.) Yeah, drinking and pain killers are other risk factors... Just like obesity also is. The bottom line is, yes, most kids will live. That doesn't make it a good idea to ignore the risk.
This is my situation too. I know that some obese people sleep deeply but I don't at all and I always wake up in the same position I fell asleep because i wake up to turn over for whatever reason. I wanted to know if anyone knew the reasons obesity is correlated with infant death because if it is something like the obese mothers sleeping to deeply than I don't need to worry since I don't have that problem. Its frustrating to have just a blanket "don't do it" without any clarification.
I definitely understand your point about not just pretending like the risk isn't there but with the other issues it makes sense why its a risk factor, obesity is less intuitive. I would rather not miss out on being able to bed share because of one study and a blanket assertion to just not do it without more information. It feels rather like the fact that people assert to just not bed share due to studies also showing it to be risky but there are qualifications that make it safer. If I knew that it was due to deep sleep, some people having issues where they don't feel parts of them, or so on so I could evaluate my risk it would be less frustrating.
I understand what you mean. I also tend to read scientific findings with a critical eye and get frustrated with blanket recommendations based on limited research. In this case, I'm not seeing anyone finding a credible causal link (like deep sleep, or sleep cycles, or whatever else) but rather just an observance of the correlation and a few people willing to speculate. Unfortunately, if the research is as limited as it appears to be, there may not be enough information out there for you to get the qualifications you're after. Incidentally, this is a wall I come up again with pregnancy risk factors all the time, and it's definitely a source of frustration! In these situations, I guess you can choose to be cautious and comply with the recommendations, or choose to assume the risk and hope for the best. I know we all do both sometimes, depending on the issue.
I think there's a real danger in rationalizing away the risk though. And it's a very human response.
I understand what you mean. I also tend to read scientific findings with a critical eye and get frustrated with blanket recommendations based on limited research. In this case, I'm not seeing anyone finding a credible causal link (like deep sleep, or sleep cycles, or whatever else) but rather just an observance of the correlation and a few people willing to speculate. Unfortunately, if the research is as limited as it appears to be, there may not be enough information out there for you to get the qualifications you're after. Incidentally, this is a wall I come up again with pregnancy risk factors all the time, and it's definitely a source of frustration! In these situations, I guess you can choose to be cautious and comply with the recommendations, or choose to assume the risk and hope for the best. I know we all do both sometimes, depending on the issue.
I think there's a real danger in rationalizing away the risk though. And it's a very human response.
I would love to see the research that shows merely having an overweight mother is unhealthy for children when controlled for the children's diet and activity level along with parent's socioeconomic status.
All of this. My mother wasnt overweight but I am. Not because my mother raised me to be but the way my body handles stress. When I am stressed I gain weight. After 4 yrs of being in stressful, unhealthy places (mentally and physically) I became overweight. That has nothing to do with my daughter's health. When you see studies about children being prone to obesity it is from (usually) mothers who them themselves have no control/idea of how to lose weight themselves or eat right. So for you to make a blanket statement, like loosing weight is that easy, is just rude.
How do you know I havent? That could go for the same as overweight/obese women getting pregnant. I am quite sure there is a whole group of ppl who would think we are selfish. That doesnt mean we wont do everything possible to take care of our children. Our weight has nothing to do with it.
I meant reviewing the research within your post. You claim a practice is safe when the available research contradicts you, without citing to any alternative findings or disputing the research methods used. That's intellectually lazy at best and irresponsible rationalization at worst.
https://www.pediatricsconsultant360.com/exclusive/bed-sharing-decreases-childs-risk-obesity
While being overweight does not cause sleep apnea, it does make it more likely for you to have a sleeping disorder. An increase in weight and neck size may be indicators that you have sleep apnea or suffer from other health problems. Obesity is a growing problem; an increase in body size can cause problems in your sleep. If you are overweight you are more likely to snore and to toss and turn during the night. Also, being overweight can cause increased pressure on you airway during sleep, making it more likely to close. Fatty deposits in the neck also increase the pressure put on the airway at night. These changes in the body do increase the likelihood that you may suffer from sleep apnea. It is important that if you are overweight and do not feel that you sleep very well to contact your doctor to see if you have sleep apnea- From https://sleepcare.com/obesity-and-sleep-apnea/
^This why they recommend obese/overweight women to not bed share. If you know you dont have this issue then I dont see the problem.
This has actually been the one thing I do feel concerned about but I have found some things that seem to keep it from being an issue.
I do have very mild sleep apnea but it is marked by actually consciously waking up to move and not by the constant, short, unconscious night wakings which is what seems to be the concern. As noted, I found out about the apnea because I was tested to see why I was sleeping so lightly and waking so often which seems compatible with bed sharing. Also, my apnea is not related to my obesity actually so losing weight wouldn't help in this instance (for the girl who suggested that...)
There definitely is a danger in rationalizing away risk but we also have to do that with all kinds of things. I mean, there is a known danger in taking walks, eating grapes, and swimming but you do your best to minimize them and continue doing them because there is a benefit to the activities. You have to do risk assessment on everything and while driving is infinitely more dangerous than heroin, the latter seems like a much worse choice.
I feel more inclined to assume the risk in this instance because the benefit is me being much better rested and therefore a much better and alert parent. It seems like the danger of me being really tired is actually more of a risk than careful bedsharing given my situation (obese but in good health and not a deep sleeper.) When I was really tired I struggled to drive safely and I was definitely thinking less well and much more inclined to have more immediate problems (I nodded off while he was on the changing table.)
Thank you for pointing out to be cautious though; I absolutely wanted both sides of this to try to figure out what made the most sense to me.
I know that one reason as mentioned above is the depressions formed in the bed by the weight of the body on the mattress. This could happen to many people (not just overweight people) with the too soft mattresses or waterbeds. You should test and see if such a depression is formed in your bed when you lie down that might cause your baby to roll into you.
I think if you can afford it maybe you should invest in a tatami bed with tatami mats covered with duvets. This is the way most Japanese people bedshare. It is one of the safest cultures to bedshare because they do not use soft western mattresses.
The other option is the Arm's reach co-sleeper or a Rock-n-Play in your bedroom, which would avoid the risks of bedsharing and give you most of the advantages of co-sleeping.
Also, I don't think it is appropriate to compare your fully mobile, adult chihuahua with an infant. Infants do not have the same muscle strength even of a small dog (compare trying to take a toy away from a dog to taking anything out of an infants grasps). They don't have the coordination of a small dog. A small dog can roll away from you if it wants to but even an infant who can roll on occasion may not be able to suddenly.
I know that bedsharing is a convenient way to get more sleep and such a nice way to share time with your baby. You need to do what you think is best for you and your child but don't ignore the dangers.
Well, I actually don't drive because I think it's not worth the high risk of injury, and we live in a major metro city so that we can avoid long car trips and so our daughter won't have to drive daily as a teen or be a passenger to other teen drivers to have a social life. The risk of eating a grape, of course, is incredibly low. I try really hard to overcome my biases and be sensible about the risks I am taking.
In this particular case though, it looks like co-sleeping in general is a fairly low-risk activity, and the increased risk factor may not be terribly substantial. Because the negative outcome is so horrifying (infant death) I personally would prefer not to co-sleep (although I'm not obese). The benefit of co-sleeping over just room-sharing isn't worth the risk, for me.
If you can at all afford to, Tempurpedic type mattresses are the safest for bed sharing because they don't depress and one persons movement does not affect other parts of the mattress. It doesn't need to be brand name, Wal-Mart sells knock off tempurpedics at a fraction of the cost.