Getting married soon.

amberkayc

Thank you so much everyone for your prayers and thoughts during this difficult time.  I just started to get out of bed today, and back on the computer. I am going to do my best to start getting on these chats, and help you guys out as much as you've helped me. I had my d&e on Tuesday. I was supposed to go back to work on Wednesday, yet here I am, on Thursday, and I'm not going anywhere.

In my last posts, I didn't actually mention that I'm not married yet. Dave and I have been planning this wedding for 3 years. It's completely costs us every penny of our savings, consumed most of my time, in which I'm not at school or work, and it was supposed to be absolutely perfect. 

Here's my question, how am I supposed to be happy on my day, when it's 14 days away? I'm burying my daughter,  10 days before my wedding. We've spent so much money, we have so much family coming, everything is in place. Changing the day wouldn't be possible, most of my family lives out of state, for them to get off of work at another time, wouldn't be possible, we've all been waiting for this day for 3 years.

Of course I want to get married to Dave, he's been such a rock through all of this. But I don't want to go to my own wedding now, I want to lay in my bed and cry. I sound like I'm having a such pitty party, I'm sorry, I just don't really want to do anything else but cry. I miss my baby. 

What would you guys do? I feel so guilty even thinking I could smile on that day, much less laugh and have fun. I don't feel like I should be celebrating anything, 10 days after I bury my daughter. 

Also, how do I deal with other people being sad at my wedding? I don't want people coming up to me and crying, or saying how sorry they are, I highly doubt I'll be able to keep it together that day on my own, much less have people saying "sorry" every minute. Any advice?

lhakers

I'm sorry you are in this situation.  Your daughter would want to see you happy.  She would want to see her Mommy and Daddy happy together.  You may feel guilty, which is normal, but try to enjoy it for HER.  People will probably express how sorry they are.  Maybe at the reception you could take a moment of silence for your daughter ... express that you know everyone is upset and you appreciate their love and support through this diffult time... but you want this time to be a celebration for her mommy and daddy, because you know that is what your daughter would have wanted... celebrate the joy she did bring to your life while you were pregnant.  Unfortunately for us, there is not a lot we can do for our children since they are not with us.  I try to remind myself though that she would want me happy...she would want me to enjoy life.  I read a passage at her funeral and everyone asked me, "How could you do that?  I would not be able to get through it..."  My response was..."The same way a mother does anything they have to for their child.  You just do it."  That was one of the only things I could do for her... she deserved for her mommy to be strong for her.  Your daughter deserves for you to be happy too.  

I like to think they are looking down on us hoping we make the most of the life they are not able to expierence on this earth...Sofia gives me strength.

mollywobbles13

lhakers:

I'm sorry you are in this situation.  Your daughter would want to see you happy.  She would want to see her Mommy and Daddy happy together.  You may feel guilty, which is normal, but try to enjoy it for HER.  People will probably express how sorry they are.  Maybe at the reception you could take a moment of silence for your daughter ... express that you know everyone is upset and you appreciate their love and support through this diffult time... but you want this time to be a celebration for her mommy and daddy, because you know that is what your daughter would have wanted... celebrate the joy she did bring to your life while you were pregnant.  Unfortunately for us, there is not a lot we can do for our children since they are not with us.  I try to remind myself though that she would want me happy...she would want me to enjoy life.  I read a passage at her funeral and everyone asked me, "How could you do that?  I would not be able to get through it..."  My response was..."The same way a mother does anything they have to for their child.  You just do it."  That was one of the only things I could do for her... she deserved for her mommy to be strong for her.  Your daughter deserves for you to be happy too.  

I like to think they are looking down on us hoping we make the most of the life they are not able to expierence on this earth...Sofia gives me strength.

 

This is beautifully worded! I agree 100%. She would want you and her Daddy to be happy. I know it's easier said than done, but just try to enjoy your day. Try to include her in the ceremony/reception. That may help.

Carolee

I don't have any words of wisdom - just (((HUGS))).

tubbsy32

That is a lot for you, but it will be a special day, just different than you imagined. It sounds like you might see a lot of people at her funeral, so when you see them soon after at your wedding it could be a happier tone. I'll be thinking of you. ((HUGS))