? About Foster-to-Adopt

elissaann26

DH and I are licensed foster parents waiting for "the call" for our placement.  I tell people that we are fostering-to-foster, because adoption is not an intended goal for us.  If it becomes available then we will decide at that time what is right for our family.  Our county has a very strong focus on shared parenting and reunification, which is HUGE reason we feel like fostering fits our family so well.  We want to give these parents a second chance and provide a healthy environment for the child(ren) while the parents are getting back up on their feet.  This strong focus of reunification may be the source of my confusion about foster-to-adopt. 

So here's my honest question (and I don't mean for this to come off snarky or rude).  How can you fully support reunification and shared parenting if your end goal is adoption? 

I do understand that some children in foster care already have parental rights terminated.  Therefore they are placed with families who are approved foster parents planning to adopt.  My above question is in reference to foster care placements where parental rights have not been terminated. 

lady_chance_99

fredalina:

We were foster-to-adopt, and yes, we hoped to adopt and add permanently to our family in the process. We had 3 placements; we adopted our third. The first placement was a sibling set placed in our home while the state worked to get the grandmother (not a legal resident or citizen) services to be able to care for the 2 kids. The state's policy is not to place a child with an illegal immigrant unless the judge deems it best, which the judge did after only 8 days with us. After learning the full situation (which should have been shared from the start but wasn't, grrrr) it was absolutely the right outcome for those 2 kids. There was no abuse or neglect and they stayed with family. The second placement was a 12 year old boy who had been removed at 2 when his older sister was removed and placed unofficially with the aunt for educational neglect. The parents had several younger kids they were successfully parenting and the aunt didn't want him anymore. He was only with us a few days until the judge ordered him returned to his parents. He never should have been removed and then the "case" not monitored. There's no reason that boy should live with his aunt for a decade when his parents were stable. I hate safety plans. Anyway, no doubt RU was what should have happened in that case. Our third placement was DD at 2 days old. Her birthparents had lost kids to the state for drugs before. Her birthmother actually sustained massive brain damage years ago and is disabled and cannot work much less raise her kids . When the state offered her treatment, she said (quote) "I have better things to do." She and the birthdad signed out of the hospital and disappeared. There was not a single family member who could pass a background check; most were dead or homeless and one had lost kids before too for drugs. Adoption was without question the right solution. I really don't see how the two ideas (fostering with hopes of adoption) are mutually exclusive. You can support reunification and hope to adopt someday, too.  Thankfully we didn't have a case where what the state wanted (at least after going to the judge) wasn't what we felt was right, but I think of it like knowing my sister is making a bad decision (or at least not the one I'd make) but still supporting her.

Well said. Just because you hope to adopt AT SOME POINT doesn't mean that you can't support RU until that situation happens. Essentially what you are doing is praying for the best outcome for every child that comes your way- that if they can then they get to RU and if they can't then they get a wonderful adoptive home whether that is your home or not. GL

elissaann26

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective!  I knew there were quite a few foster-to-adpot ladies on here, so I was hoping to gain some insight.

I think it helps me to see that even though you are hoping to adopt someday, you are still willing to accept that reunification could be the best option for the child in care. And the analogy below drives this point home!

fredalina:

I really don't see how the two ideas (fostering with hopes of adoption) are mutually exclusive. You can support reunification and hope to adopt someday, too.  Thankfully we didn't have a case where what the state wanted (at least after going to the judge) wasn't what we felt was right, but I think of it like knowing my sister is making a bad decision (or at least not the one I'd make) but still supporting her.

My initial instinct when I hear foster-to-adopt is that the primary goal is adoption, but your explanation makes more sense that it is more of a long-term goal when the situation is right.

Thanks again for your insight!