Anyone else deathly afraid of a M/C

tdmd09

tdmd09:

Also, miscarriages aren't contagious, so just because other ladies on this board lose their babies doesn't mean you will lose yours as well. Every BMB I've been on there ends up being threads about "I don't like to read those miscarriage posts because they make me sad/scared" which ends up being really hurtful to the people who have had losses, because it makes it out like people who have had losses are some kind of leper that needs to be avoided. I'm not saying that's what you were implying, but I am saying that, again, miscarriages aren't contagious, they happen, they suck, and there's no point being absolutely paralyzed by the thought of it happening.

And this (points at the rest of the thread) is why I said that (points at quoted text) in my post. I knew exactly where this was going. 

kelbell0422

I suffered a m/c in January.  However, we are now 6 wks pregnant and my doctor is keeping a very close eye on me so it doesn't happen again   Keep you chin up...what is meant to be will be and everything will work out the way it is supposed to

IVFBeliever

Biggest thanks to everyone who supported me and defended me and really got the points I was trying to make over and over again. Thanks to all women who shared their experiences, their stories, and their words of wisdom with me. I will keep all of your positive thoughts and vibes in my heart as I go for my appt today. Hugs to you all and sticky stickkky thoughts to you all. Thanks for not making me feel like I was alone

IVFBeliever

DC2London:

My m/c was utterly devastating.  There were days when I wasn't sure how I was going to pick up the pieces.  In your situation, I think I would be even more terrified because of everything you had to go through to get pregnant.  To be completely frank, we have gotten pregnant very easily three times (I'm so sorry if that sounds mean, I do not intend for it to at all), and I know that there are many couples for whom it is not that easy.  All miscarriages are horrible and tremendously painful, but I think in the case of losing a hard-won pregnancy there is an extra degree of heart ache.  ((((hugs))))  I really hope everything is ok for you.

Edit: I'm not entirely happy with my word choice here.  What I'm trying to say is that every loss is awful, but there is an additional "kind" of pain in losing a hard-won pregnancy.  I'm not trying to take anything away from those who lost a surprise pregnancy, or lost a baby conceived in only one or two months TTC.  I'm not saying it's "worse," I'm just saying it is yet another thing to worry about when we are already so worried. 

Thank you that was exactly the point I was trying to make. Even though it was so hard for me I'd never be offended for someone like you who found it easy on the 'geting pregnant' side of things....ever! I'd be happy that you didn't have to go through what I have! Period!

Thank you for sharing your experience..... Thank you for being there for me

IVFBeliever

NechamaChayim:

birdiecat:

I think some of you are being unfair in this post. Your catty remarks are much more offensive to me than anything the original poster could have said. And yes, I have experienced loss- does this make me part of some special club where I'm the only one allowed to talk about it? I'm glad to ease this woman's concerns in any way I can- woman to woman. That's the kind of fellowship I prefer. 

 

Yes, I would have to agree. I read the OP and didn't find it at all offensive. The girl is is scared. This might be her one shot and she already knows that miscarriages are really difficult. I had a miscarriage over two years ago and I'm just now pregnant again. The OP's post did not offend me in the least. 

 

She was not inferring that if we spend money on our pregnancies we would not have miscarried. She's saying she won't get to try again. Period. I miscarried. We tried again and now I'm pregnant. If I miscarry this time, we'll keep trying. She is saying she won't be able to try again. I personally think that would be a difficult position and I understand why she would be nervous.

That's exactly what I am saying and that's exactly why I am so flippin nervous

Thank you! hugs 

IVFBeliever

mamasmurf12:

OP: We're all pregnant here and terrified of the exact same thing. Some are more terrified because they have already experienced loss(es). I don't think there's anything wrong with voicing your concerns/ fears. It's difficult not to be scared, when the future of your pregnancy is so unknown. Most of us will not relax until our babies are in our arms (and then we will have other fears). I saw your other post, and I really hope you don't leave as there are more people who responded with encouraging words than there are people who were offended. 

To those who were offended: I was taken aback by your responses as I had started to think this forum was different than most I've seen.  I apologize if I am being insensitive or harsh here. I am only trying to defend what is a very normal post for any pregnancy board. 

My DH lost his mom suddenly when he was 22 years old. Do you think, if my mother was sick or in a precarious position where there was even the slightest chance something could happen to her, that he would begrudge that I was terrified of something happening? Is someone who has survived a plane crash angry at the person who has a fear of flying? Come on ladies, we're ALL scared here...and since you've experienced it you may even feel that fear even more b/c you know stats don't really matter. I am really baffled at how her post is offensive. She said she was so sad for those who had losses, and that she respects such strong women who have come through adversity. I know I can't speak for y'all, but I just really don't understand it. I have never seen someone who has gone through hell get angry at someone for fearing the same thing. Wouldn't you, if you were in her shoes? Haven't you? 

Sorry, sometimes a nerve gets struck and the soap box just slides right under me :-/. I really don't hold anything against anyone here, I just felt she should be defended. 

Thank you. Exactly. I was asked earlier in the post about someone saying they'd never want to have to go through IVF and that they heard how terrible it can be and what would I do? I would calm their fears. I would be supportive. I would answer any questions they had...and In fact I did when it happened to me a week and a half ago. Just because I had to pursue it and others haven't but are scared that it's going to happen to them, I would not at all be offended. 

Your plane crash analogy and analogy about DH's mother (sorry for your and his loss by the way .... ) is bang on.  It doesn't make other peoples fears less real, less valid, or offensive just because you've had to live through your worst nightmare. 

And for the record I never said I didn't want women to post or to put disclaimers or that I wouldn't/didn't read about M/C,,,,,I said in the last couple days it's been overwhelming but I always offer support, condolences, and T&P's. And I simply said it's hard not to read them sometimes (someone suggested I just DIDN'T read them) because you don't always know what you're getting and on the IVF board I was on women often just gave a heads up to other women....who, like I said, just spent 10-15$Grand getting pregnant and are in their first TRi and hoping and praying desperately it would stick. Maybe some of those women just aren't strong enough to read about that on that day, or at that time. Many of the posters were sensitive to that, and I'm sure understand what it's like to not want to have to think about it when its on your mind so much and you're just praying this one sticks.....I never ever said to do it here, or that people suffering a loss shouldn't post, or that I don't want to read them. I read alot the past few days, plus a personal experience so it was overwhelming for me. I am being honest. How is that offensive??? I personally offer as much support I can for everyone I can whenever I can..regardless of their situation.....But that's the kind of person I am. Sometimes you just can't. SOmetimes you're overwhelmed yourself, and emotional and hormonal....I'm sure EVERYONE has been there before. 

Hasn't anyone had really bad morning sickness, and looked at the "whats for lunch posts" and had their stomach turn and you know reading that will NOT be good for you in the sensitive state your in? Yes, it's a very trivial comparison, but it makes my point. Sometimes you just can't read about certain things or give suggestions on what to eat etc.... 

Never would I ever say don't seek out support or suggestions....regardless of situation and how severe or not severe it is.... EVER. Because let's face it, that's what I was doing here and I've been jumped all over here.  

wifeofadam

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

 Get over yourself. 

I'm sorry for your losses, but just because you have suffered one doesn't make the fear and anxiety any less real for someone who hasn't.  I've had no m/c and gotten pregnant on the first try four times in a row now.  Are you saying I have no right to express anxiety about possibly losing my baby?

Seriously.  Get over yourself.

To OP, hang in there.  I'm not sure if you're a spiritual person, but prayer is the only thing that helps me through it. 

wifeofadam

JRomeH:

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

 Get over yourself. 

I'm sorry for your losses, but just because you have suffered one doesn't make the fear and anxiety any less real for someone who hasn't.  I've had no m/c and gotten pregnant on the first try four times in a row now.  Are you saying I have no right to express anxiety about possibly losing my baby?

Seriously.  Get over yourself.

To OP, hang in there.  I'm not sure if you're a spiritual person, but prayer is the only thing that helps me through it. 

Actually, I've suffered 2 losses and fear everyday for the loss of this one too.

 I never once said that those who have never experienced loss shouldn't have fear or anxiety-I just don't appreciate the "I hope what happened to you doesn't happen to me" vibe I got from it.  I'm so glad you've never m/c and get pregnant so easily.  Your point?  But thanks for telling me to get over myself.  Twice.

 

My point is that we are all allowed to express our own anxieties and fears and they have NOTHING to do with anyone else.  Her fear has nothing to do with you and your losses, but you chose to make them about you, saying they are like a slap in the face.  Get over yourself.  

I suffered from horrible morning sickness with my first.  It was debilitating.   But there are plenty of women on this board that post every day about how they WANT those symptoms and fear not having them.  That has nothing to do with me.  It isn't a slap in the face to me because they want something that caused me so much pain. 

I don't think she meant that she hopes what happened to YOU personally doesn't happen to her.  But she probably does hope that it doesn't.  I think we all hope it doesn't happen to us.  I would think that YOU would also hope that what happened to you doesn't happen to anyone else, since it has obviously caused you so much pain.  

This post had nothing to do with anyone but the OP.  She was expressing her fear and is entitled to do that.  You also have a right to make her post about you, but it doesn't mean the post originally had anything to do with you.  You're projecting your feelings onto the OP in an attempt to make her look bad for simply expressing a completely normal fear.

wifeofadam

JRomeH:

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

 Get over yourself. 

I'm sorry for your losses, but just because you have suffered one doesn't make the fear and anxiety any less real for someone who hasn't.  I've had no m/c and gotten pregnant on the first try four times in a row now.  Are you saying I have no right to express anxiety about possibly losing my baby?

Seriously.  Get over yourself.

To OP, hang in there.  I'm not sure if you're a spiritual person, but prayer is the only thing that helps me through it. 

Actually, I've suffered 2 losses and fear everyday for the loss of this one too.

 I never once said that those who have never experienced loss shouldn't have fear or anxiety-I just don't appreciate the "I hope what happened to you doesn't happen to me" vibe I got from it.  I'm so glad you've never m/c and get pregnant so easily.  Your point?  But thanks for telling me to get over myself.  Twice.

 

My point is that we are all allowed to express our own anxieties and fears and they have NOTHING to do with anyone else.  Her fear has nothing to do with you and your losses, but you chose to make them about you, saying they are like a slap in the face.  Get over yourself.  

I suffered from horrible morning sickness with my first.  It was debilitating.   But there are plenty of women on this board that post every day about how they WANT those symptoms and fear not having them.  That has nothing to do with me.  It isn't a slap in the face to me because they want something that caused me so much pain. 

I don't think she meant that she hopes what happened to YOU personally doesn't happen to her.  But she probably does hope that it doesn't.  I think we all hope it doesn't happen to us.  I would think that YOU would also hope that what happened to you doesn't happen to anyone else, since it has obviously caused you so much pain.  

This post had nothing to do with anyone but the OP.  She was expressing her fear and is entitled to do that.  You also have a right to make her post about you, but it doesn't mean the post originally had anything to do with you.

Glad we got that cleared up.  And for telling me for a third time to get over myself. 

Any time.  You're welcome

Mash67

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

 Get over yourself. 

I'm sorry for your losses, but just because you have suffered one doesn't make the fear and anxiety any less real for someone who hasn't.  I've had no m/c and gotten pregnant on the first try four times in a row now.  Are you saying I have no right to express anxiety about possibly losing my baby?

Seriously.  Get over yourself.

To OP, hang in there.  I'm not sure if you're a spiritual person, but prayer is the only thing that helps me through it. 

Actually, I've suffered 2 losses and fear everyday for the loss of this one too.

 I never once said that those who have never experienced loss shouldn't have fear or anxiety-I just don't appreciate the "I hope what happened to you doesn't happen to me" vibe I got from it.  I'm so glad you've never m/c and get pregnant so easily.  Your point?  But thanks for telling me to get over myself.  Twice.

 

My point is that we are all allowed to express our own anxieties and fears and they have NOTHING to do with anyone else.  Her fear has nothing to do with you and your losses, but you chose to make them about you, saying they are like a slap in the face.  Get over yourself.  

I suffered from horrible morning sickness with my first.  It was debilitating.   But there are plenty of women on this board that post every day about how they WANT those symptoms and fear not having them.  That has nothing to do with me.  It isn't a slap in the face to me because they want something that caused me so much pain. 

I don't think she meant that she hopes what happened to YOU personally doesn't happen to her.  But she probably does hope that it doesn't.  I think we all hope it doesn't happen to us.  I would think that YOU would also hope that what happened to you doesn't happen to anyone else, since it has obviously caused you so much pain.  

This post had nothing to do with anyone but the OP.  She was expressing her fear and is entitled to do that.  You also have a right to make her post about you, but it doesn't mean the post originally had anything to do with you.

 

Umm... actually thats where you are wrong.  She the OP did express how seeing other peoples posts about MC do affect her, and that directly affects those of us in the "club" who have suffered losses.  Whether or not you have had a loss people still worry and its natural, so for you to tell others to get over their selves is ridiculous

wifeofadam

Mash67:

Umm... actually thats where you are wrong.  She the OP did express how seeing other peoples posts about MC do affect her, and that directly affects those of us in the "club" who have suffered losses.  Whether or not you have had a loss people still worry and its natural, so for you to tell others to get over their selves is ridiculous

Well, when the OP starts going into posts that other people have started to express their own problems or m/c, makes them about her, and then attempts to make the OP feel badly because of her own insecurities, then I'll tell her to get over herself too.  From what I see, she didn't do that.  But she did make a disclaimer knowing that others would.

And for the record, I'm not saying to get over your losses.  I'm saying to get over your need to make this post about you.

LSzwaya

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

This x10. 

landosmommy

JRomeH:

IVFBeliever:

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

That's exactly what I didn't want. Which is why i specifically added a disclaimer at the end of my post. I am terrified because I empathize with what you and other people I know personally have gone through m/c's. I have never experienced it, I have only been close to those that have and I realized second hand how truely devastating it is which is WHY I am so much more worried.

I'm sorry I don't understand how this is a slap in the face for you when it is me being honest about how I am feeling because I have been told what a loss is like. What multiple losses are like.... it scares me so much. How is that a slap in the face for you? Like I don't have the right to be scared and seek out encouragement and positivity just because I haven't personally suffered a loss? Just because I haven't had one I can't admit to being terrified of one?

I am truly sorry for any losses and difficulties you have experienced. I hope you will never ever have to again.

The fact that I have not experienced this but am scared should not be viewed as offensive or a slap in the face....like what the heck??? 

You knew you would possibly offend someone, which is why you added your "disclaimer".  Just because you added that doesn't mean that your post shouldn't upset anyone.  I find it insensitive and selfish.  That's my just my opinion. 

I hope you never have to know the pain of a loss.  We're all pregnant here and facing the same reality that some of us have and will miscarry.  I'm not going to hold your hand and give you a cookie just because you're scared of the possibility.  

Well said!!

IVFBeliever

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

+adamwife+:

JRomeH:

This post rubs me the wrong way so much.  There are women in here who truly have suffered, and we are all terrified, But I can't say that I've seen any of us express that here.  Your complaining is like a slap in the face to me.  

 Get over yourself. 

I'm sorry for your losses, but just because you have suffered one doesn't make the fear and anxiety any less real for someone who hasn't.  I've had no m/c and gotten pregnant on the first try four times in a row now.  Are you saying I have no right to express anxiety about possibly losing my baby?

Seriously.  Get over yourself.

To OP, hang in there.  I'm not sure if you're a spiritual person, but prayer is the only thing that helps me through it. 

Actually, I've suffered 2 losses and fear everyday for the loss of this one too.

 I never once said that those who have never experienced loss shouldn't have fear or anxiety-I just don't appreciate the "I hope what happened to you doesn't happen to me" vibe I got from it.  I'm so glad you've never m/c and get pregnant so easily.  Your point?  But thanks for telling me to get over myself.  Twice.

 

My point is that we are all allowed to express our own anxieties and fears and they have NOTHING to do with anyone else.  Her fear has nothing to do with you and your losses, but you chose to make them about you, saying they are like a slap in the face.  Get over yourself.  

I suffered from horrible morning sickness with my first.  It was debilitating.   But there are plenty of women on this board that post every day about how they WANT those symptoms and fear not having them.  That has nothing to do with me.  It isn't a slap in the face to me because they want something that caused me so much pain. 

I don't think she meant that she hopes what happened to YOU personally doesn't happen to her.  But she probably does hope that it doesn't.  I think we all hope it doesn't happen to us.  I would think that YOU would also hope that what happened to you doesn't happen to anyone else, since it has obviously caused you so much pain.  

This post had nothing to do with anyone but the OP.  She was expressing her fear and is entitled to do that.  You also have a right to make her post about you, but it doesn't mean the post originally had anything to do with you.  You're projecting your feelings onto the OP in an attempt to make her look bad for simply expressing a completely normal fear.

Extremely well said. You hit it bang on. BANG on. 

IVFBeliever

+adamwife+:

Mash67:

Umm... actually thats where you are wrong.  She the OP did express how seeing other peoples posts about MC do affect her, and that directly affects those of us in the "club" who have suffered losses.  Whether or not you have had a loss people still worry and its natural, so for you to tell others to get over their selves is ridiculous

Well, when the OP starts going into posts that other people have started to express their own problems or m/c, makes them about her, and then attempts to make the OP feel badly because of her own insecurities, then I'll tell her to get over herself too.  From what I see, she didn't do that.  But she did make a disclaimer knowing that others would.

And for the record, I'm not saying to get over your losses.  I'm saying to get over your need to make this post about you.

Amen.