What a roller coaster...

kellyrn9956

So, long story short...I work for a Catholic hospital that is exempt from the Maryland IVF coverage mandate. With the knowledge of the cost of IVF vs. the cost of adoption, we had chosen adoption (for many other reasons other than money, but money was part of our decision). We were recently bought by another non-Catholic hospital, but they stated that we would probably maintain our Catholich heritage. Fast forward to this week...all of the nuns moved out of the hospital, where they were living, to another facility. Chances are good that we will get IVF coverage, possibly as soon as October.

Why? Why is this happening now? I had to share this with H last night, which led to a conversation of "let's try it once or twice". I mean, come ON! I am so delighted with the idea of adoption, and was ready to get started. But I cannot deny H's feelings and decisions.

I really am a firm believer of things happening for a reason (I know, I know...but sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through all this crap). I just don't know. We decided last night not to proceed with home study in August, but to wait until October to hear any more news about IVF coverage.

I feel like an idiot. And an emotional basketcase. Who the heck goes back and forth like this in a matter of 2 weeks? I am starting with a therapist next week to work out some of these feelings. In the meantime...we are back to waiting. However, I will continue on the board, since we will continue to research agencies, save our money, and prepare things for home study.

Has anyone else gone back and forth this way? I never thought we'd be here...

IRR

YES, DH just brought up donor eggs the other day, which at this point I just want to stay on the adoption path.  Getting to old for all of the shots and stuff and I feel like I have been there and done that.  GL.

kellyrn9956

IRR:

YES, DH just brought up donor eggs the other day, which at this point I just want to stay on the adoption path.  Getting to old for all of the shots and stuff and I feel like I have been there and done that.  GL.

I can't tell you how good this is to hear. I did read an article that stated that one spouse often vacillates more than the other in IF decision-making. I guess it can't hurt to take this time to think about it, but I feel like I'm no longer "good enough" to pursue adoption at this point, since we continue to consider ART. I don't know...the feeling is hard to describe. I know a big part of adoption is coming to terms with your IF. I did this a long time ago. I think that H is just doing this now. And that's hard.

potatohead

I think it's totally normal.  Those of us that have been through IF have most likely always wanted to be pregnant and experience that for the first time or again. It's normal to second-guess yourself, even when going through the adoption process.  We know that adoption is right for us, however, we would definitely welcome a successful pregnancy as well.  

jillianmb

Is doing both IVF and adoption an option?  You could do IVF now and pursue adoption in the future.  DH's family is like this- his sister was adopted and he is biological. 

Rachel Sonnier

We were flip floppers too. We were seriously looking into adoption after almost 3 years TTC in 2008. That same summer we decided to start seeing an RE just to see, since it seemed cheaper to have a few tests and try a few drugs than to jump into adoption...but were still looking into IA.

A few months after we started seeing him, BAM! First and only BFP ever!

So after 2 years TTC in round 2, we started seeing our RE again, with very high/possibly unrealistic hopes. Now we are in year 3 (or 6 if you count the first 3 years) and we are back at adoption...but DIA this time.

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying whatever is in your heart to try. And the pp is right. You can  do one now and one later, if you want. It all depends on your comfort and endurance levels with each. But it does seem like pretty sucky timing. I'm a "read the signs" kind of girl myself, and I wouldn't know what to do.

Good luck with whatever you guys decide!! :-) 

srmmm09

We had close friends just give birth today (Yay baby Zeke! Yes, Zeke.), and DH came home and said, "oh, maybe we should try for a baby instead."

He was (mostly) joking, but I do a TON of waffling in my feelings towards our plans. I don't think it makes you "not good enough" at all. I think it's probably way better to explore desires that you have instead of stuffing them down because you've started one process.

It's amazing how, with adoption, you choose over and over and over to pursue it; with a pregnancy, there's no way to say, "oh man, maybe we should slow this process down" once you get that positive. If you do, now or later, decide to pursue adoption, you'll be deciding to do it so many times! 

kellyrn9956

srmmm09:

We had close friends just give birth today (Yay baby Zeke! Yes, Zeke.), and DH came home and said, "oh, maybe we should try for a baby instead."

He was (mostly) joking, but I do a TON of waffling in my feelings towards our plans. I don't think it makes you "not good enough" at all. I think it's probably way better to explore desires that you have instead of stuffing them down because you've started one process.

It's amazing how, with adoption, you choose over and over and over to pursue it; with a pregnancy, there's no way to say, "oh man, maybe we should slow this process down" once you get that positive. If you do, now or later, decide to pursue adoption, you'll be deciding to do it so many times! 

Great perspective! Thanks!

znianiswan

 Getting to old for all of the shots and stuff and I feel like I have been there and done that.  GL.