Doula debate

J <3 D

I keep going back and forth about a doula. The main reasons against it are cost and having a somewhat stranger in on this intimate moment. Looking for your doula stories please! Could you have gone naturally without one? Did having one really help? What were the pros and cons for you? Thanks for sharing

robertandmegangriffin

*I'm mostly a lurker on this board-sorry!*

I am a FTM, but have hired a doula. Just wanted to say that there are many that will work for little to nothing (if cost is a factor). Especially if they are still working towards certification, etc-some will work with you on the cost.

Temp76535187505890

My first birth I wanted to be med-free but was not at all prepared for the experience (I thought I sort of was but in retrospect I definitely was not) so I ended up with an epidural.  I was adamant I have a med-free birth the second time but I didn't feel my husband was up to talking me out of an epidural when the going got tough.  Not his fault at all, I know all he wanted the first time was to alleviate the pain any way he could. 

For the second birth I insisted on a doula despite my husband's reservations.  He didn't understand why but agreed because it's what I wanted.  He sings a completely different tune now having talked to a few doulas and seen the one we hired in action. 

In addition to hiring a doula, we attended a fantastic birth education class that I feel really prepared both of us.  Even though we had gone through labor before the class was really insightful and informative.  The class is really what I credit for allowing me to get through the med-free birth but I do not for a minute regret hiring a doula and having her there.  I always say that I would rather have one and not need her than need her and not have had her there. 

If I were to have a third child I would certainly hire a doula again.  

pepomntpat

Get a doula. You will get to know her at least as well as your MW/OB before the birth. She is there just for you. She will be there for most of your labor and all of your active labor. She can remind you of your wishes and make sure your DH doesn't forget to eat. Also, my FSA reimbursed our doula services and some insurances pay for them. So, ask!

Blackrose1918

I'm a FTM as well, and just hired a doula last week, And by hired I mean that she's willing to work pro-bono because I couldn't afford the $500 price tag that's the norm here in OH. I love her. This is both my and DHs first birth experience, so it will be incredibly helpful to have someone there who's had a NB 3x herself as well as been a doula for years. She and DH will be with me the whole time, from before we go to the hospital until after DS is born. I find it to be very comforting to know that we have her experience there to help us. Just my two cents.

MrsPez07

If you want a natural birth in a hospital setting, hands-down I recommend a doula.

With my first, we hired one, and I started labor at about 9:30 at night, full force, no mild contractions to start, etc. By about 2:30, both DH and I were forgetting what we had learned, I was having a hard time coping, etc. We called our Doula, and she helped me through back labor, let DH sleep some, and kept me laboring at home until about 10:30 the next morning. In the hospital, she was a great advocate, she and DH were a great team on keeping me comfortable, letting DH slip out to get some air and food or to just take a few of the contractions instead of him being my only support person. She also went and got the nurse after they forgot to come back to break my water after I requested it.

My son was born at about 6:30 that night, so 21 hours of labor with over 15 of that with her. She also took some pictures when DH was too caught up in the moment, etc. DH is as big of a proponent of doulas as I am, as she was as helpful to him as she was to me.

I am not having her join us again, because I feel better prepared and we are birthing at a free-standing birth center with a midwife, so I don't feel it to be as necessary (hopefully I am right).

 

StefandTodd

We hired a doula b/c it increases your chances, statistically (and we're both engineers ), of achieving a med-free birth.  It was super important to both of us, so we were willing to pay the money and sacrifice the "intimacy"* for the best "chances."

And really, in a hospital setting, you've got an ob/mw you don't necessarily know, nurses you've just met, etc.  So, having someone there who you've actually met and gotten to know who has your interest at heart and your goals in mind only adds to the intimacy, IMHO.

haleymay18

I would never give birth without my doula. She was worth her weight in gold.

 

peanut701

StefandTodd:

We hired a doula b/c it increases your chances, statistically (and we're both engineers ), of achieving a med-free birth.  It was super important to both of us, so we were willing to pay the money and sacrifice the "intimacy"* for the best "chances."

And really, in a hospital setting, you've got an ob/mw you don't necessarily know, nurses you've just met, etc.  So, having someone there who you've actually met and gotten to know who has your interest at heart and your goals in mind only adds to the intimacy, IMHO.

I deeply regret not having had a doula. I just posted about this on my BMB (Nov '11). Having someone there who has your interests at heart and acts as an advocate for you is crucial. I recognize now that DH did not take the place of a doula. He was great for moral support, but when the OB was shoving interventions down my throat and trying to push me into a c-section that (as i later found out) was not medically indicated, DH and I were clueless. (My OB and I were on he same page, but I ended up with her a-hole partner for the delivery).  

Twizzle

I totally regret not having a doula for my first birth.  I thought that since I was planning to birth at a free-standing birth center that I did not need one. However, the midwife thought it best if I transfer to the hospital, and she stayed with me for a couple hours but then her shift ended and DH and I were on our own.  I always wonder if I had had a doula, maybe I wouldn't have ended up with a c/s.  

This time I am going to a hospital birth center with midwives, but I have hired a doula also.  I am really looking forward to having someone there just for me, who is more knowledgeable about birth than DH.