Did you ever feel like this when you were waiting?

lafayettegirl

While you were waiting, did that little voice in the back of your mind ever questions what in the world you were doing? We were so excited about the prospect of adopting when we filled out our paperwork, put our pictures together and went through all the interviews in January. The excitement subsided until we decided to go ahead and prep a nursery. Now, it is gone again and in its place are little nagging thoughts - is this the right path, why is it taking so long, should we just try to live as a family of 2, can my heart stay strong through this wait, why isn't our SW calling, what is wrong with us, why aren't we being picked, why me?

I'm sure this is all normal, but geez am I at a low point.

erinmc1

I've never doubted that I wanted to adopt, but there have been days I feel I might have had second thoughts about this decision, if I'd known how hard it was really going to be emotionally.  Realistically, I know that my greatest ambition is to be a mom, and there would always be something missing in my life if I didn't fulfill that, but the wait for sure wears on you.  Most days, it feels surreal, like it's never going to happen.  I imagine the day we'll get "THE call," but I never wake up feeling as though that day will be today.  

I've now entered the "how can the agency say they place 20-24 infants per year, but the same 15 families have been on the website for the past 6 months?" stage.  

 I know once we're matched and have our little one home, all of this will seem like a bad dream, and like something we can wear as a badge of honor, having grown and gotten through it.  But for right now, it's very discouraging. 

lafayettegirl

"but there have been days I feel I might have had second thoughts about this decision, if I'd known how hard it was really going to be emotionally. "

and

"how can the agency say they place 20-24 infants per year, but the same 15 families have been on the website for the past 6 months?"

This is it exactly!

silliestbunny

On the surface, I appeared to manage just fine... but I stalked my agency website and scrutinized the other couples... they felt like my competitors...

The wait is tough.  But find the strength.  I know it's impossible to do but I feel like a big sister that needs to say it.... Go live your life   As a mom of two, I miss being able to go to the summer concert seriest at the Bowl and catching a movie on a whim.  I am currently trying to paint and redo our den... and it's taking me so much more time w/little ones in tow. 
I know that's impossible advice..... but do know that someday you'll be sitting at your keyboard sharing the same advice with someone who is waiting.  That's the cycle of it all  

Hang in there... and major hugs. Waiting is the tough part.

twinkjk

It's like you can read my mind--I feel like this exactly.  I feel sometimes, "Why am I putting myself through this?  If we were meant to be parents it would have happened already!"  But I know it's a long road and I just have to try to think about the end result no matter how far away it might seem right now. 

summergirl79

silliest- so true!

 My emotions were all over when waiting. 

I know it's hard when you are waiting- but I truly believe it is because you are waiting for YOUR child, the one that comes out of the right situation for your family (that sounds weird but you know what I mean).  OUr son is about to turn one and we are in awe of the process that was frustrating at times, intense but all so WORTH it and all for what feels so meant to be. 

 

slndr042305

Yes, you are not alone! My emotions are all over the place from being happy and positive, to thinking we have been child free for so long, should we just be child free? Now that the paperwork is behind us and its just waiting there's not much to do to feel like forward progress is being made and it makes it tough! One day at a time...

cogbot

You aren't alone.  You summed up my feelings quite well.

Dr.Loretta

For the most part, we lived life like normal and let things happen when they happened.

I had a few moments in the shower where I just thought, "You know, we could just go child-free."

Those moments didn't last long.

Hope your wait isn't much longer!

IRR

I hear you.  I always wonder why bother, even though DH and I have talked about kids even before we married.  In speaking with my lawyer today she said some people take 2-3 years to match.  Hope it is quick for everyone, and I am so jealous of those that matched in a couple of months.  Hang in there, as PP stated, at some point this will all be a distant memory.

MarionB79

It seems like you summed up the feelings of most people during "the wait" when it takes more than a few months. 

While I've never had the thought if we should just live child free, I've been scared that it's God's plan for us.

I actually blogged about these same feelings a few days ago. https://mnmnbaby2be.blogspot.com/

At that point I felt like the only one in the world with these struggles - I know that sounds dramatic, but I guess that's what happens at 1am in the morning when you miss your DH

Anyways, I feel today God's telling all of us, that we are not alone and we can support each other through this!!!!!! Sending all of you waiting sisters out there a HUGE hug!!!! 

znianiswan

lafayettegirl:

"but there have been days I feel I might have had second thoughts about this decision, if I'd known how hard it was really going to be emotionally. "

and

"how can the agency say they place 20-24 infants per year, but the same 15 families have been on the website for the past 6 months?"

This is it exactly!

 

i agree it