In-Laws Not Excited

jeggomyeggo

 Details: First time grandparents, my DH is the second son of two

When we did the "big reveal" with his parents, we were still in shock ourselves so to see the shocked (and not in a great way) look on their faces was not something I dealt with well.

His mom barely muttered a congratulations and kept to herself the rest of the afternoon. I gave her 2 hours to process and brought it up cautiously, "Sooo, big surprise, huh? Are you feeling okay?" (<--I'm saying this to HER!). She proceeded to tell me how she thought we were going to wait 5 years, etc etc (we were married this January). I had nothing to offer because it was a surprise to us too. At the end of the afternoon, FIL had gotten on board and seemed excited. MIL didn't mention it again and hasn't mentioned it since (we told them on memorial day).

A few days after, they did come over while DH was on a business trip and did laundry, yard work, and cooked for me--something they've never done before. I know this is how they show love, but is it too much to ask to have excited grandparents???

Has anyone dealt with a MIL like this? Do I just ignore her negative reaction or what? Their excitment is the best support for us at this point while we're still trying to wrap our brains around it.

 TIA

lucy11111

That is disappointing. Do they have any big reason to be concerned about you having a baby? Are you very young or not financial stable?

graciesmurf

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.  Both sets of our parents are 1st time grandparents.  We told my in-laws by buying them little presents (we had just gone on a trip and told them we had souvenirs for them).  My FIL opened his first and it was a onsie that said, "Grandpa's Favorite".  My MIL didn't see him open it, but he got the biggest smile on her face I've ever seen.  When my MIL opened her present she looked like she was going to be sick.  I don't think she was mad, she just doesn't deal with change very well.

We hadn't told DH's parents that we were TTC (DH didn't want to in case it took a while) but we told my parents because I wanted my mom's support (she had a hard time TTC).  So, when we told my parents that they were going to be grandparents they were both so happy, but not nearly as excited as my FIL since there really wasn't a surprise. 

If I were you I'd focus on the positive reactions you are getting.  It takes some people longer to process big news and the "surprise" approach doesn't bode well.  I'm sure that your MIL will come around-at least when she sees her new grandbaby.

JenR6

My MIL was the same way. She has come around a bit more ? we told them early after our first apt at 7 weeks. It?s gotten better but it?s still not what I thought it would be. My SO is an only child (so I thought she would be thrilled!) and we have been together for nearly 5 years so it wasn?t an accident or some fly by night thing. Her and I are fairly close even ? shop together, go out to lunches etc... It was more hard on SO than anything else. He was really excited to tell her and she definitely didn?t react the way we had expected so it was hard to see him down about it.   I ignored her reaction even though it did hurt me. I brought over u/s pics hoping to get her more excited - didnt do much. I have just kept my distance and dont bring it up unless she does.    Hang in there! Hopefully it gets better for you!  

sjgurl784

Lurking...

Your situation is very similar to mine.  We were surprised and had only been married a month.  MIL wasn't all that excited when we told her but has since come around and will cook us dinner a few times a month.  I think it's her way of showing her support and that she's excited/happy.  She later told us that she was really surprised and it took her a while to come around to the idea that she's old enough to be a grandmother.

I think all grandparents-to-be process the news of their first grandbaby differently.  Some are chomping at the bit to be grandparents while others could stand to let a few more years go by until it happens. 

This is still new for everyone, so just give her time.  Who knows, maybe by the end you'll be asking for advice on how to keep her out of the delivery room!

BirdieToldMe

This would have really hurt me so I can understand why you're upset.  I'm also wondering if you're incredibly young or financially dependent on your ILs.  That would be the only reason I could somewhat understand her reaction; however, that was incredibly nice of them to come over recently and help you out so much.  People sometimes show love differently but that was a very nice gesture so try to focus on the positive.  GL!

ConstanceGoodspeed

jeggomyeggo:

A few days after, they did come over while DH was on a business trip and did laundry, yard work, and cooked for me--something they've never done before.

 

 

This sounds incredibly supportive to me. 

ByGrace22

ConstanceGoodspeed:

jeggomyeggo:

A few days after, they did come over while DH was on a business trip and did laundry, yard work, and cooked for me--something they've never done before.

 

 

This sounds incredibly supportive to me. 

 

I agree.  It sounds like they were REALLY surprised, for whatever reason, but are coming around nicely.  Some people just aren't the over-the-top excitement type of people.  But from their actions, it looks like they want to take care of you and let you focus on the baby.  That's great! 

PeonyPumps

ByGrace22:

ConstanceGoodspeed:

jeggomyeggo:

A few days after, they did come over while DH was on a business trip and did laundry, yard work, and cooked for me--something they've never done before.

 

 

This sounds incredibly supportive to me. 

 

I agree.  It sounds like they were REALLY surprised, for whatever reason, but are coming around nicely.  Some people just aren't the over-the-top excitement type of people.  But from their actions, it looks like they want to take care of you and let you focus on the baby.  That's great! 

ITA too.  I think that some people just express it differently.  I'd be over the moon if I had IL's who wanted to support me by cooking, doing laundry, and doing yardwork.  Can I have your IL's? 

ETA:  My IL's are great, I just don't know that would ever occur to them that I needed help in that way. 

bklynbmp

Wow!  They did your laundry, yard work and cooking?  That sounds pretty amazing to me. 

myskyegirl

I'm sorry to hear that your I.L weren't too thrilled at the beginning.  Perhaps they wanted you to enjoy the beginning of marriage before starting a family.  I'm thinking they know how difficult/stressful a baby can be to newlyweds starting out. 

It sounds like the cooking and cleaning was their way of saying "We're sorry for our reactions."  Give them a chance, as time goes by and they get to see their new Shim I'm sure they will soften. 

 

jeggomyeggo

lucy11111:

That is disappointing. Do they have any big reason to be concerned about you having a baby? Are you very young or not financial stable?

DH and I are  in our late 20s, early 30s and are both gainfully employed, in fact, this baby will not be much of a burden on us financially at all (thank goodness, I couldn't handle one more stress), unless, of course, I decide to be a SAHM. Then, we'll have quite the adjustments.

Thank you all for your advice/input! Maybe I'm making too big a deal of it and if so, my pregnant self needs to hear that! They are great about "showing" us how they love us. I come from a family that gives a lot of lip action (I have 4 sisters! Our house was very communicative growing up) and it's hard to see the opposite.

--Actually, I'm so hormonal, I don't care how she feels, I just want her to beam at me because she's going to be a grandparent, dadgumit!!

anneimal98

sjgurl784:

Lurking...

Your situation is very similar to mine.  We were surprised and had only been married a month.  MIL wasn't all that excited when we told her but has since come around and will cook us dinner a few times a month.  I think it's her way of showing her support and that she's excited/happy.  She later told us that she was really surprised and it took her a while to come around to the idea that she's old enough to be a grandmother.

I think all grandparents-to-be process the news of their first grandbaby differently.  Some are chomping at the bit to be grandparents while others could stand to let a few more years go by until it happens. 

This is still new for everyone, so just give her time.  Who knows, maybe by the end you'll be asking for advice on how to keep her out of the delivery room!

That is hard for some grandparents to be, particularly if they're just getting used to the idea that their son is old enough to be married.

drpayne

lucy11111:

That is disappointing. Do they have any big reason to be concerned about you having a baby? Are you very young or not financial stable?

 

This... Am I the only one thinking there must be more to the story?

ashdonne

PeonyPumps:

ByGrace22:

ConstanceGoodspeed:

jeggomyeggo:

A few days after, they did come over while DH was on a business trip and did laundry, yard work, and cooked for me--something they've never done before.

 

 

This sounds incredibly supportive to me. 

 

I agree.  It sounds like they were REALLY surprised, for whatever reason, but are coming around nicely.  Some people just aren't the over-the-top excitement type of people.  But from their actions, it looks like they want to take care of you and let you focus on the baby.  That's great! 

ITA too.  I think that some people just express it differently.  I'd be over the moon if I had IL's who wanted to support me by cooking, doing laundry, and doing yardwork.  Can I have your IL's? 

ETA:  My IL's are great, I just don't know that would ever occur to them that I needed help in that way. 

Not everyone is a jump up and down kind of person----oh my goodness I would faint and fall over if my in-laws came and did this stuff for me.  Sounds like they are being super supportive.

bells039

My inlaws werent excited the first time and I am sure they won't be this time around. It's just how they are.

Wild_flower25

We don't have excited grandparents, but I'm ok with that.  We are having a baby for us, not for them.

 

I think they'll get more into it once we're closer.  Its so early yet.  And they're not real expressive people.

LaurelBee

Sorry her reaction was less than thrilled. My ILs are overly invested in our lives and I would be a little relieved if they would take a few steps back. So I guess the grass isn't always greener. But a "congrats! We're very happy for you." isn't too much to ask for from your ILs. Glad to hear she's coming around at least. GL mama

Brie2006

Is it possible that they don't like you very much? Is there a history of tension or arguments there?

Sorry, but this is the first thing that comes to mind. If they loved you as the wife of their son and you are in a position to support a baby, I can't imagine another reason why they wouldn't be happy. 

AlyssaT90

Both of our parents will be 1st time grandparents too. We have been married for two years and my mom thought that we should have waited a few more years as well. She was less then thrilled when we first told her our news. But after she had a couple days to wrap her head around being a grandma she has come around to the idea. It was probably a shock to your IL's (especially if they're young like my parents my mom is only 41) but it sounds like they're coming around. By the time LO arrives I'm sure they'll be just as excited as everyone else. Don't worry too much.

 Congrats on your pregnancy!  

paullamk

It could be worse - we told my in-laws that we were expecting our 2nd child and my FIL said he had to go because it was his turn to swing (he was golfing).

awwwalex

my MIL is the most self involved, selfish person I've ever met and the husband and daughter aren't much better.  You have to just ignore them and worry about whats positive and important for you and your growing family!

jillylivinlife

My Inlaws were the excited ones. My dad turned my pregnancy (# 2) into a personal insult. Some ppl are just weird like that. I've ignored it, and if he comes around he comes around. If he doesnt... his loss I guess.