Toddler Screaming

jolynn326

I'm not sure I can handle it anymore... DD screams SO frequently, often to get our attention. She will also scream to keep me from having conversations with others. She screams in the car when she's bored. She screams so often! 

I want to believe she'll grow out of it and eventually learn, but it's so frustrating and disrespectful in the meantime. I've tried timeout a few times, but I'm not sure she "gets" it yet. It's also not always possible to give a time out. Oh, and she often screams to keep attention at dinner time. I've thought of removing her from her seat and declaring mealtime over, but I want to avoid training with food.

Any thoughts/encouragement? 

pepomntpat

I don't know. My DD does this too and it is really frustrating, especially in public.

celiabwatson

How verbal is she? It sounds like she's using screaming when she is actually trying to communicate something, perhaps you can help her to communicate in a different way. Example: She screams at the dinner table. You say, "It sounds like you are trying to tell me something. Are you all done?" If she indicates agreement (whether verbally or not) you can say, "Instead of screaming you can tell me you're done by _____". If she's verbal fill in the blank with "saying 'I'm done'". If she's pre-verbal, or not willing to try new words, you can fill in the blank with "raising your hands like this" (either use actual sign language, or make up your own signals for common situations where she screams). 

Also, have you given interesting reactions to her screams in the past? Toddlers are little scientists and they like to test cause and effect a lot. So maybe in the past she screamed (maybe for fun, or at random) and you got mad, stomped your feet, put her in time out etc. She's now testing to see if she can make that interesting thing happen again. If you feel like that might be the case you can tell her, "I know that I screamed and put you in time out before, I'm not going to do that again. Instead I'm choosing to help you learn to communicate better." After the instead you could include a different option if you want. Maybe you want to ignore screaming, maybe you want to take away a toy etc etc. You're welcome to choose whatever discipline you want, but if you communicate clearly that you have a plan it might stop the scientist behavior.

jolynn326

Thank you for your insight. She's increasingly verbal and also communicates with a fair amount of signs. I can't remember any specific interesting responses, but I like your suggestion of communicating the plan better to her. I've thought of trying to ignore the screams and respond only when she attempts communication in other ways, but I wonder if I have the stamina!

 

celiabwatson

I wouldn't ignore, I would respond in a boring way. My son just gets louder when I ignore. You could say (super calmly and monotone), "I'll answer when you stop screaming." Choose a short enough phrase that you can repeat it verbatim each time. You don't have to respond to each scream, but respond enough that they know you heard and are ignoring on purpose.

jolynn326

I like this idea... I will have to try!

Thanks for the ideas ladies! 

bellelamb

I like these answers thanks for op for asking we're going though this too.  I know my toddler has understood time out since about a year some times if he does something wrong he'll go to time out on his own but screaming is him trying to communicate at this point so not something I want to punish him for.

znianiswan

I don't know. My DD does this too and it is really frustrating, especially in public.