What is mediation like??

princesa2423

Hola,

 So I'm scheduled for mediation with STBXH later on this month, and want to know what to expect. How do you deal with it knowing that you will NOT agree? STBXH has had a lot of mental health issues, some domestic violence, and suicide attempts and I want supervised visitation only, but he will NEVER agree to it. I just want to protect DD. I spoke to a lawyer (who is also a judge) who says I have a good case for supervised visits, so I'm hoping all will go well with court next month (sigh). Any and all advice is helpful, like what do I bring?? Can't wait til all of this is over . . . 

supermansmommy

Do you have documentation of his mental health issues and DV? If so, bring that with you. I've heard sometimes mediation is done in separate rooms with the mediator basically running between the rooms. Just know what you want going into it and if you know there are areas where the other party will object, then have proof to back up your reasoning for wanting it that way. Also, be sure to add give aways to your list of wants. So that way you have room to negotiate without  giving away everything you want. For example, say you want no visitation or visitation supervised by the state in a neutral place,  but know that you're willing to go for supervised visitation at your mother's house for example. Something like that. If it's as serious as you say it is, then it's not so much an issue of whether he'll "go for it" or not, if there's proof of his mental instability and violent tendencies then the judge will likely be very cautious in granting carte blance visitation.

supermansmommy

supermansmommy:

Do you have documentation of his mental health issues and DV? If so, bring that with you. I've heard sometimes mediation is done in separate rooms with the mediator basically running between the rooms. Just know what you want going into it and if you know there are areas where the other party will object, then have proof to back up your reasoning for wanting it that way. Also, be sure to add give aways to your list of wants. So that way you have room to negotiate without  giving away everything you want. For example, say you want no visitation or visitation supervised by the state in a neutral place,  but know that you're willing to go for supervised visitation at your mother's house for example. Something like that. If it's as serious as you say it is, then it's not so much an issue of whether he'll "go for it" or not, if there's proof of his mental instability and violent tendencies then the judge will likely be very cautious in granting carte blance visitation.

 

Another area to consider is splitting the marital assets. If you know there are things he wants in the house, add them to your list so you can say "I would like the mattress, however you can have the LCD TV" or if you agree to $100 more in CS a month, I wont ask for 50% of your 401K. Think about things long term, getting debt paid off in a settlement will benefit you more long term than getting the kitchenaid.