Single Parents

So, It Could Have Worse

SD came over Tuesday night, bringing his mother. While I didn't mind, I'd have preferred to know he was bringing an additional party. They stayed for about an hour when I subtly kicked them out. They talked about how much like SD he looks...he doesn't...pointed out the dimple and tongue tie...which DD has, too. My mom was more gracious and agred. I said, "He looks like DD without the cheeks and hair." my mom glared at me, lol. Truthfully, he looks a lot like my late nephew, TJ, who died in Aug 2009 @3.5mos. My sister hasnt caught on yet, thank goodness. 

They brought with them a bunch of 0-3 mos winter wear clothes, which I can't use, since its 100 degrees out. And, a vibrating Boppy to help him sleep. Yeah, no. Boppy+sleeping=SIDS no no. We are a BIG SIDS paranoia family for good reason. She gave me the receipt, so I'm planning on replacing everything this weekend.

The visit itself was hard. Once they got LO, they wouldn't let him go, even when he started crying to be fed. I don't think SD's mom BF, or she would have recognized the rooting, and known he HAS to go to mom, as I'm sitting there with full, achy breasts that just let down in response to his crying. I kept making statements that he was hungry hoping they'd turn him over.  Instead, she told SD to make this sound, to rock him, to bounce him, an said, "see he just needed to cry" when he eventually fell asleep...HUNGRY.  I'm against CIO for my parenting technique. But, regardless, a NEWBORN, doesn't need to CIO. It's pretty much Feed Me. Change Me. Love Me.  He woke a few minutes later screaming with a traumatized vengeance. My Dad stepped in and said, "Awww, lil Henry, need your mama?" SD's mom reluctantly handed him over and he immediately stopped crying. They both seemed shocked he knew who I was. Really? At that point, I said it was dinner then bed time and they left.

As soon as they left, I fell completely apart. I was only 7 days postpartum, and that would have been a lot for anyone. My mom reassured me what I felt was normal, and that my family, as well as DD's Dad's wouldn't let DS be taken away. He's always said he'd talk to any judge, lawyer, or social worker about what a great mom I am. He drives me crazy, but I love him (in a post dating we'd kill each other together but will always love him sort of way, of course!)

The next morning, SD asked to see LO 2x a week. I said my goal was to work up to 3x a week for an hour at a time (SPO for under 3 recommendations), but I just can't right now. We need to work slowly. I also said in all future visits, if Henry is crying, he hands him over immediately, or there would be no visits until he understood a newborn needs their mom. No one can calm a newborn like mom. He hasn't responded.   

Re: So, It Could Have Worse

  • ((hugs)) sweetie. You're doing a great job managing all of this with a newborn. You're right, baby needs mom, especially if you're Bfing.
  • You kind of lost me with your abbreviations?  What does SD stand for?  I always thought it meant stepdaughter? 

    Anyhow, I know what it is like to have visitors trying to take over the baby.  Just put your foot down.  I know there were times that my FIL's would be over and holding the baby and I would be so anxious because I knew I needed to BF but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Don't let that happen to you.  Just say you need to feed the baby NOW and go get the baby from them.  Go into another room if you need to.

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  • Let's say it stands for Son's Dad instead of the less nice term that comes to mind for most of us single moms. My kids had different dads. I refer to DDs dad as my Ex, and DSs dad as SD or JF. Neither are very nice.

    @Tif...She's always been nice to me, but she's from a walk of life where the woman is second to the man. I come from a mindset of, I live my life, you live yours and let's see if we can make them mesh.

    She comes from a very different culture, and a very old school version of it. I see a little bit of that mindset in my parents who are convinced I'm doing it all wrong. I told them they raise us they way they wanted to, now let me raise mine the way I want to.

    In her defense, I have NO idea what he's told her. All I did was break up with him. Everything else that happened, he manifested it all on his own. He may have her convinced I've agreed to joint custody or that he's going to get full.  Or, he may not have told her any of it. 

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