Lurking

Foxlover

Hey Everyone,
I've been lurking on this board for a while, so I decided I might as well officially introduce myself.

My history is in my siggy.
Basically due to stage 4 endo, and some other issues I will be going in for Lap surgery next week. My doctor told me there is a small chance that I will conceive with meds after the surgery, but it is very slim.
He suggested we start thinking about either IVF, or adoption.

My husband and I have decided to continue to try with minimal meds until the end of the year, and then we will be moving on to adoption.

We are planning on moving and buying a house this fall, so that also is forcing us to wait on starting the adoption process.

I do have a question for you. I know that it is mainly a personal choice, but I was wondering how the majority of you felt about a situation.

Several married friends of mine have told us that they would be more than willing to have a child for us. (They would conceive themselves and then we would adopt) Now I know that they are probably just being nice, and that some might back out if it became a reality, but there are two couples in particular that I have full confidence would actually be willing to do this for us.

Do you think an arrangement like this is a good idea? Or am I just over looking a blaring problem because I want a baby? What would you do?

Thank you in advance for any advice you can give me.

Foxlover

fredalina:

Honestly I think it sounds like a really bad idea. Now if they were gestational carriers for either your and your H's eggs and sperm or donor eggs/sperm, I think it could work but would still be very strained. But a full biological child conceived specifically to be adopted by you sounds like a great way to end a great friendship. It's like all the cliche's about doing business with/buying a car from/sharing a boat with hour neighbor all rolled up with the added element of human emotions. JMO.

Yeah, That's what I am afraid of. I know I should listen to my nagging doubt/fear, but sometimes your heart just wants to pull you into something you know you should probably not do. My heart is a jerk!

elissaann26

Welcome to the board!  I also agree with PP's view on those offers.  I agree that it would be very different if they were offering to be the surrogate for your biological child.  But even that is a compex situation.  GL!

Rachel Sonnier

Unfortunately, I agree with the PPs as well. Sounds sticky at best.

But welcome!! Your situation sounds so much like what we had going on last year. Stage 4 endo, hydro right tube, (and some crazy ovary issues), lap over the summer and we did monitored cycles with meds with our RE till January. 

Good luck on your journey and I hope things work out for you guys one way or another! :-) 

silliestbunny

Welcome

How nice of your friends.... but I agree w/PPs.  It would be very murky water and I wouldn't dare go there.  If your friends want to be super supportive and helpful, there are plenty of other ways to help you through your journey. 

Foxlover

Thanks everyone! The good wishes, and great advice are just what I needed. I often go through times of weakness during this journey, and just want something to happen.
And something will happen, when it is the right time. Patience is a hard skill the master.

I look forward to getting to know everyone on this board!