XP from 12-24: BFP - I hate the way I feel right now

FullHeartMama

Just got a BFP and I'm completely in shock. It took us a long time to get pregnant with DS, and we were taking precautions, but probably were not as careful as we should have been.

My hands are absolutely shaking right now. I just started a new job and am still getting on my feet with it. Money is tight right now, but we're making it. I work part time from home and take care of DS at the same time. My hands are full right now, but perhaps things will change when I've had time to adjust to the idea.

My mind is just racing right now. DH and I were just discussing the fact that we both feel like we're ready to bring another LO into the family, but now that this is a reality, I'm not exactly feeling like jumping for joy. I feel so terrible about this. Things are in such a transition right now - we're talking about selling the house, DH taking another job, moving out of state to be closer to my family and friends, and me going back to teaching in the Fall - I can't accept a new job knowing I'll be out on ML...

I'm still nursing DS and right now, so I'm not sure how things will change now. He's the center of our world. I'm terrified of what it will be like when another LO arrives. 

I'm sorry this is all over the place. I haven't told a soul (DH is still at work) and I think I'm just looking for some sort of reassurance. The contrast between how I felt when I got my BFP with DS and how I feel right now is completely blowing my mind. I'm thrilled, but so terrified at the same time. Has anyone else been in my shoes?

Thank you so much for getting through this and for any advice you may be able to offer.

EDIT: I'm sorry. I feel like I'm TOTALLY raining all over the 1st tri parade.  Last time I was here, I was really happy! 

mrs.kapow

::hugs::

Yea, we were there a few months back. While this pregnancy was only about 6 mos ahead of schedule, it was a jam-packed 6 months that I was really looking forward to and DD was only 18 mos old. I wasn't ready to give up thinking of her as my baby.

We adjusted pretty quickly and looked at our budgeting, etc., to make sure we would be ok. All in all, it will work out and I am finally excited (we had some genetic scares in the early weeks, too, so that added a layer of issues).

You'll get there. And by the time this LO arrives, you will be ecstatic and fully on board. Luckily they take a little while to get here. 

sbevmc09

((hugs))

I think it's going to take you time to adjust, but thankfully you have a lot of time to do so   9 months is a long time and you'll have time to prepare for the birth of your new LO.  Additionally, your current LO is going to change a lot over the course of those 9 months and you may be more comfortable about adding a "new" baby to the mix when the time actually comes.

LavenderCupcake

Don't sit around thinking about it all day. Do whatever you would normally do, give your brain time to adjust.

 Then when DH comes home, talk it out. Sleep on it. Process everything before you let yourself freak out too much. 

FullHeartMama

mrs.kapow:

::hugs::

Yea, we were there a few months back. While this pregnancy was only about 6 mos ahead of schedule, it was a jam-packed 6 months that I was really looking forward to and DD was only 18 mos old. I wasn't ready to give up thinking of her as my baby.

We adjusted pretty quickly and looked at our budgeting, etc., to make sure we would be ok. All in all, it will work out and I am finally excited (we had some genetic scares in the early weeks, too, so that added a layer of issues).

You'll get there. And by the time this LO arrives, you will be ecstatic and fully on board. Luckily they take a little while to get here. 

This made me feel a lot better. Thank you. I'm having such a hard time imagining another one on the way when DS is only 13 months, but on the bright side, we always wanted a sibling for him so we do have that to look forward to. It's just that having our first completely turned our worlds upside down (in mostly wonderful ways) but we both feel like we JUST started to adjust as a family. We'll be alright, though!

I appreciate your response! 

FullHeartMama

sbevmc09:

((hugs))

I think it's going to take you time to adjust, but thankfully you have a lot of time to do so   9 months is a long time and you'll have time to prepare for the birth of your new LO.  Additionally, your current LO is going to change a lot over the course of those 9 months and you may be more comfortable about adding a "new" baby to the mix when the time actually comes.

This is VERY true and something I hadn't thought about yet. I'm trying to imagine what he'll be like in 9 months... 

I think if we can get the financial things worked out, we'll be alright. We would just like to have been in a better position to be able to save (instead of living beyond our means like we are now) and we're not there yet. One step at a time, I guess...

FullHeartMama

LavenderCupcake:

Don't sit around thinking about it all day. Do whatever you would normally do, give your brain time to adjust.

 Then when DH comes home, talk it out. Sleep on it. Process everything before you let yourself freak out too much. 

This is all really, really good advice. Thank you. 

KatieKim0815

You're not raining on a 1st tri parade!!! There are such a range of emotions that come with this. I think that's why they give you 9 months to prepare. Some women get the "OMG"s in the 1st tri and others in the 3rd. it is so normal. 

Talk to the hubby and you might be comforted to know you're going through the same things together! 

FullHeartMama

KatieKim0815:

You're not raining on a 1st tri parade!!! There are such a range of emotions that come with this. I think that's why they give you 9 months to prepare. Some women get the "OMG"s in the 1st tri and others in the 3rd. it is so normal. 

Talk to the hubby and you might be comforted to know you're going through the same things together! 

You're so sweet. Thank you! 

bearkatjen

This was me 6 weeks ago! I've been all over the place emotionally since then, but I think I am finally getting fully aboard the excited train. It's just taken some time. I have PCOS, so getting pg with DS wasn't easy, and boy was I surprised when I got a surprise BFP several weeks ago despite being very careful! I was a SAHM at the time, just finished my second masters degree and was ready to start focusing on my career (I got a job offer the same day as my BFP). Having a baby (whether it's a first, second, third, ect...) is a big life change. It okay to feel the way you feel. You have 9 months to problem solve and figure things out, and more than likely, once you have dealt with your worries, you will feel free to enjoy the baby that's on the way. I know something that has helped me has finally been telling work. I feeling a lot more excited about the baby now that they know, they're happy for me, and I know I'll have a job to come back to. 

 

LovinTim912

There are many of us in bad positions, just like you, so don't feel like you're raining on us!

So don't worry.  Take comfort in knowing you are NOT alone.

KatieKim0815

FullHeartMama:

KatieKim0815:

You're not raining on a 1st tri parade!!! There are such a range of emotions that come with this. I think that's why they give you 9 months to prepare. Some women get the "OMG"s in the 1st tri and others in the 3rd. it is so normal. 

Talk to the hubby and you might be comforted to know you're going through the same things together! 

You're so sweet. Thank you! 

You're so welcome!! Just LOLing at myself because I just posted on 2nd tri about how I'm worried about DS1 feeling left out today. Every other day of this pregnancy has been excited but today I was thinking about missing baby number 1 not being the only one left! So I've had a freakout today too! Let us know how telling your hubby goes and how you feel! 

Sunkissedfaith

I feel the EXACT same way. DH and I knew we were done adding to our family. With 3 kids we felt maxed out lol (4 year old bio son, and a 2.5 year old and 9 month old adopted from Ethiopia).

We were preventing pregnancy so imagine my surpise when my boobs were hurting so bad I took a pregnancy test on a whim it it said PREGNANT.

I honestly still can't believe it. We will have 4 kids 4 years old and under. We just brought home our youngest son in April from Ethiopia so we are still in transition. I get extremame all-day sickness with my pregnancies, and I just feel totally in over my head...not to mention I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks with my oldest son (he ended up being born full term after bedrest for 6 weeks) so I am terrified of ending up on bedrest with 3 little ones that need me!

Still not excited, I think I am too darn sick to be Good thing there is 8 months left....

 

sbuxsweetie

I felt the exact same way when I got my BFP on May 1. We had sex a little closer to O than usual (4 days) because I O'd earlier than I usually do. 8 months of successful Natural Family Planning and bam- here we are, getting ready for 2 under 2! Crazy. Money is tight here too, and I have a job but am waiting to hear back about a job interview I had a few weeks back. I applied for the position before I knew I was pregnant, so I'm pursuing it. Definitely scared about what the future holds, but I am getting more excited and used to the idea as time goes on. I'm here if you need to talk

FullHeartMama

KatieKim0815:

FullHeartMama:

KatieKim0815:

You're not raining on a 1st tri parade!!! There are such a range of emotions that come with this. I think that's why they give you 9 months to prepare. Some women get the "OMG"s in the 1st tri and others in the 3rd. it is so normal. 

Talk to the hubby and you might be comforted to know you're going through the same things together! 

You're so sweet. Thank you! 

You're so welcome!! Just LOLing at myself because I just posted on 2nd tri about how I'm worried about DS1 feeling left out today. Every other day of this pregnancy has been excited but today I was thinking about missing baby number 1 not being the only one left! So I've had a freakout today too! Let us know how telling your hubby goes and how you feel! 

Aww.. I'm sure I'll be right there with you soon. I've already started to think about that - although I had a rough labor with DS1 so I am sort of glad to be getting this one on its way (if all goes well, of course). 

I'll keep you updated! I'm feeling a BIT calmer now. 

FullHeartMama

Sunkissedfaith:

I feel the EXACT same way. DH and I knew we were done adding to our family. With 3 kids we felt maxed out lol (4 year old bio son, and a 2.5 year old and 9 month old adopted from Ethiopia).

We were preventing pregnancy so imagine my surpise when my boobs were hurting so bad I took a pregnancy test on a whim it it said PREGNANT.

I honestly still can't believe it. We will have 4 kids 4 years old and under. We just brought home our youngest son in April from Ethiopia so we are still in transition. I get extremame all-day sickness with my pregnancies, and I just feel totally in over my head...not to mention I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks with my oldest son (he ended up being born full term after bedrest for 6 weeks) so I am terrified of ending up on bedrest with 3 little ones that need me!

Still not excited, I think I am too darn sick to be Good thing there is 8 months left....

 

Aww, mama, I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now. But LO#4 will only add more joy to your family, I'm sure. And what an awesome opportunity for your youngest to be a "big brother" - that will be a neat experience for him! 

Fingers crossed that this one is an uneventful pregnancy for you and your MS passes quickly! I remember how that felt and I'm really hoping I won't deal with it too badly this time...

FullHeartMama

sbuxsweetie:

I felt the exact same way when I got my BFP on May 1. We had sex a little closer to O than usual (4 days) because I O'd earlier than I usually do. 8 months of successful Natural Family Planning and bam- here we are, getting ready for 2 under 2! Crazy. Money is tight here too, and I have a job but am waiting to hear back about a job interview I had a few weeks back. I applied for the position before I knew I was pregnant, so I'm pursuing it. Definitely scared about what the future holds, but I am getting more excited and used to the idea as time goes on. I'm here if you need to talk

Thank you!! It really makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only person in this boat right now. I'm hoping joy takes over soon. 

akating

Hang in there! I felt EXACTLY the same way as you when I got my BFP. It does get better and sooner than you would think. I am also BF my son and I am a little overwhelmed at home with just one and am concerned about how it will be with two. You can do it! And so can I! Hang in there and before you know it you will be excited . 

FullHeartMama

ClaryPax:

I kind of agree with you.  DS is only 18 months and though we were trying it happened a lot sooner than I thought.  We just decided we want the kids close in age and want to get the baby stage over with all at one time, so we are just going to barrel through the hard parts (pregnancy for me, and the sleep deprivation) until we get to the other side of having our life and my body kind of back again.  

Oh man, I couldn't agree with this more. DS literally just started STTN at 13 months old (and by STTN, I mean "giving me 5 hour stretches at a time") so for the last year, I've been getting up with him every 2-4 hours all night long. I'm hoping the next one will be a bit less of a fitful sleeper, but if not, let's just get on with it and get it over with! 

FullHeartMama

akating:

Hang in there! I felt EXACTLY the same way as you when I got my BFP. It does get better and sooner than you would think. I am also BF my son and I am a little overwhelmed at home with just one and am concerned about how it will be with two. You can do it! And so can I! Hang in there and before you know it you will be excited . 

You're awesome. Thank you. 

mrs.kapow

It also helped to realize that although DD has been the center of my world for a year+, she won't remember life without her sister. Sure, there's bound to be transition time, but they will always have one another and there won't be any "remember when it was just me" sort of things later on.