Give me some of your offensive comments you get

sroddy12

My husband and I have had some extremely rude comments thrown our way about our son from ignorant people.  I wish that there was more awareness about premature babies as people don't realize what the parents and babies have been through.  Here is one I got last weekend when we were on a mini vacation:

Lifeguard:  "oooh my he looks like he is fresh out of the oven"

Me:  "actually he will be five months old next week"

Lifeguard:  "reeaaallly"

Me:  "yea he was born over 2 months early"

Lifeguard:  "wellll....i GUESSSS that's better than the alternative"

I walked away... but wanted to say "his alternative wasn't to die... it was to be a full term baby but my body failed him"

please share yours... i'd like to slap people for their dumb comments!

urbanflowerpot

Oh wow...how rude! The closer he got to being one the less they came in - or if I could sense a comment coming I'd just say "yeah." Ohhhh is he a NB? Yeah. But lately with the moms in the park I spill my preemie guts when I feel they're sizing up his skills. 

The worst comment I got was about how he didn't look human in NICU. TB wrote an article with a whole list - I'll find it for you later! 

urbanflowerpot

urbanflowerpot:

Oh wow...how rude! The closer he got to being one the less they came in - or if I could sense a comment coming I'd just say "yeah." Ohhhh is he a NB? Yeah. But lately with the moms in the park I spill my preemie guts when I feel they're sizing up his skills. 

The worst comment I got was about how he didn't look human in NICU. TB wrote an article with a whole list - I'll find it for you later! 

Here's the link!

https://pregnant.thebump.com/new-mom-new-dad/newborn-basics/articles/worst-things-to-say-to-moms-of-preemies.aspx 

becketts

"At least you're getting to sleep." 

I hated that one with a passion! I didn't get to sleep because I had to pump every 3 hours. And I'd rather have been losing sleep than crying my way home from the NICU each night.  

ashk7

becketts:

"At least you're getting to sleep." 

I hated that one with a passion! I didn't get to sleep because I had to pump every 3 hours. And I'd rather have been losing sleep than crying my way home from the NICU each night.  

That was the WORST, I know people do not understand what it is like to have a preemie, but why the heck would they think that would make a FTM (in my case) with a baby in the hospital feel better, would you be able to sleep regaurdless of our pumping schedule with your child in the hospital?!

The one I hated, and the worst part is it came from my IN's allllll the time was,

"well she shouldn't even be here, yet"

Just writing it is makeing my blood pressure rise and the tears fill the eyes a little bit. They would say this if I was emotional because DH and I would wish she was home with us. I just wanted to scream, " Yeah no sh*t, thanks for reminding me she should be safe in my belly WITH me!"

ashk7

IN's was supposed to be IL's, autocorrect!

appylovee

While my son was still in the nicu i hated the " well at bleast you are getting to sleep" and the "well he shouldn't even be here yet" comments. The other day I was at the grocery store and the cashier looked at my son & said " wow, did you have him yesterday? you know he shouldn't be out of the house, he is way to young.." " um no, actually he is 2 months old, but thanks" " well he is really small, are you sure youre feeding him enough?" i hate people. ugh

urbanflowerpot

becketts:

"At least you're getting to sleep." 

I hated that one with a passion! I didn't get to sleep because I had to pump every 3 hours. And I'd rather have been losing sleep than crying my way home from the NICU each night.  

UGHHH I hated that one, too! for the same reasons, of course! "Take advantage of all the extra time you have to sleep!" Sleep?? you think I sleep? o_O 

DrRx

I hated the "One day soon you'll forget all about this time in the NICU."  Um, no.  This is an experience that changes you.  It is not something you "forget".  It made me feel like they were trivializing all that we were going through, like something that was easily forgotten. 

ktrkate

To be perfectly honest, none of these comments bothered me.  I never got any that were intentionally hurtful, so I always just let them slide.  While it can be hard to sort out all of the emotions involved with having a preemie, in general, people mean well...give them the benefit of the doubt. 

adrielegorburu

The "at least you get to sleep" and "its like having 24 hour a day babysitters" while in the NICU killed me - and of course the "at least you didnt get swollen ankles and stertch marks" ones of course - do you know what I would have given for stretch marks and swollen ankles??????  and my most hated "she looks like a "normal" baby" oh really?? SHE IS A NORMAL BABY

zoeyandsummersmom

I didn't and still don't know whether to laugh or cry at this comment regarding my daughter being born at 4lbs 14oz:

"Wow, the beef wellington I cooked on Thanksgiving was bigger than her." Gee thanks. My baby isn't a piece of meat.

lilmejo

People can be very hurtful!! The one thing that makes me so angry is when people are pregnant and are mad at their MD's for not inducing them earlier than 37-39 weeks. After DS was bron my neighbor was due shortly after and she complained that she was ready, tired of being pregnant and she couldnt beieve her MD wouldnt induce her. I felt like saying first of all I am the last person you should be complaining to about being induced, I'd give anything to have my body keep LO in there for an extra day let alone another 5 weeks, and b) it is so insensitive especially after listening to me tell you how difficult it was having a preemie! This is the one thing that drives me up the wall!! I want to tell people stop being selfish because you're tired of being pregnant and hot and fat or whatvever and care about the baby, every minute they're inside you is better for them!

rednelson

Maybe not so much rude, but my MIL drives me nuts when she makes the comment "I think he's going to be an early <fill in the blank>" (walker, talker, roller, etc). He was over 10 weeks early, he's already behind and gets PT/OT for his delays and I don't need to be reminded of it.  After I had gently reminded her of this several times, I finally had to lay it out there and tell her that although she didn't mean it that way, it was really hurtful to me and that I needed to accept his delays in order to get the most out of therapies he's getting.  The "he looks like a normal baby" comments never bothered me much since I have to admit that there was a while there that he looked a little odd-kinda like a little old man only skinnier-he was still the most beautiful baby in the world to me though!

Toriisen

 When my DS was about 2 weeks old ( he was born at 24 weeks ) my SIL told me that I should "happy" I wasn't pregnancy anymore because having a baby in the NICU was "just like being pregnant but without all the crappy stuff"

kelkel09

my MIL said "they look like really babies now, they looked terrible when they were born!"

JeepersWife

I got a good one yesterday...Brought DS to his cousin's baseball game and an older man was standing behind DS and I who were on the bleechers:

 Guy: "How old is he? Two months?"

Me: "No, he is ten months" (as I put another puff in DSs mouth and hand him his sippy cup!)

Guy: "Ten months!? What is he, a midget?!"

Me: "Something like that..."

I just didnt know what to say!  My grandmother-in-law was SO angry!  She almost went off on the man!  (I will add that I hate the word 'midget' and would have been more receptive if he said 'little person'!)

gysberger04

I have a few....

 "Just be glad you didn't have to deal with labor and the pain and uncomfortableness of the last month of pregnancy, because that sucked!" - yes, because I didnn't go through any pain driving to and from the NICU every day, pumping and trying to work but only thinking about my DD.

 "My son't birth was so traumatic because I was in labor for X hours and I had to do an epidural when I didn't want one" - this one came from my sister who had a full-term baby shortly after DD was born.  While I get that each person't definition of 'traumatic' is different, I would have given ANYTHING to go through a painful labor and had to get an epidural instead of being forced into a c-section because I had Pre-e. 

"Just be happy your DD is healthy and home from the hospital and get over the whole preemie thing" - again from one of my family members and was said to me within weeks of taking DD home from the hospital, still before her due date.  I wish I could just 'get over it'.  Truth is, it still stings when I hear about other full-term pregnancies almost 8 months later, wishing so bad that my next pregnancy goes full-term so I can understand the complaints/pain/struggles people who go full term deal with and feel like a part of the club. 

JuliaJAG

Oh wow, I can't believe some of the comments you all have had to endure! That's awful! I guess we've been fortunate that we haven't had too many rude comments at this point. When we first took him out, I heard some people cooing, "Ohhhh, look how teeny-tiny!" My hackles went up and I looked at them, but they were smiling at him, then they smiled and nodded at me and one of them said, "What a beautiful baby!"

I realized they probably would make the "teeny-tiny" about a regular full-term newborn (which at that point he looked like one) and they meant it in a good way, so I've tried hard not to let comments bother me. But, like I said, I haven't gotten some of the rude comments you all have, and if my baby being called "teeny-tiny" is the worst we've dealt with, I guess we have it good!