Discouraged

kellyrn9956

We visited a Maryland agency last night. First of all, Maryland is a difficult state, as there is a 30-day revocation period. So we knew going in that it would be stressful. However, we were not prepared for what we heard.

They are closing their non-African American program. 85%+ of infants placed in Maryland are African American, and the wait for a Caucasian infant was 4-5 years. So they ethically decided to stop even offering it. Maryland does not allow birth mothers to receive living expenses, so many birth mothers are going to other states for support.

Without going into too much detail, our town is not an optimal place for an African American child to be raised.

This has disillusioned me to a point. Money seems to be a big factor in adopting children of non-African American race, and the agencies that have bigger Caucasian programs seem to be of the $30,000+ range.

Can anyone help dig me out of my hole here? Are there agencies out there of the $25,000 or under range without hellish wait times for Caucasian infants? ::Sigh::

jillianmb

If the town environment is what's stopping you, would you consider moving to another town?  

kellyrn9956

jillianmb:

If the town environment is what's stopping you, would you consider moving to another town?  

To sell our house, we would simply break even right now, if that. So moving is not really an option. Trust me, it's run through my mind...

jillianmb

Have you checked out Bethany Christian Services?  We looked into them when we were thinking about domestic and their program was under $25,000.   Not sure about wait times, but they are national so I would think they would be on the lower end.  site: https://www.bethany.org/crofton

kellyrn9956

Thanks so much for your advice. I am looking foward to moving forward with this. Looks like we may need to look at a more national scope. Which may be better anyway.

Thanks!

 

Rachel Sonnier

We are with an agency that works with couples all over the country and has Agency Assisted Domestic Infant Adoption fees on a sliding scale, based on income. 

They also offer an independent adoption program which I was told yesterday is $6,500 for the program fee + whatever expenses you incur with the expectant mother. 

The agency is based in Texas, which would require you to do some traveling, so it  might not be something you guys are interested in. 

PM me if you want more info. 

kellyrn9956

Rachel Sonnier:

We are with an agency that works with couples all over the country and has Agency Assisted Domestic Infant Adoption fees on a sliding scale, based on income. 

They also offer an independent adoption program which I was told yesterday is $6,500 for the program fee + whatever expenses you incur with the expectant mother. 

The agency is based in Texas, which would require you to do some traveling, so it  might not be something you guys are interested in. 

PM me if you want more info. 

Thanks!  If you could PM me with the name of the agency, I would be grateful.

Amyaggie97

I am sending you a PM in just a minute.

Dr.Loretta

I'd look in neighboring states, or regionally/nationally. It can happen, it just may take more digging.

Zanymermaid

Try Adoptions Together in Silver Spring, MD. We are using this agency. They said that the average wait time for a Caucasian infant is 3 years. Their fees are based on a sliding fee scale. They also have a office in Herndon, VA.

kellyrn9956

Amyaggie97:

I am sending you a PM in just a minute.

Thank you! That's very helpful. Thank you ladies all so much for tolerating a nervous nellie newbie!

kellyrn9956

Zanymermaid:

Try Adoptions Together in Silver Spring, MD. We are using this agency. They said that the average wait time for a Caucasian infant is 3 years. Their fees are based on a sliding fee scale. They also have a office in Herndon, VA.

YGPM.

summergirl79

Catholic Charities Adoption Services has a sliding scale for services too. GL1

silliestbunny

I am sorry you are feeling discouraged.  It's a crazy and sometimes rough journey.  There are tons of agencies that should be able to work with you.  It will just take some research.  Personally, I'd steer clear of an trying to work within Maryland if the revocation period is really 30 days long (know that sometimes this is the state law but birth moms can sign earlier/waive the revocation period... it's not as cut and dry as the spreadsheets make it seem).

Also, the wait time is so varied.... it is really an unpredicatable part of adoption.  Don't hold too tightly to what you think is reasonable.  When agencies quote wait times, realize that they average is often not represntative of what your filters are... for example, someone may wait one day esp if they have no filters (drugs, alcohol, mental issues) and others may wait four years if they only will accept a Caucasian girl whose birth mom went to college.  Needless to say, the average or mean is not necessarily accurate for what is happening at that agency.

Lastly, about money--- if there's an agency you really want to work with but is over your budget, you may consider fundraising or finding money within your monthly budget.  Our journey was expensive.. and we lived like we were saving for a lot of our journey.  I called it being "adoption poor".  We didn't eat out often.  We cut expenses wherever we could.  We stockpiled all the extra cash we could... and we made it happen.

Hang in there...

IRR

We too live in an adoption unfriendly state, so we are seeking a child outside of our state.  Not sure that the cost won't be under $25K, but it shouldn't be more than $30-35K.  We are doing a private adoption, yet our state requires an agency, so we will use an agency once a child is identified and then use the agency that is closest to the BM and one she may be comfortable with.  There are many ways around the "state" laws.  You may want to talk to either a national agency or a lawyer.  GL and if for some reason you want they name of a lawyer, PM me.

Rachel Sonnier

YGPM Kelly!