New-Intro: Hubby ready for kids... me not so much :/

MrsH8611

Hi!! New to the bump. 24 -married 10 months . I bounce back and forth from The Knot and The Nest. I still love reading all the engagements

 So Hubby is ready for kids now. Catch is.. he wants to move back home when we do start to have kids. (From IL-all family is there & currently live in MT).

Story is... my hubs got a job in Montana (we were living in IL) ...5 days after the wedding, we moved everything into a moving truck and off we went. We don't know anyone here besides our new neighbors and the people we work with. The jobs we have aren't big time money jobs (just ones to get us exp. toward our degrees). We rent a house and just are exlporing new areas. I have wanted to live by the beach my whole life and a while back we decided that we would move to a place he loves for a while (mountains) then move to a place I love for a while, then start a family. Well, we have been in Montana surrounded by mountains for about 10 months now.

He wants to start having kids (which I think is really sweet and awesome that he is ready first... but I feel selfish saying no because I still want to go live on the beach for at least a year. The main point I guess is that since February I have been having issues with my period/endometreosis complications/cysts etc. So now my chancing of pregnancy or that of any easy one is on the boarder line of being threatened/not possible. So my hubby is scared that we won't be able to have them in the future so he wants to try now just in case. A piece of me wants to try now too just in case I can't down the road, but I just want to do so much more before I am a Mom. I feel so selfish and very confused. Anyone ever been in this situation? Or have any words or wisdom? I feel bad because some women could care less how ready they are for kids, they just feel blessed to have them or just to get pregnant; and that is amazing and I value that a lot. I just don't think I am ready yet and feel horrible that I would to choose getting my masters degree or moving to the beach for a year over my future family, if I can even have kids:(

MelissaMiso

First off, I'd suggest you be very open and honest with your husband about your concerns, confusion and feelings. Then, I suggest you talk to your OB/Gyn now about future pregnancies. After that, start doing "prep work" of having a baby so to speak.

Getting yourself to the best level of health and fitness, talking to your OB/Gyn about your health conditions, starting prenatal vitamins now (even if you choose to not try to conceive [TTC] for a while), starting stress reducing activities like yoga, getting your finances in order (babies are not cheap), seeing what your health insurance covers, tracking your periods/learning your body rhythms and mentally preparing for a baby (babies are exhausting) can all be part of having a baby even long before you conceive. This way you will be preparing for and planning the pregnancy while giving yourself more time to decide when it is the best time to start a family.

I know a few women who have endometriosis/irregular periods who have become mothers. Best of luck to you and welcome to the Bump.

P.S. You are young so you do have a lot of time to choose to become a mother (I just had my first at age 39). Good luck!

Noethola

Hi there: 

My two cents, its better to wait than to have resentment for feeling pressured. You do not want to resent the baby or your family because things happened to early. I definitely agree you need to talk with your husband. 

Also, dont feel like having a family means your dreams will get squashed. Yes the timeline may change, but that doesnt mean they will never happen. Perhaps you can start lookign into moving now. The baby will take a while to grow after all. In a few months, you may be able to move to a beach area and then start working on your family.

Dont get discouraged.  

NickiLou

I agree with the last poster. Don't rush yourself into it and don't feel guilty about wanting to wait! YOU need to be ready first and foremost. But definitely be open with your husband and discuss your concerns.

My husband is ready to have a baby, but I'm not. (Been married two months!) I want to travel and have free time and do stupid things (I'm only 23 and was way too responsible in college!). Point being- you know yourself and your dreams. Do them while you can and what is meant to be will be. There's no guarantee you won't be able to have kids in the future. Don't sacrifice your present moment and other experiences for fear of not having something down the road.

Good luck!

MrsH8611

sorry it took me so long to reply! I lost the post! But thank you for all the kind words and wisdom. It helped more than you know. The obgyn put me on the nuva ring, so no babies for right now anyways! Thanks again for all the help!