Husband and AP

ChristyML

I have been talking with my husband about how I really think AP is the best kind of parenting and how I'm planning on doing it. I told him basically what it is, and he acts like it's spoiling the baby. I don't believe you can spoil a baby. Are there any books or sites or anything for newbies to AP and for helping me convince my husband that this is the best way to parent our child (and children when we have more)?

Thanks! 

celiabwatson

I agree, don't talk about the overall philosophy, but talk about each component and fight the battles that are important to you. My husband is a pretty laid back parent and doesn't really want to do anything by the book, just do what works. He thought the AP book was stupid (but didn't even read it). However, we do a lot of AP things because they work best for our family.

Breastfeeding - Is cheaper, so my husband said that if I wanted to he was all in favor (we're currently tandem nursing).

Babywearing - He doesn't like the term but he does love our carriers (can't get the hang of the ring sling, but proudly wore our babies in the Moby or Ergo. He also loves not having to bring a stroller everywhere.

Bedsharing - He was initially nervous but he did like that I was more rested. We didn't share for long though. Our first was out of our bed by 12 months and our little one didn't like it at all so we didn't share with her for more than a month or so.

I feel like the rest of it (responding to baby's needs, answering when they cry, treating them like humans etc) all fits into the category of respect and luckily that was not a battle I had to fight.

My husband does mention sleep training every few months because we have a 2 year old who doesn't STTN but I tell him no and he understands that he doesn't get a say because he's not getting up with the kid. Although I've made it clear that if a situation arose where he was home alone with the kids CIO is not allowed. He agrees but it did take some debate. 

GHBEA

I never knew what AP parenting was when I had my older DDs early 1990's.  Then when I had my last DD I planned on raising her the same.

I stumbled  across this board and was happy to see 20 years ago I was APing and never knew there was a term for it.

I say go with what works and your DH might just go with the flow for the sake of a happy baby.  He may not even know he is APing.

3003girl

We started out with small steps and I didn't even really know what AP was at the beginning anyway. 

I was a big believer in the 4th trimester though, and would repeat to him that she was getting used to being in the outside world and we needed to help her, not leave her alone. Plus, she was so tiny and cute that he just melted anyway. We both ended up being very AP - but it was also because we had a high needs baby that would scream if she wasn't held, rocked or walked. 

I agree with not using labels too - I still don't think DH really knows what AP is, but we agree on most parenting decisions so far.  

znianiswan

Just don't label it as such. DH claims to be anti-AP but at the end of the day, we parent in a very AP manner. 

 

 

 

Rachel Sonnier

MandJS:

Just don't label it as such. DH claims to be anti-AP but at the end of the day, we parent in a very AP manner. 

This exactly! My husband is the same way. I just avoid putting a name to it and I just try explain why I think we should do it, and how it benefits everyone. Three years in, and he often surprises me by seeing needs in LO that I miss, when I am busy, stressed, etc. Its just the way we parent. 

When he sees it working, he will join in. Plus, the more you do it, it will just become what you guys do. I know a lot of dads balk at BW but my DH was very quick to realize that its hard to get anything done with a fussy baby, and our LO was extremely high needs for a while. So in his mind, if a moby wrap = clean laundry and groceries, he was fine with it!

After that he realized that our cloth diapers (that he put up such a fuss about) meant we weren't running out to spend $20 on a case of diapers every few days, and he was sold! He responded much better to the practical side of it, as opposed to all of the research I was trying to convince him with.

 

 

MillerMadness

Don't label what you're doing, you're being a parent and you're bringing up your child how you feel is best. 

Oh and I am so anti-parenting books. If you read them you will feel like a failure when one persons experience is different than your. I suggest finding a group of other mothers that share your ideas and using them for advice as you need it. My group happens to be online and they have helped me survive this first year. Believe it or not but you don't need a book to tell you how to raise your baby, mother nature will kick in for that.