Confession/denial.. and tomorrow is the big day

Formerly Mrs D S

So tomorrow is my induction date for medical reasons.  We head in at 7:30am. I am SO nervous even though I have done this before.

I have a huge confession.. this entire pregnancy has been very rough for me both mentally and physically.  At our 20 week ultrasound they discovered choroid plexus cysts on the babies brain.  We were sent to a perinatologist and given a 1 in 400 chance of delivering a baby with trisomy 18 (I know those odds are in our favor, but they are still too low for me).  At that time I was having severe anxiety attacks and I found the only way to cope with the possibilty of carrying a child with trisomy 18 was to block it out.  As the pregnancy progressed I went into pre-term labor and then developed PUPPS.  Needless to say I kept disassociating as much as possible from the pregnancy.  Other people are so excited and so happy for tomorrow, and I am just hoping that he is born ok - alive and breathing.  I am so scared.  I haven't been able to name him, I don't feel an attachment yet and it definitely hasn't sunk in that we are having another child.  I hope once he is here all of these crazy thoughts that have been going on since 20 weeks go away. 

ASKSAK

I can't say that my experience has been any bit as stressful as yours, but I don't think it has hit me yet either that we are having another child.  I have been excited and prepping and all, but I was so busy with school and focusing on DS and all of my "responsibilities" that I don't think I've truly grasped the concept that I'm going to have another LO hopefully by the end of next week. 

 With that being said, once you see/hold that sweet baby all the worrying won't matter.  If he/she is born with something then you deal, but you will still have all the love in the world.  I know I will.  

 I probably haven't helped much, but hopefully you'll find some peace tonight in knowing tomorrow is a new day with a new LO! 

zinkyn14

I can imagine that would be stressful.  Don't feel bad.  Chances are your baby will be fine. As soon as you see him for the first time, you'll probably feel attached.  It could be the fear and not knowing that is making you avoid attachment feelings.  It's a different situation and you don't know what to expect. I'll be wishing the best for you both.  Take care.

mwitter80

I had a similar experience. I had 3 losses prior to getting pregnant the 4th time. I disassociated myself from the pregnancy, trying not to get my heart broken. Then at 20weeks we got some bad news which made things worse. I for sure thought I would lose another baby. Then I got pre-eclampsia, ended up on bed rest for 2 months, and was induced at 37 weeks. My induction took 70 hours. It was awful. Once they set him on my chest, I can't explain the emotion. I was bleeding out after the birth as well and my only thought was that if something went wrong, I would miss out on so much with him. I have never been so in love. The feelings are so different than I ever expected. Don't worry. You might surprise yourself. My little man ended up being perfectly healthy. I hope the same for you. 

octwed07

I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you tomorrow!  Keep us posted and hang in there.  

Formerly Mrs D S

Thank you all for your kind words.. Ill be sure to update when he is here

MalloryRudy

My cousin went through this with her son who was suppose to have trisomy 18 also. He was born with some medical issues and has down syndrome but has had all the necessary surgeries needed and is fine! He is now almost 7 and the happiest boy you could ever meet; goes to school and even is on a summer t-ball team!  I will pray for you and your sweet baby today and in the days ahead.