Could I get some input on this?

mscheevus

My husband and I had been talking about adopting a pet (or two) before getting married. However, a few weeks before the wedding I found out I was pregnant so I wanted to wait until after the babies were born.

Well, hubby went to work Yesterday, came back home with two kittens and acted like it was no big deal. First of all, we haven't gotten anything done as far as preparing for the babies. We just started planing the nursery and have a handful or two of clothing (my shower is in July, but still...). Second (this is what really bothers me) even if I wasn't pregnant I feel like we should be making that kind of decision together.

Husband doesn't think it's a big deal apparently. I haven't said anything yet because I don't want to get into an argument that isn't worth fighting.

Should I just let is slide or should we converse?

PS. I don't think I have the heart to give the kittens back, so we'll be keeping them.

kjskjs

If it were my husband, I would be extremely upset. This is the kind of thing that effects both of us and our finances so in our household that makes it a joint decision and not something one of us can just go out and do. I would be especially upset when we are expecting..that's enough at one time. I'd wait on the pets.

MarisaKathleen

I don't see it as being a big deal.  I'd be annoyed with him for not talking to me about it first, but after seeing their little cat faces, I'm sure I'd forgive him.

I'm a big believer that kids should grow up with pets, so this is a good time to get them in my opinion so the kittens can adjust to your home now and then in a few weeks adjust to having a baby there.

Good luck with the new adventure!

ilovelife

kjskjs:

If it were my husband, I would be extremely upset. This is the kind of thing that effects both of us and our finances so in our household that makes it a joint decision and not something one of us can just go out and do. I would be especially upset when we are expecting..that's enough at one time. I'd wait on the pets.

This. You need to let him know it bothered you. Good luck! 

bonjourbelle05

I would be pissed (even more so because I'm so hormonal)....DH wants a dog like nothing else in the world, but if he came home with one right now I'd neuter him right there (DH).  We would def be having a conversation....since you've had some time to cool down since the initial kitten appearance I would def talk to him about it...like "hey we are a team and we need to be a team esp once this baby gets here"....you don't want LO saying I want a dog/car/etc and DH brings home a dog/car/etc.

On another note make sure you get the kittens to the vet to be sure they don't have any diseases/issues.  Also, make sure you don't do the litterbox...I have been around kitties my whole life and I am still not immune to toxoplasmosis.  Good luck!

mscheevus

Thanks ladies!

Harley86

I personally would be irate.  That is definitely a joint decision, especially considering it affects both of your lives, as well as finances!  I think you need to let him know it upset you and going forward this is definitely something that needs to be talked about as husband and wife!

ambersmith1

Well just to look at the bright side...Cats are pretty easy.  Give them a litter box and the potty training is done   food, water and a couple of toys and they are good to go.  Also, since you are pregnant you cannot change the litter box so guess that gets to be your husbands job

 

White0rchid

That is definitely not okay. I would be livid. I agree that it's good to have pets and babies grow up together, but he should have waited until the baby(ies?) have settled for a few months. Now you have to prepare for babies and deal with kittens at the same time. That really just sucks. And, I'm definitely a pet person- we have 4 dogs and 2 guinea pigs. I still would not like the idea of having to adjust to and train new pets and a baby at the same time.

gingerfamily

What's done is done so I don't see any point in getting upset now.

mlf625

Was he thinking it would be a fun surprise gift, since it's something you'd talked about in the past?  I'd be a little miffed but probably not make a huge deal out of it, since you plan to keep them anyway.

beckslea

I would be furious!  I would make it very clear that this is a huge deal and never again is he to add a family member without your consent.

mrs.kapow

mlf625:

Was he thinking it would be a fun surprise gift, since it's something you'd talked about in the past?  I'd be a little miffed but probably not make a huge deal out of it, since you plan to keep them anyway.

This.

I'd reiterate my point that this should have been a joint decision, but then use this as a jumping point for getting prepped for your human family member(s?) to join you.

As in, "Hey, remember when you brought home two cats? Well we're bringing home effing children soon, so let's get on the horse here, ok?"

And don't forget he should be cleaning the litter box. 

hmp1

How many boards did you ask? I responded to your post on ML.

BillyMollyEmmy

HAHA I just posted about my crazy ass cat and then you post this. I want to tell you that you might be in for it... but I love kitties. All pets can be a challenge.

FWIW, when my DH brought home our last kitten (she was a stray and he saved her) I couldn't be mad. He didn't ask me, either. He called me and said something along the lines of "I have a kitty I want to bring home... I already went to Walmart and bought her litter box and some toys and some kitten food, but if you don't want her I guess I can take that all back." And then she meowed and then my heart melted. Dangit!!

 

DolphinLover2002

I agree partially with everyone. I would be upset if my husband just brought home an animal or 2 without asking me first. I would just sit down and nicely talk to him about how these types of things need to be talked about with each other and agreed on first. But I wouldn't be really pissed because there is no point in it. But you also cannot let it go untalked about in my opinion. Just do it nicely and then decide what you are going to do with the kittens.

I have a 6 year old black lab. I grew up with a black lab and I loved having a pet. I wanted to have a dog for my child to grow up with. So I wouldn't change that for anything. I'm glad to have a pet. Good luck to you no matter what your decision.

watercolor5

Always converse when something might possibly be bothering you.  Otherwise it can fester and you can become resentful, when just talking through things keeps you connected and defuses situations before they turn into something bigger. 

Early in marriage is the perfect time to discuss what types of purchases/commitments need to be discussed as a couple before decisions are made.  DH and I decided that any large purchase over a specific dollar amount would be discussed ahead of time.  But we also know that any decision that will impact our finances, time, or lifestyle, like a pet, need to be discussed in advance too. 

This is the type of thing that every couple has to work through at the beginning of marriage.  I've never regretted talking to my husband about what I'm feeling, even if I think it's irrational.  And he's much more likely to be frustrated when he can tell something is wrong, but doesn't know what it is. 

misspunky

I would be very unhappy if my husband had done this, especially because we just gave our cat to a co-worker of his that LOVES cats, so better home for him and much quieter home for us (this cat was a monster). That being said, if you think you'll have a hard time finding another home for the kittens, maybe give it a while for them to settle in and see how they'll interact with your family.  I would definitely talk to him about it, though.  It's really a decision that involves both of you and he took it upon himself to make the decision for you.

MrsAB1316

TheAnne:

OMG. KITTENS!!! 

 

I mean...  he totally should have talked to you first.

 

but... KITTIES!!!! 

This! lol....   I demand pics of the little furballs.  I miss the kitten stage of my babies....  All 3 of mine are 5 years old now.   They're still playful, but they don't have that kitten innocence, you know?   

ETA:  Also, while I'd be upset that he didn't discuss it with me, I wouldn't be too worried about getting a cat trained and getting ready for a kid.  Cats are somehow predisposed to know how to use a little box.  Don't worry about it.  Get their shots and stuff and you'll be fine.  You can't even spay/neuter them until they are 6 months old, so you've got a few months to worry about that.