Need advice. Kinda long.

kayladay

I know I am more of a lurker than poster really. But I am wanting some "outside" advice rather than my family. Okay, well first I will give some background. I have been married for over a year and am now going through a divorce. STBXH's father isn't the best in the world, he hasn't seen our son, he is always drunk or drinking and he also has a drug problem. I have seen first hand him drinking and what he is like on drugs and it's not pretty. He has a bad temper without the alcohol etc and it only gets worse with drugs and alcohol stirred in. Anyway, I get a call this morning that STBXH is in jail because his dad called the cops on him telling them that STBXH was beating him. My FIL can be dramatic, I mean he has/is cheating on his wife with a 23 yr old that loves drama and he is always in the middle of it, he also embelishes things. But back to the point, he is charged with domestic violence. He didn't call and ask me for money or anything was just letting me know what was going on. Should I be the one to get him out or should I just see if he gets someone else to get him out or do I just let him go to jail.

I know we are getting a divorce, but it's not a messy one (didn't have to go to court or anything like that), and he is my child's father so I am not sure what to do. Sorry, I know this really isn't the board to be talking about this but I am just lost and confused on the whole situation. So please take it easy on me if you have harsh thoughts/comments I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now. TIA!

Mrs.McLovin

My gut reaction is to stay out of it. Your STBXH didn't call you and ask for help.

captainobvious12

I am not trying to be snarky, just honest...

 If you are stating yourself that your STBXH isn't the best father in the world, hasn't seen his son, has a temper, AND a problem with substance abuse, how in the world are you even considering being the one to bail him out of jail?

I am speaking as someone whose child's father is currently in jail...

 You may not be having a messy divorce, but if his problems continue with his temper and substance abuse problems, chances are you will probably disagree at some point over visitation and custody.  And if you ever have to stand in front of a judge and explain that your ex has a temper and is a threat to your child, all he will have to do is say 'if I have such a temper and am such a threat, why did she bail me out of jail in June 2012 when I didn't even call and ask her?'

FyreFlyeRush

Ditto what PPs said. Honestly, if I got that call, I'd be telling my lawyer do we could track it if custody ever came up. But, Im sneaky and jaded like that.

Snow__White__Queen

Mrs.McLovin:

My gut reaction is to stay out of it. Your STBXH didn't call you and ask for help.

This. 

Mysterious_wife

Reading fail on a few of the pp. she said her FIL is the abusive alcoholic drug abuser. 

 

I say stay out of it. 

captainobvious12

Mysterious_wife:

Reading fail on a few of the pp. she said her FIL is the abusive alcoholic drug abuser. 

 

I say stay out of it. 

 

 Reading fail, indeed. I stand corrected

 But I still say stay out of it.

supermansmommy

Stay out of it, but make a note of his now DV record to support your divorce and custody case.

kayladay

I have sole custody of our son and he has supervised visitation. I didn't get him out. I went on with my day as planned.