DH doesnt want to celebrate Fathers Day...
HollyBee013
member
Dh lost his dad when he was 19. We will be 30 this year. I dont know what it is like to lose a parent, thank God, so I dont know what it is like to be a male losing your father. We have been together for 5 years, and it wasnt until this past Christmas that he even wanted to put up a tree, a tradition he enjoyed with his dad that made him really sad every year. (with good reason, I do understand that). This is his first Fathers day, LO being 3 months old now, and he doesnt want to celebrate at all. He doesnt want a gift or a card, doesnt want to even really talk about it being fathers day. I wanted to make it really special for him, but I dont want to cross any boundaries either. I just feel like his dad would not want him to not celebrate being a dad, having a great father in law, and having a great step dad. Am I crazy, and if I do something, do you think it will be disrespectful or...I dont know, will I be out of place?
Sorry to post on your board, but I like that we can get dads opinions on things!!
Re: DH doesnt want to celebrate Fathers Day...
Has he ever gone to counselin or therapy for this? I get grieving and being upset, but he also has to come to grips with things at some point and realize that now that he is a husband and father, he has to think about others as well.
His children should be able to celebrate holidays and have a father's day so that they can enjoy a strong relationship with THEIR dad like he seems to have had with his. I am not saying that you should totally surprise him as it may lead to a fight. But since your kid is so young, maybe you should use this time to talk about how he is going to balance the loss of his dad with the fact that he has a family of his own now. You might not end up having a Father's Day this year, but you should definitely get to the point where you have one next year.
GOOD ANSWER!
"I was watching "THE FEUD" a few minutes ago....
11 years is a long time to grieve with this level of intensity. Losing a parent at a young age is difficult. I'm a little more concerned about his feelings about Christmas than Father's Day. Christmas is going to be largely about your child(ren) in the future, and I hope he is capable of putting his own feelings of grief aside for them to enjoy it.
As for Father's day... I have to say that as a kid, I never really got much out of it. It was a day when my mom made us make cards for my dad, something we did quickly to get back to things we wanted to do. I do think it would be good for him to talk about his feelings of loss with someone. It has been over a decade and his wound sounds very fresh and raw. But I would respect his wishes and give him space on Father's Day and take the LO to spend time with your father.