for those of you with semi-open adoptions...

dishy71

hey all...

i haven't posted in a while, been mostly lurking...but DH and i were wondering about this and i thought who better to ask?

when you send your pictures and letter updates do you send pictures of just your LO or do you include ones with yourselves in them?  i recently asked a friend and she says she only includes her son for anonymity purposes, and we've been doing the same but now i wonder if that's weird.

i hope this isn't too intrusive of a question and i know it depends on your specific situation.   i was just hoping to get some opinions either way.

 TIA

 

jennifita2

I only send pictures of LO. I know BM struggled with her decision and don't want to cause feelings to surface that she has/hasn't dealt with yet. Maybe after he is a year old or so I will talk with her about it. I have wondered the same thing though. I just want to be sensitive. I know it is important to her that he is in a good home but it might be too soon to be flashing pictures of all of us. 

 

Jennifer 

jacksjerseygirl

Every situation is different. We very much love our son's biological mother and feel it is best for our son to be as open as both sides can. 

 

In our first letter through agency we provided an email address. Ever since then, past three years, we have emailed each other with updates and pictures. She gave birth and graced me with parenthood I don't feel the need to be 'anonymous' with her. Lol I have nothing to hide and there is nothing legally she can do to our family.  I don't mean to sound judgmental but that thought process just isn't my style. 

 

It is encouraged to send pictures of whole family and child interacting with family. It let's her see how loved the child is and helps her put a face with the people she entrusted to raise the child she brought into this world.

 

 

SweetieBelle04

I just did our letter, so this one is fresh for me.  I did a lot of pictures of DD alone, but there were also several of us with her.  I also put some of her with other family members and some of her "friends."  My thought process is that they should see how happy she is with us (and we are with her).  If you think this is something that might be hard for your BPs, then you might want to reconsider.  Our BPs were pretty positive about their decision, and they were excited for us to be parents.  We have not shared identifying information, and I make sure that there are no last names/addresses in photos.  I also cleared it with everyone else who is in the photos to make sure they were on board.

MBrode

Our birth family specifically asked for pictures of us and our extended family with DD.  They wanted to see her whole life, not just her.

We also don't want to be anonymous with our birth family.  We have a good relationship and want to keep things as open as possible.  

You are being very sensitive and thoughtful but I'd take your cue from your birth family and honor their preference.

Patches08

I have a very open adoption with my DD.. Early on (I no longer receive photos/letters in the mail because we visit every few months) the photos were a mix.. some of just her, some of her w/ her sibling, some with mom & dad and extended family. Seeing pictures of her w/ her family never upset me, I want to see her happy. That's all that matters. If you're still unsure you could always ask BM. I'm sure she would appreciate your thoughtfulness.

silliestbunny

Initially we were more selective of the pics we sent but now we are very open.  Life became more hectic and I guess I became more secure in who we are as a family... so we send them all. 

(the secure thing had to do w/adopting a second child so soon...) 

I think that birth family is pleased to see how we operate as a family, the love we share, and what kind of life DD1 is living.

jennifita2

I guess I will add that we haven't finalized yet either and that hasn't made me feel real secure in sending pictures of everyone. We also have two older bio children that have really struggled with thinking the BM will come back and take the baby. There hasn't been any sign of that but they are really apprehensive. The BM is also pregnant again and was thrilled because this will fill the void (her words). She really struggled with post partum depression afterwards and has with all of her children and this was the first and only child she has placed. I haven't even posted on here other than when we went to hospital when the BM was in labor because it was so emotional afterwards and we are just waiting out those last few weeks til we finalize. And we have a REALLY open adoption, the social worker said that normally things are not so emotional but we are a rare case for her. So she has definitely seen us all together many times just not in picture format. Lol. 

 I don't want to hijack the thread but has anyone had a BM post any of the pictures you send in FB? 

  

Dr.Loretta

We send pictures with us as well. I don't think having us in the picture would ruin any anonymity. We see DD's BM twice a year, and we met her when we were placed, so she knows what we look like.

I've seen "arguments" that showing them with their APs shows that they're interacting with their parents, etc.

sw_in_kc

We send mostly of just DD, but we've included a few along the way with one or both of us in them. I don't think we've included any of extended family.

When we had our first visit with BM, I took the photo album of DD's first year, so they got to see all the pictures we've developed.

c&dwaiting4ourmiracle

jacksjerseygirl:

Every situation is different. We very much love our son's biological mother and feel it is best for our son to be as open as both sides can. 

 

In our first letter through agency we provided an email address. Ever since then, past three years, we have emailed each other with updates and pictures. She gave birth and graced me with parenthood I don't feel the need to be 'anonymous' with her. Lol I have nothing to hide and there is nothing legally she can do to our family.  I don't mean to sound judgmental but that thought process just isn't my style. 

 

It is encouraged to send pictures of whole family and child interacting with family. It let's her see how loved the child is and helps her put a face with the people she entrusted to raise the child she brought into this world.

 

I feel the same way.  We are currently matched with a wonderful mother and although she is requesting a semi-open adoption, we hope that she will someday change her mind and be open to visits.  She has our personal e-mails and knows our last names.  We have so much respect for her and we too feel that we need to be honest and open.