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How to help a friend...

achickylalaachickylala
in Late Term and Child Loss

A friend from grade school lost her son last night... she was 26wks along and they still are unsure of why it happened. 

We are all so devastated for her and her b/f.  

Just looking to know what things helped you make it through?

I know this will be a LONG and hard road for her and I cannot imagine what she must be feeling, but I need her to know we are here for her. I already did link her to the board and asked her to reach out to you when she is ready to talk.

Thanks ladies and bless all of you and your sweet angels in heaven.  

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Re: How to help a friend...

  • Petunia844Petunia844 member
    Please read our "how to help" link at the top of the home page for this board.
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    Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!

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  • CaroleeCarolee member

    imagePetunia844:
    Please read our "how to help" link at the top of the home page for this board.

    I hope you're able to find some helpful tips in our FAQ.  I'm glad you told your friend about this board.  I hope she'll reach out to us when she's ready - this is a great group.

    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • dbowitzdbowitz member

    The best thing anyone could have said to me after my m/c is "that sucks and I'm sorry". I really didn't want to hear anything about how it was for the best, or it was just a ball of cells and not a baby or I'm young and I can have another.

    Just tell your friend how awful it must be for her, you're sorry that she has to go through this and you're happy to listen if she needs someone to talk to (because she could very well "wear out" her husband with all the talking that she might want to do) and what else can you do to help. After that, just take cues from her as to what she wants. Do keep talking to her about other stuff - all I wanted after my m/c was for people to treat me the same and keep me busy so I didn't have so much time to stew over it. I purposely didn't tell acquantences about my m/c because I didn't want people walking on eggshells around me.

    Also, don't expect her to be over it in a short period of time, it might be months before she takes you up on an offer to talk about it - it takes time to process a m/c. Being pregnant and expecting a baby in Oct. became such a huge part of my identity in only a few weeks, so it took me a while for the shift from "Octomom" to m/c survivor.

    You are an amazing friend to be worried about your friend.

    Married 2/15/09, BFP #1 02/03/12 - EDD 10/13/12, Missed M/C 03/15/12@9w5d (measuring 8w3d) They weren't kidding when they said "Beware the Ides of March" Image and video hosting by TinyPic BFP#2 06/13/12 - Emily Samantha born on Feb 9, 2013!
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