got a call

baze2

We got a call last night. Baby girl already born..however we chose not to be considered. It was the toughest thing we have ever had to do..

BM and baby tested positive for opiates. Both BM and BF had signed their off on the placement. However the history from the bm indicates chronic and substantial use during the entire pregnancy.. It would have been too much for us to handle, we think.

We are crushed but are praying that the other family is able to parent her. I hope this awful feeling goes away..any one know if it ever does?

I just keep thinking there is a baby girl that needs some love!

 

silliestbunny

I am so sorry... I know that pain and second guessing.  It's tough.  We were matched for four months w/a "clean" situation but it turned out the baby tested positive for opiates.  The more digging we did once the baby was born, the more we learned that made us uneasy.  It was the hardest thing we ever did to say NO.... but it was right for us in the moment.

One lesson we learned (revisit this as your heart heals) was we needed to be much better versed on what drugs, if any, we were okay to consider.  This came out of the blue but was a real wakeup call that even no drug situations might not be... ulimlately we changed our filters... and then ended up w/two no exposure situations.  Go figure.

Big bug to you.  I know how much you are hurting today and it's an awful feeling.  I found some solace knowing that our "No' meant the happiest day for another family as they learned of and met their baby girl...  Hang in there. 

baze2

Thank you silliest..you are so insightful. You are right. Some family (who can handle the long term implications) are haivng the best Sunday of their lives right now..and that little baby girl is one lucky little girl

 

cogbot

I'm sure that was a very tough choice.  I hope you and your DH get "The Call" soon.   

c&dwaiting4ourmiracle

My prayers are with you and your family.

We had to make a similar decision just a couple of months ago. We also declined, and although it was very hard at the time, deep down we knew it was the right decision for us.  Have faith that you and your child will find each other.  My advice is to be open about your feelings with your support system.  Sometimes just talking about it makes a difference.    

silliestbunny

baze2:

Thank you silliest..you are so insightful. You are right. Some family (who can handle the long term implications) are haivng the best Sunday of their lives right now..and that little baby girl is one lucky little girl

It's a journey... your "Sunday" will come... and someday you'll get tears in your eyes so thankful you made this hard decision because w/o it, you wouldn't end up with the baby that is meant for YOU.  I know right now it doesn't feel like this but just thinking about our journey and had we said yes to other situations leaves me breathless because my babies are MY babies... and I can't imagine it any other way.

Hang in there... and be super nice to yourself   From my experience, most people won't get that the pain you are feeling is real... and doesn't go away in the blink of an eye. 

baze2

You are right silliest, the pain is deep. Today is DH's Birthday. He is so remorseful and sad because of our decision. Although he does know that it was the right decision. He keeps saying "Imagine, I could have been a Dad on my birthday and right before Father's day"..

You are right also..when we get our forever baby..it will be meant to be. The Lord's plan. The agency was really understanding. I hope baby girl found her forever home..

 

ellekae

Sending prayers and hugs your way, baze!