If you have an older LO and then twins

dgancz

How did your older LO deal with the new babies.My DD is an only child and the closer I get to my due date the more worried I am about how she is going to react.

I am also most likely going to have a c-section and that will limit how much I can pick her up and so on.

 

If anyone has tips or ideas on how to deal with this, I would like to hear them.

 

TIA 

jennyfur211

My DS was a little over 2 when my twins arrived.  In the beginning he loved on them and wasn't really bothered by them but his behavior changed.  He was already starting the terrible 2 stage of life but he was very needy & whiny.  Then he started taking his frustration out on the little ones (hitting them, pushing them, kicking)...we had to really be consistent with time out.  We also made a point that eithe my DH or I would spend one-on-one time with him on a regular basis, this seemed to help a lot.  If one of us would run errands  we would take him with us, we would let him help feed the twins, we would ask to him to "do stuff - get wipes, get a diaper, etc..  I also spent a lot of time on the floor.  I would put the the twins on their boppy pillows or in the bouncy chairs and play with my older DS.  I'm not going to tell you it was easy in the beginning b/c it wasn't but now that they are older, they are great together.  I think kids go through this with all siblings b/c my one DS (one of the twins) went through the same thing when we had our 4th DS (who is 8 months old now) and including all of the above he resorted back to baby-like behavior, wanting a bottle, a pacifier (which he barely used as a baby himself), a blanket , etc...We are finally over that stage thank god. 

I am a huge advocate for one-on-one time, my husband & I do try to do it with all 4 of our kids on a regular basis even if it means just running errands with them, it's amazing how different they can be when they are by themselves. 

sweetsugarmama

How far apart will yours be? Mine was 5.5 when I brought the twins home. So far, so good. I try to give her attention and do special things with her (movie night-which is in bed while I pump so it's easy on me), gymnastics class, etc. Some times she is in the way trying to help, especially at bedtime when me, DH, the babies and her are all in the boys room. But other then that we're doing ok.

dgancz

Mine will be almost three when b"h the twins are due.

hayleydeee

dgancz:

Mine will be almost three when b"h the twins are due.

My daughter had just turned 3 when the boys arrived and so far she's done really well.

When they came home we had a special present for her (a kid's camera) "from the babies". When she plays with it we remind her that they brought it for her. Also we always tell her how much her brothers love her, and how lucky they are to have a big sister like her. She gives them a lot of affection and love, and we always tell her how wonderful that it. 

I've found that it's still possible to slip in little moments of attention just for her throughout the day, and that I can still hold a baby and give her a hug at the same time. 

MSUMomma

Our LO was 14 months when the twins arrived. I try to go shopping and run errands with her only to give her the one on one time she is used to. We also ask for her "help " with throwing diapers away and putting bottles in the sink. She loves it. So far she is doing very well. We actually have to tell her to stop kissing her sisters.

GeauxTigers82

My DD turned 3, 2 weeks before the twins were born. She did fine. She was excited, but probably a little clueless as to what was about to happen! She's still pretty good with them.

I really think it depends on the personality of the older sibling. DD is really outgoing, so it never seemed to phase her that the babies were getting all the attention. She managed to get hers too! She also loved going to her preschool and grandma and grandpa's, so I don't think she cared that I was at home with the twins some days without her.

Honestly, I think the more you make a big deal about it, the more she will feel that it is a big deal (not that having new babies isn't a big deal). If you just act like this is what happens, and it's totally normal, then she won't know any difference. Someone posted awhile back that their Pedi was telling her to make sure her DD1 always went to the NICU with them and make sure she went with them to bring the babies home (like, don't leave her with grandma, etc. when you go to pick them up). Her Pedi said she needs to be there when you bring the babies home so she won't be worried that you brought the wrong ones home. She also needs to be included, etc. I think that's a little much. What 3 year old worries about that? Whatever your plans are, just be matter of fact about it. Let her visit them, hold them, but she doesn't need to be involved in every aspect, as long as she's getting her attention too. Just try to make special time for her, even if it's something little, and she'll be fine. You'll be surprised at how much she will understand. It's hard to find time for all 3 kids, but you will! 

kiwi443

The best advice I have is to line up help for the first few weeks. My son was 2y4m when the girls were born. It was a rough transition for him and it was helpful when someone else was here, even if all they did was take him outside to play.

For now, though this is easier said than done, try to stop stressing about it. Cherish this time you have with only one child, because it's short-lived. It'll be hard at first when the babies are born, but you'll figure out what works for your family. 

Lithgirl

DD was 2.5 years old when we had the twins. She adjusted wonderfully, but we had help 4 days a week and that person would spend a lot of time with just her giving her all the attention she needed. I can't say it would have been such a smooth transition if we had not had that help. I completely recommend hiring someone or having family around for the first 3 months or so.

Only once did we hear "mommy, i don't want these babies here anymore"....and that was only just about 3 weeks ago!