Trouble with guest list

friday chic

Hi ladies. My friend offered to throw me a shower and said "invite whoever you want, family, friends, whatever" 

As far as I know I'll be having a work shower in September and that is the only other shower (which is WAY okay with me).  I'm struggling with who to invite because my husband has a large family (aunts wise) that he (and I now) is close with and I just feel horrible having a guest list of 50 (friends and both families). I'm fairly certain most of my family and my husbands family will not travel the 4+ hours to attend, so maybe half to 1/4 of those people will be able to come.  Is this outrageous???  She tells me it's okay, but I just feel like it's a lot. 

thoughts??? TIA ladies

mrsjoshuaduhon

Could you have a shower by them? My family and DH's is only 2 hours away and I know DH's family won't travel, but MIL is throwing one and my mom.

friday chic

mrsjoshuaduhon:

Could you have a shower by them? My family and DH's is only 2 hours away and I know DH's family won't travel, but MIL is throwing one and my mom.

No one else has offered and I wouldn't ask.  HOWEVER I can't travel per DR orders so not optional.

EastCoastBride

Well, I personally wouldn't be inviting people who lived 4 hours away in the first place.  I know they are family, but I don't feel a shower is such an "event" that people who realistically can't come should be invited.

BUT - it make work differently in your family.  Who knows.

That being said - w/ a guest list of 50 where many of them are far away, as you already mentioned, the # who actually come will probably be quite a bit smaller.  25 people isn't a big shower to me. 

BUT you all have to be prepared if all 50 say "yes".

bklynbmp

If you have a big family, there isn't a lot you can do to avoid inviting them if that is expected in your family. 

I would suggest discussing it with the person who offered to host first.  She may not realize what she has gotten herself into.  But if she doesn't mind the long guest list, don't let it bother you either.

friday chic

EastCoastBride:

Well, I personally wouldn't be inviting people who lived 4 hours away in the first place.  I know they are family, but I don't feel a shower is such an "event" that people who realistically can't come should be invited.

BUT - it make work differently in your family.  Who knows.

That being said - w/ a guest list of 50 where many of them are far away, as you already mentioned, the # who actually come will probably be quite a bit smaller.  25 people isn't a big shower to me. 

BUT you all have to be prepared if all 50 say "yes".

That's our whole family (parents, grandparents, siblings, most of our friends)

Stina2012

I'm a lurker here because I usually throw my friend's baby showers. From a host's perspective it's nice to be asked how many people can be accomodated since the party is on the host's dime!

 Any chance you could just invite the grandmothers instead of the entire family? Maybe that would help shorten the list if you want many friends at the shower.

 Also, my one friend handed me a list of 60 people, but on the invite list she had marked whether they were likely to show or not. It was helpful as a host, but it still seemed gift grabby to me personally. I think if family feels inclined they will send a gift regardless of an invitation. Hope that helps!

eclausenlee

I don't agree with pp.  I invited family that live out of state, even though I know they won't come.  They want to be a part of our child's birth and they won't be able to travel to see the baby right after it's born, so we figured it was a great opportunity for them to be included in some small way.  I don't necessarily expect them to send gifts, but if they do I know it's out of love and not obligation.

mrsjoshuaduhon

I don't agree with everyone else. I know in my family even if they live in another state 25 hours away they would be hurt to not recieve a invite. I think you can invite them, and see what happens when they rsvp. If the number of people is to large for your friend maybe you could help pay for things. That way everyone is still included. And like you said only half to a fourth of the people will come anyway.

Blaker2012

My Step Mom really hurt her sister's feelings when she didn't include her on the list for my bridal shower. I'm very close with my SM but I don't know her sister well and she lived 2.5 hours away from the shower. My SM thought at the time that she wouldn't be able to make the drive and therefore didn't want to put her in the position to say no or feel the need to buy me something. Her sister was so sad and felt rejected. She is number one on my baby shower list!

If your hostess has really said to invite who you want then do it, she shouldn't offer it that way if she doesn't mean it. If she can only accommodate 20 people then she should be the one to say so. She can decide based on the RSVPs how much money she wants to spend (i.e. sheet cake vs. fancy bakery or lots of food options vs. a few, alcohol vs. no alcohol). Enjoy your shower!

rhubarb123

If they did not give you a number...let them know how many are on the list and ask if that is too many.  Be sure to let them know that only 1/2 would most likely come.  That is only 25 people...which is just an average size shower in my area.

Cranang

MandJS:

Other than your mom and MIL, I would NOT invite anyone who is not local. It's very gift grabby, especially if you know they won't come. 

This.  You send out of town invites for weddings, not an inconsequential shower.

mdharris29

I have people in my family that get pissed off when not invited to my kids' birthday parties and they live several states away, so I get wanting to invite everyone. I would brainstorm with your friend and follow the advice of the others who said that not many will show up anyway. You could hold the shower at non-meal time and offer simple finger foods, not do decorations etc there are ways to cut back and still have a nice event.