Mother in-law help!!!!

derika13

I'm only 12w4days along.. It's our first baby and both grandparents first grandchild.. My husbands parents live down the street from us (20houses to be exact).. His mom has been begging for a grand baby for 2 years so of course when we told her she was thrilled.. And as soon as we told her she started talking about how she was going to buy a crib,pack n play, changing table, dresser and pant a room so a full on nursery for her house! And I told her that she didnt need at that.. That a simple pack n play would be good for her house because I only work 3 days a week and I'm taking the first year off when the babys born so it's not like she will be babysitting everyday.. Even if I did go back to work she works 2 jobs everyday so she wouldn't babysit anyways. But my main point is that after I told her not to buy anyof that yesterday she went and bought a dresser and changin table and sent me pictures and it's really just ticked me off.. When I talk to my husband about it he doesn't understand why I'm mad.. And takes her side.. First off I'm 12 weeks I think it's to early for this let alone I feel like she making this a competition between me and her.. And I honestly want to punch her in the face.. I've tried talkin to her she doesn't listen and my husband takes her side..  Help me please before I go all crazy pregnant lady on my mother in law!

cowgirltu

Just let her waste her money on making her own nursery.  Its really not hurting you, and it makes her feel good to do it.  Be happy she is so excited for her grand baby.  Just because she has all that stuff there doesn't mean that you have to use it.  I

Disneygeek77

I can understand being perturbed; however, it is her home and her money.  If she wants to waste it on a nursery that will hardly be used, then so be it.

Besides, maybe it is more of a grandchild room than a room specifically for your baby.  I know my mom bought a lot of stuff when my nephew was  born.  It wasn't just for him though,  it was more for him and future grandchildren in general.

Cellis

I can understand your frustration, but if my MIL did this I would just think "Oh well, she's the one wasting her money on it." I'm with you in that I don't see the point in her having a full nursery at her house when the baby will always be at home and she's only 20 houses down the street (not like out of town where you might go visit often). I would just avoid a fight over it and let her do whatever she wants to her own house.

cwm11985

I think you are being completely ridiculous.  Why does it matter if she wants a nursery at her house? WHO CARES?! Is it really going to affect your life one way or the other?? And what is this business of it being a "competition??" I highly doubt that's what she's going for.  You're turning a whole lot of nothing into some lame drama.  Your husband is right to take her side, its so NBD.

Cranang

cwm11985:

I think you are being completely ridiculous.  Why does it matter if she wants a nursery at her house? WHO CARES?! Is it really going to affect your life one way or the other?? And what is this business of it being a "competition??" I highly doubt that's what she's going for.  You're turning a whole lot of nothing into some lame drama.  Your husband is right to take her side, its so NBD.

THIS.

cbrotz2010

cwm11985:

I think you are being completely ridiculous.  Why does it matter if she wants a nursery at her house? WHO CARES?! Is it really going to affect your life one way or the other?? And what is this business of it being a "competition??" I highly doubt that's what she's going for.  You're turning a whole lot of nothing into some lame drama.  Your husband is right to take her side, its so NBD.

 Sorry, but I'm with this poster too. Who cares if she wants to spend her money? Be grateful you have a MIL who wants to be involved and make the baby feel like he/she has a second home rather than one who's not excited and aloof. My MIL started talking about turning my husband's old room into a nursery and I was just shocked and in awe.  Take it in a positive light, not that it's a competition. 

kelly321

Well, I disagree with the PPs in that your husband was not right to "take her side," since he should be on yours. However, I do think that in this situation you're overreacting. Even if the baby doesn't use the stuff there often, if you're over for a visit, it will be convenient to have a changing table and crib there to lay LO down while you go back with the others. It would be a big pain to have to drag a load full of baby stuff to your MIL's when she just lives down the street. She's spending her own money, just let it go. She can't force you to use it more than you want to.

mom2b22013

I am sorry your MIL is doing this. My husband always takes his mom's side too and doesn't get it. I have just learned to pick my battles....

My parents put together a nursery after DS was born (but it was a different story we lived out of state when he was born and stayed at their house a lot) and now that we are back in the same area as them it is nice when he has to stay over he has a nice bed to sleep in (as opposed to the pack and play at his other g-parents)

Good luck!

Jenn0810

Well, I'm on your side. I would be ticked off too. Yeah, she's wasting her money but I see where you're coming from. This is your first baby and you want to be able to buy everything your LO needs. I had the same feeling when I was pregnant the first time. MIL would always call and say "How's my baby?" even after we told her we would like her to say "How's Chloe/my grand baby?" I just waited so long to be a mother that I was very protective over everything, I guess. I don't see anything wrong with being upset over this (even though many see it as being pointless to feel this way). It's how you feel and your husband and MIL should be thinking about your feelings too. Yes, it makes her happy but it makes you upset and they need to respect your feelings, as well. My in laws live 2 hours away and they only have an old pack 'n play. We have never used it and have never spent the night there with LO. If I were you I would just tell your MIL/Husband (maybe again..lol) that you prefer to have one room for your LO, especially since you live so close and if she would like to help contribute to that room, then maybe that's ok. 

Anyway now I'm rambling, but you get my point. I think I know where you're coming from and I don't flame you for it. I think they should respect how you feel just as much as the other posters think you should respect how it makes her happy. 

MRSVELA07

My MIL live about the same distance as yours does and she's been bugging us to have babies every since we got married. If I read your original post correctly you said she wants to decorate a nursery in her house...this is her property, not yours. Why are you upset over this? Be happy that you have someone who is excited for the birth of your baby. If she wants to build a house for the baby, ultimately, that's her decision and not yours. My mom is doing the exact same thing as your MIL. She purchasing a crib, rocking chair, changing table the whole 9 yards and I think it's really sweet. Helps me out because all I'll have to bring is just the baby and my milk. Instead of being so negative about it see it as another person loving your little one. When you mention competition, what makes you think she's competing with you? You're pregnant with your baby and you'll be the mother. NO ONE can compete with that. What you need to be concerned about is making sure you stay happy and healthy. Stressing over things like this are not only childish but totally not called for. You and your husband need to be in agreement on how you're going to raise your children and what goes on in your house...that's it! Don't sweat the small stuff.

eponine7682

I know how you feel and I have to tell myself she is doing it out of excitement. I wrote almost the same post about 2 weeks ago and most people told me that it wasn't a big deal and to let her spend her money the way she wants.

I guess I am just frustrated because I don't want her to think she is going to be babysitting all that often so soon...I don't want to be put in the position where she asks to before I am ready to have my baby be away from us. But I cannot assume this and I know I need to be happy that she is supportive and wants to create a nice environment for our child at Grandma's.

Some battles are just not worth fighting, and this is one of them. Again, I do understand the frustration, but she is doing it out of love and excitement. Let her be.  

LissaLee

kelly321:

Well, I disagree with the PPs in that your husband was not right to "take her side," since he should be on yours. However, I do think that in this situation you're overreacting. Even if the baby doesn't use the stuff there often, if you're over for a visit, it will be convenient to have a changing table and crib there to lay LO down while you go back with the others. It would be a big pain to have to drag a load full of baby stuff to your MIL's when she just lives down the street. She's spending her own money, just let it go. She can't force you to use it more than you want to.

I'm sorry, why should he be on her side? Is he not allowed to have his own opinions just because she is carrying his child? Married couples don't always have to agree on everything. He's not necessarily taking "MIL side", just disagreeing with his wife's opinion.

For the record, I'm with other posters. It's her money, let her waste it as she wishes. 

Mommyluv384

LissaLee:

kelly321:

Well, I disagree with the PPs in that your husband was not right to "take her side," since he should be on yours. However, I do think that in this situation you're overreacting. Even if the baby doesn't use the stuff there often, if you're over for a visit, it will be convenient to have a changing table and crib there to lay LO down while you go back with the others. It would be a big pain to have to drag a load full of baby stuff to your MIL's when she just lives down the street. She's spending her own money, just let it go. She can't force you to use it more than you want to.

I'm sorry, why should he be on her side? Is he not allowed to have his own opinions just because she is carrying his child? Married couples don't always have to agree on everything. He's not necessarily taking "MIL side", just disagreeing with his wife's opinion.

For the record, I'm with other posters. It's her money, let her waste it as she wishes. 

 

This...I depend on my dh to tell me when I'm being redick. Most of the time he takes my side but when he doesn't I know I'm over reacting 

Shayliz

cwm11985:

I think you are being completely ridiculous.  Why does it matter if she wants a nursery at her house? WHO CARES?! Is it really going to affect your life one way or the other?? And what is this business of it being a "competition??" I highly doubt that's what she's going for.  You're turning a whole lot of nothing into some lame drama.  Your husband is right to take her side, its so NBD.

This. So what if she sets one up at her house, it's her house.  

Also, you may want to relax a lot if this makes you want to punch her.  

derika13

Only reason I'm really upset bc she acts like its her baby and she's made me and her a competition from day one... She gets jealous at Christmas bc my husband buys me more presents then her.. Last summer my husband bought me a new escape not even a week later she went and bought one.. It's just everything my husband does for me she makes him feel like he has to do it for her bc as she says "I'm your mother I've raised you,you should take care of me".. She even made our wedding about her I guess for once I'd like this to be about me and my husband.. Not her  

utgirl2

derika13:

Only reason I'm really upset bc she acts like its her baby and she's made me and her a competition from day one... She gets jealous at Christmas bc my husband buys me more presents then her.. Last summer my husband bought me a new escape not even a week later she went and bought one.. It's just everything my husband does for me she makes him feel like he has to do it for her bc as she says "I'm your mother I've raised you,you should take care of me".. She even made our wedding about her I guess for once I'd like this to be about me and my husband.. Not her  

It will be about you as the time goes on and you are having baby showers, and you are the one in the hospital having the baby. It will be about your little family when ou get home from the hospital too. I can see how that competitive personality would be annoying. My in-laws lived about 20 min. Away and she had a crib, bouncers, high chair, rocking chair, toys galore.  You know what. It's actually pretty awesome. I know it doesn't feel that way yet, but when you go over for family dinners, or visits, and she babysits so you and your hubby can go out, you will find it all convenient. I have excused myself to that room plenty of times to feed, and rock my little one to sleep away from all the noise down the hall keeping my tired baby awake. You might actually be using it more than her if you are over visiting.  It will also be a nice place to store toys as the baby gets older.

She is probably so excited and is bragging about this baby to everyone. Keep in mind that no one will be asking to see her nursery, but plenty of people will be wanting to see yours, cause its your baby.

Oh i should also mention that my mom has all the baby stuff at her house as well and it is awesome. 

LaurelBee

I get it. I really do... Just know in the end that you get to decide who and when you leave your child with.

My Mil bought an old hand me down crib from a garage sale !! Be thankful she's at least getting new and safe things for your baby! My Ds is 2 and has never been babysat at my ILs house. They live 20 mins away... Just roll your eyes inwardly and let her do her do her thing.

laurakaz13

Mommyluv384:

LissaLee:

kelly321:

Well, I disagree with the PPs in that your husband was not right to "take her side," since he should be on yours. However, I do think that in this situation you're overreacting. Even if the baby doesn't use the stuff there often, if you're over for a visit, it will be convenient to have a changing table and crib there to lay LO down while you go back with the others. It would be a big pain to have to drag a load full of baby stuff to your MIL's when she just lives down the street. She's spending her own money, just let it go. She can't force you to use it more than you want to.

I'm sorry, why should he be on her side? Is he not allowed to have his own opinions just because she is carrying his child? Married couples don't always have to agree on everything. He's not necessarily taking "MIL side", just disagreeing with his wife's opinion.

For the record, I'm with other posters. It's her money, let her waste it as she wishes. 

 

This...I depend on my dh to tell me when I'm being redick. Most of the time he takes my side but when he doesn't I know I'm over reacting 

Totally disagree with the bolded. I would want my husband to tell me if I was being a completely ridiculous drama queen.

Kingston54

I think you should just be grateful that she's so excited and even more grateful that she's buying all this stuff so you don't have to worry about it!  Let her go!  It's nothing bad and it's her money!

PeonyPumps

My parents bought a pnp and some toys for their house. Our IL's already had stuff from my niece and nephew. 

However, we have NO ONE local that is family who could watch DS for us, even if I want to go to the dentist, I have to pay my dcp her daily rate, even if it's for an hour. I think that having a family member I trust nearby who obviously cares greatly about making my child comfortable would be the biggest gift. Also, I would be super thankful if my parents had a separate room for DS at their home, that would make it much easier when we went there, he would have his space.

Basically, I just wish I were that lucky and tbh I'm kind of jealous.  

goofyteacher

Shayliz:

cwm11985:

I think you are being completely ridiculous.  Why does it matter if she wants a nursery at her house? WHO CARES?! Is it really going to affect your life one way or the other?? And what is this business of it being a "competition??" I highly doubt that's what she's going for.  You're turning a whole lot of nothing into some lame drama.  Your husband is right to take her side, its so NBD.

This. So what if she sets one up at her house, it's her house.  

Also, you may want to relax a lot if this makes you want to punch her.  

This

nattn

God, I wish my ILs bought all that for DD when she was born. Seriously, be thankful! Mine were nice enough just the other day to pull their 15 year old high chair out of their roach infested basement for DD to use. It is nasty! When DD was born, they were going to pull out the crib they used for their 40 yo daughter. DD has never stayed there just because I don't feel their baby items are safe. I would be thrilled for them to have a nice new nursery in their home and we would spend a lot more time there than we do!

bubbymommy

OP, I totally understand how you are feeling. When I was Pregnant with DS I HATED my MIL. I mean it when I say I hated her. The woman could do nothing right. She never said anything right, did anything right, made A$$hole suggestions and (gasp) bought a whole nursery for MY baby... The fact of the matter is, this baby is an extension of HER baby and you have to check your hormones. Although she shouldn't pressure you to keep the baby sooner than you are ready, believe me when I say, you will be glad she has all that baby stuff at her house.

With this pregnancy I called my MIL as soon as I found out and told her to start looking at gender neutral stuff. Parents who are willing to help are a blessing. I assure you that once the baby comes you will appreciate your MIL.

As far as the "competition" part of your post, I can understand this too. My MIL watched DS until he was 13mo and she got to see a lot of his firsts and always referred to my son as her baby. It bothered me at first but I came to realize that I was being stupid. How lucky is DS to have such a doting grandparent?

My suggestion to you is to let it go for now. Hormones are a *** and they can make mountains out a mole hills. When you feel like you are about to explode, try bouncing your feelings off someone who isn't PG and raging with hormones (like your husband). Hope you work things out. It sounds like your MIL is going to be a great support system to you.

Fanidelo

Wow I thought my MIL Was the only one that would come up with something like that !!! We are totally on the same boat. It really irritated me too, but I've decided to ignore it. She is a little too much for me to handle right now,so I try to stay away as much as I can. It really is annoying.  

IsaiahGirl

I experienced this with mine too - she even insisted on picking out her MIL dress for our wedding before I decided on ANY colors.

However, after my 1st was born, it was a true blessing.  It's so easy not to have to take anything over there and we could just drop her off.  I promise you'll like that part!

Hopefully the competition will stop after the baby is born, but I'd start talking with your DH now about boundaries you are both comfortable with for both sets of parents so its clear before your sleepless, zombie state those first few weeks.