first day back at work

yosemitemom

I'm 15 minutes into my first day back at work, after two weeks of leave for Phoebe's diagnosis and TFMR. What struck me the most is just how bizarre my normal routine felt. Dropping DD off at preschool, riding the train into the city...I have profoundly changed in the past two weeks...and so little else has. I found myself looking around the train and wondering how many of these people have endured a life changing event(s) and how they move through it. I just had to share somewhere. I hope you all had a nice weekend - and I found father's day to be way tougher than I thought it'd be.

jbranden12

I do remember feeling surprise that the world kept on turning after our daughter died. I think it is really good to wonder about the struggles others have had, all the while knowing that nothing will impact or take away our own pain. Good luck today!

foxxy1

Good luck today, sweetheart! Let us know how it goes. *HUGS*

JessicaRobb

I know what you mean about looking at people differently.

Good for you for getting in to work today. Just getting there is a huge step. I hope the day progresses well! 

philfemgal

I hope your first day back went well.

I know what you mean about your having changed so much but the rest of the world staying the same.  We are 5 and a half months out from our loss but I still have those feelings all the time.  I have trouble even remembering what it was like before being pregnant and losing Alice.

I was in the middle of "job market" season for professor positions in my academic area when I lost Alice.  I started going on interviews around the country two and half weeks after I delivered her.  It was horrible all around, but one of the difficult parts was feeling like the world just keeps going.  Even though all of the people setting up my visits and interviewing me who knew about my loss were completely sympathetic, there was also an underlying sense of "We're so very sorry.  We understand if you aren't able to do interviews right now.  But we do need to fill this job we don't have much flexibility about scheduling interviews so if you can't come within the next few weeks we will have to continue the job search process without considering you."  I know, of course, that the world does go on and no matter how tragic someone's situation those are the breaks.  But it's really hard to be the one who feels like they are standing still as the world keeps on going around them.

weddedwife

I could've written this post. I am now 6&1/2 mos. out from my loss, and I still look around a people and wonder what they've been through. This is one thing about this experience that I hope lasts- I feel more empathy towards people and I think of it as a gift my son has given me.