Is it better?

ShelbehhRawrr

BD and I just recently started being civil towards eachother, He came over yesterday and I showed him all LO's stuff and showed him LO's 4D sonogram.

 

(granted this is NOT the druggie I previously posted about) 

 

My SIL doesn't understand where my mindset is, but I think its better we act civil and he want to be included than to have us argue and fight and  go through a nasty custody battle..

 

Am I being dumb? Or is it better to be civil and on good terms than to act like enemies?  

mdotm0904

civil is always best. people won't always understand your relationship with BD (parenting, not necessarily romantic). I will however say this though, be civil. but not naieve (sp). A lot of guys are sweet talkers and will play on the fact that you're a)hormonal b)emotionally connected to your kid in a way that they aren't. so they will use that against you to try to weasel out of financial obligations or to take advantage of your kindness to get what they want. it will probably be a lot less messy if you guys can work out a parenting agreement before LO gets here (or in the very early stages) because even though you guys are civil now, there's no guarantee that it'll always be like that. and court orders protect everyone! so if the two of you can come to an agreement, you can have it turned into an order without going through a nasty custody fight. (just food for thought). but ultimately, you two are your LO's parents. outside people don't have to understand what you're doing or why you're doing it for the sake of YOUR kid.

FyreFlyeRush

mdotm0904:

civil is always best. people won't always understand your relationship with BD (parenting, not necessarily romantic). I will however say this though, be civil. but not naieve (sp). A lot of guys are sweet talkers and will play on the fact that you're a)hormonal b)emotionally connected to your kid in a way that they aren't. so they will use that against you to try to weasel out of financial obligations or to take advantage of your kindness to get what they want. it will probably be a lot less messy if you guys can work out a parenting agreement before LO gets here (or in the very early stages) because even though you guys are civil now, there's no guarantee that it'll always be like that. and court orders protect everyone! so if the two of you can come to an agreement, you can have it turned into an order without going through a nasty custody fight. (just food for thought). but ultimately, you two are your LO's parents. outside people don't have to understand what you're doing or why you're doing it for the sake of YOUR kid.

Well said! 

supermansmommy

Civil and involved in the baby's life is fabulous. But you still need a formal custody agreement in place and he still needs to financially support his child (and this is best done through formal means as well).

jnjmommy0609

It is better to be civil. But you have to be smart too. You still need to come up with a legal parenting plan of some sort. You never know what will happen in the future. 

ShelbehhRawrr

tifanico:

What do you mean he is NOT that druggie? Are we talking about two different guys here or you are saying that he cleaned up and is sober now?

Oh and I think its sooo much easier to be civil AFTER having a parenting agreement filed and approved by the court than when you don't have one. 

 

 

The drugie was a boyfriend. After BD.