Likelihood of an evaluation showing nothing ? (long)
Some background on DS?he just turned 3 years old. I find him to be a really bright (maybe even gifted), quick, funny and intuitive kid. He is often very sweet, affectionate, and considerate. I have never had any concerns about speech or intellectual abilities, but his behavior is reinless at times! He can be hard to transition and just plain defiant for no reason?he?ll fight sitting for snack at playgroup, but will eventually sit and eat, and likely want more. He?ll say (scream/cry) that he doesn?t want something when he actually does. He needs rigid structure and falls apart if/when we try or need to deviate. He almost always wakes up (nap only) screaming and can spend over an hour crying afterwards. If I don?t do things a certain way, we have problems. I find myself trying to control our environment, often telling people, ?Don?t say this around him, please don?t talk to him right now, please stop trying to help, ignore, don?t negotiate, and so much more because I know they?ll just set him off further. Tantrums are WILD ? he?ll struggle & fight to the point where he can hurt himself and anyone trying to hold/protect him. He understands time-out or taking a break, sometimes requests it, and ALWAYS chooses the consequence rather than the wanted behavior. We attend several playgroups/classes and have since he was 7months old, so it?s not that he doesn?t see how other kids go about things.
It?s REALLY exhausting because I can?t really leave him with ANYONE else for very long. Obviously I can?t describe all issues or scenarios, but we have issues or incidents three or more times a day.
I have read countless books and articles on temperament and strong-willed children and put many strategies to good use, but I can?t help but feel so sad when my kid feels bad. He often tells me, Mommy, I feel sad, or I don?t feel good, but can?t really target why. I have wondered if something is causing his behavioral issues (For the record, he has always been high strung.)
So????..
I brought DS in for an evaluation. We went to a prestigious university hospital and had our appointment with a doctor specializing in Pediatric Developmental & Behavioral Medicine. I expected a team of people or something more thorough.
The doctor sat with me while DS played. We went over my concerns and basic health history. He then sat with DS. Asked him some question about what he was playing with, then had him complete some exercises ... which animal does this, which animal says this, etc. He had him line up and stack blocks a certain way, had him demonstrate a baby doll using a bottle. Draw a line, draw a circle, which is longer, shorter, wider, higher, etc. Doc was talking to him and asking questions the whole time, but that/s about it.
The end result was that he felt DS did not have anything developmentally or behaviorally concerning. He did agree that DSs temperament is challenging (based on my description, but DS was great during the appt), but really felt strongly that he didn?t have an actual dx. He mentioned that DS has low tone, but did not feel like it was something we needed to address specifically.
Some questions:
Does this evaluation that I described sound
appropriate? I was expecting something more, not sure what 
In your experience, is a mother's gut feeling usually right? What's the likelihood of a mother feeling like her child needs an evaluation and it not turning up anything? Wondering if I should pursue something more or if I?m over analyzing a bit? Does this sound like challenging but not abnormal behavior for a child his age? Can it be so simple that, as Dr said, he will outgrow these behaviors with time and maturity?
For the record, I?m a middle school teacher certified in both general and special education, however I have only taught in the gen ed and inclusion setting ? so no ?real? experience with how special needs presents itself outside of textbook or brief observation.
Re: Likelihood of an evaluation showing nothing ? (long)
Auntie, thank you for taking the time to both read and respond to my post. I have downloaded and begun reading ?The Explosive Child? as a result of your rec. I recognized my son in the descriptions of poor flexibility and frustration tolerance. I expect this will be a good resource, thank you.
I want to add that I had _no idea_ that I could or should ask for a formal report. I will be calling the doctor to see about receiving such a report. On a related note, I briefly looked into what the M-CHAT and ADOS are; I believe you are likely correct in your supposition of those measures being used. We saw a doctor at New York University?s Department of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics.
I?m at a bit of a standstill now since I don?t know what to do next. We are looking to have DS attend a half-day PK3 program in September; I think we may take a wait and see approach, letting his behavior and adjustment there guide us along. I would much rather act now, but we may need to revisit this in time.
My continued thanks.