New - Babies on the Brain

kelmal

Hey all. I'm new to The Bump but I lived on The Knot from April 2010 through September 2011!!

I have babies on the brain. In July I'll have been with my Jonathan for 7 years, lived with him for 4, and been married to him for 10 months. Aw, blissful happiness.

Except, I want a baby in the worst way. He keeps telling me we can't afford it and no matter how many people advise him that "nobody ever opens their check book and thinks, yup...we can afford one" he's still blaming $$ for not trying to get pregnant. We have good jobs, a big house with a great yard in a safe neighborhood, 2 cats, a puppy, and an amazing support system. So what is the deal? He says he wants kids, he's AMAZING with my two nephews and our multitude of little cousins. His clock is definitely not ticking.

Mine is. TICK TICK TICK. I am so beyond ready. Sometimes, I find myself glumly watching adorable pregnant woman and I have to fight off jealousy. I have names picked out, I know which school sin our area are good. Ugh, 30 is fast approaching and I always visualized I'd have my kiddo by then.

KornKittenBride

Hi there,

   Welcome to the bump. I'm kind of a newbie as well, so I'm just going to jump right into this.

I think that you really need to sit down and have an honest and open discussion with your husband. I think it's not really just about the money, but that he just isn't ready to give up his life/ his life with you yet.You need to find out what he needs to feel more comfortable with ttc without pressuring him.  (Maybe he has other goals/ a promotion/ savings/ retirement/ you and him time/ traveling/ on his mind)

  My husband and I talked about things that might make us feel more confident about becoming parents. He said that he wanted to live a little more. Do some things that we won't be able to do once a kid comes. (A " baby bucket list" of sorts.) We also wanted to pay down some more debt, save some more money and have a well stocked emergency fund. All of these things gave us goals to work for as well.

 I think we had the right idea and it's allowed me to take a step back and enjoy this calm and peaceful time. The baby blues are still there from time to time but then I remember I can sleep in and do whatever I want. And those blues are gone.

MrsTownsend8136

SAME HERE! Big new house, big yard, good neighborhood our inlaws even live across the street for anytime babysitting, 3 dogs 4 puppies(going to good homes), good jobs.....still not budging. He says money also, but we are very financially stable. I get so incredibly jealous of my family members pregnancies. I have names picked out too! My mother even buys me gender neutral baby things. I finally got so frustrated I asked me why he doesnt want to have kids right now, when I want them SOO BADLY?? He said because he feels like he wants more me and him time....:) and that he wanted more time with just me! It was so sweet and held me off for like a week.:( I feel like Im just a constant annoyance to him because everything is baby this baby that. He says he doesnt mind and that he likes taking about babies, but that he doesnt want any right now....

kelmal

Thanks ladies.

I know I am only 29 (for about 5 more months!) but sometimes I feel like by the time he is ready, I won't be able to have kids. I have medical issues stacked against me so getting pregnant in the first place is going to be a challenge. 

I have gotten so desperate that sometime I have considered removing my IUD and not telling him...NO, I will not deceive him that way but it's sorely tempting.

Right now I am in the middle of starting up my own company so I know NOW is not the ideal time...but, he won't even talk about when would be ideal. My friends all have kids now and I don't want to be the new mommy with an infant while they have 6 and 7 year olds running around.

UGH...I see cute baby things and I just want to squirrel them away for "someday' you know?

lyndsay1022

I was in the same position for the past couple of months. My DH and I just got married 7 months ago and we have been together for 7 years, lived together for 6 and the biggest issue was his concern about money. But we recently sat down and talked about how we will probably will never have the money we want to have a child and that shouldn't stop us from trying. Just like the previous poster said, you should really sit down and have a serious conversation about it. See where his priorities are and if this is the right time for BOTH of you. GL

khowell16

I am not in the same boat as you because DH is onboard and we are TTC already, but I guess I am the one in your DH's position as far as financials go.  I JUST started a new job 6 weeks ago after being unemployed for 8 months and while I make a good deal of money now and so does my DH I have qualms.  I have wanted a baby since forever, but I worry that if I get pregnant SO soon after getting this job it won't bode well for me in this position - which I LOVE.  However, the other aspect to this is that we will be moving from VA to TX in November 2013 and we really want to have a baby before we move so my parents and grandmother who live in VA can enjoy our baby some before we move.  I am TOTALLY all about getting pregnant, bought prenatal vitamins today and we've been going at it like bunnies, but I do have worry.  My plan is to have a baby and then be a stay at home mom for at least a year (that way when we move to TX I can apply for jobs while I am at home with future DD or DS).  Does this sound stupid?  The company I work for is TOTALLY all about babies - it's a small family owned company and everyone except for me has young children and everyone has asked me when we were going to start trying, but I don't know.  I'm so torn about the whole thing (I had 2 miscarriages in college - albeit I had NO business being pregnant- condoms broke) so when/if I do get pregnant I will do everything in my power to carry to full term safely and healthily.  I'm 25 and everyone says I'm young, but my OB said the best time to get pregnant is before 27 because that is when the eggs start deteriorating.  I know this is probably worrying TOO much, but it's hard not to.  I am so looking forward to being pregnant and giving birth and being a mom - I feel as though I can't wait, but no in my heart that I COULD, but just don't want to.  Sorry if that sounds like babbling I can't really map out my thoughts any better than that right now.

Robi1

I want a baby in the worst way too.... My clock has been ticking for 2-3 years at least, and has only gotten worse since we've been married (11 months now). We're not as secure as you seem to be (we still rent an apartment, my husband wants to go back to school), but at this point we're sick of waiting until everything is all perfect - it never will be! Money is certainly an issue, but my husband is mostly worried about having a baby while simultaneously going to grad school. I know that would/will not be easy, but waiting for 3-4 years while he gets a degree is a much worse option in my opinion! It's so hard to find the right time. 

anastasiaz

Amazing...I truly thought that I was the only one on any of these boards that had babies on the brain this bad!  I'm so glad to see that there are more of 'me' out there!!  I've had BOTB for a lonnnng time now, but like others have said, it's only gotten worse since we've gotten married (May of this year).  We are both on the same page about when we want children (thankfully) and have decided to put it into God's hands beginning in January (2013).  We will have been together 6 years, married for 7 months, but are both fully aware that it can take up to a year or more to conceive.  Most of my friends and the people around me are having babies, and if you're a woman of true maternal emotion, the wait is brutal.  Like others have said, I think you should have a heart-to-heart with your guy and tell him how you really feel and how it's affecting you.  Good luck!!

LitlePrety

I am in the exact same boat as you!  I'm so glad I'm not the only one.  My husband always says the same thing "he wants to save up more money."  We spent a significant amount of savings in paying for our wedding and buying our house.  He wants to build that back up before we even think about TTC.  I understand his point of view but I also agree with everyone else "you can never afford to have a baby" and "you will make it work"  He's just not used to NOT having a hefty savings account.  So I suppose that's what we are working towards.