Self-Help / Parenting Book recs?

shaindelr

Does anyone have any Self-Help / Parenting book recommendations? I feel like I did all of this therapy to not be an abusive, angry parent, but toddlerhood is *sigh* I don't even know what it is. Frustrating, trying, all of that stuff.

I worked on all of these coping strategies while I was pregnant, and I still know what I'm supposed to do, but it's been really hard lately. Reading how happy everyone is and how people are TTC again made me realize how far on the other end of the spectrum I am.

I'm going to a writers' retreat from the 16th to the 23rd, so I think that will help. Am I the only one having this trouble?

TIA.

siajara

I don't have any book recs, though my therapist gave me a book as a present called Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children (which of course I haven't read).  I mostly wanted to let you know that you are not alone! A break will definitely help.  Hang in there!!! 

nettie27

Shaindel, please know you are not alone.  It is very hard to transition from an independent person to an necessity for another life.  The constant need of your attention mixed with the desire of LO doing anything possible not to obey your words is more than frustrating.  You're not alone.  I have my struggles every single day! But i try to remind myself that they are only 1 and 2 years old.  One is bound o step in another's throw up and they're going to wake up in the middle of the night to come in your bed.  Sometimes you just have to laugh at the situation and find comfort in that they will eventually grow up and not wan to sneak in bed with you.  Use us, we're here to help. 

kpips20

I don't have any book recs but I wholeheartedly believe therapy is a lifesaver. I had an incredibly hard time after DS was born - not so much at the beginning, but rather when he was around 1. I really felt like I was losing it and started therapy for about 6 months. I can't tell you how much it helped. Having a baby is a huge adjustment, some women are lucky and fall right into it and others need a bit of help. Good luck, I know it's not easy!

shaindelr

Thanks, Everyone! I requested the general Buddhism for Mothers and the one specifically for mothers of young children through inter-library loan, so hopefully they'll get here sometime soon.

I'll look for the other books (SuperNanny, etc.) too. I think that Jared doesn't "get" that this isn't easy for me. He is the most super-Zen-like patient person in the universe, and he had step-kids before.

This time of year is always hard. Next week is finals week, so it would be a stressful time no matter what. I think it's hard for me to accept that I only parent "alone" one day a week, and that's hard for me. Part of what makes it hard is that one of my "coping strategies" that I learned is to take your child out in public or at least leave the house if you're getting stressed, and when Jared has band practice, he takes the car because it gets good gas mileage (as opposed to his pick-up), so then I'm trapped at home with no vehicle. 

If it's nice, we can walk to the children's museum or a park, but lately it's been rainy, windy, and cold for this time of year.

Anyway, thank you so much for listening... Hugs, Ladies!

biblionerd

Zoloft has made parenting easier for me. ((hugs)) We're here for you! 

shaindelr

For anyone still looking at this thread, this is how I feel sometimes. (But I only have one kiddo).

tanisjamar

I just don't understand... parental counseling and medication is the answers that were given. Spank you kids and they won't be little brats that you can't stand to be around. If you love your kids but don't like them the answer is to spank them and show them that you are not screwing around. Kids need boundaries and telling a kid "no no we don't do that" in the sweetest voice you can muster because you just can't bear to see a bottom lip stick out is not helping them, and it's not helping you. Grow a pair and spank them. They can understand the consequenses of disobeying you at 1 year old, and the later you start the harder it's going to be to gain their obedience and respect. This isn't a popular response and I'm sure 99% of you will freak out and comment that someone needs to call the police on anybody who spanks a toddler, but I'll tell you this. My kid loves us, she walks around the house calling out and looking for daddy, the same daddy that spanks her when she disobeys, she can't wait to get up in our laps, and yes we actually enjoy our kid, don't need therapy, eastern religion, or meds to deal with the existence of our child. That is my piece and my opinon...

biblionerd

tanisjamar:

I just don't understand... parental counseling and medication is the answers that were given. Spank you kids and they won't be little brats that you can't stand to be around. If you love your kids but don't like them the answer is to spank them and show them that you are not screwing around. Kids need boundaries and telling a kid "no no we don't do that" in the sweetest voice you can muster because you just can't bear to see a bottom lip stick out is not helping them, and it's not helping you. Grow a pair and spank them. They can understand the consequenses of disobeying you at 1 year old, and the later you start the harder it's going to be to gain their obedience and respect. This isn't a popular response and I'm sure 99% of you will freak out and comment that someone needs to call the police on anybody who spanks a toddler, but I'll tell you this. My kid loves us, she walks around the house calling out and looking for daddy, the same daddy that spanks her when she disobeys, she can't wait to get up in our laps, and yes we actually enjoy our kid, don't need therapy, eastern religion, or meds to deal with the existence of our child. That is my piece and my opinon...

Well bless your heart. 

shaindelr

biblionerd:

tanisjamar:

I just don't understand... parental counseling and medication is the answers that were given. Spank you kids and they won't be little brats that you can't stand to be around. If you love your kids but don't like them the answer is to spank them and show them that you are not screwing around. Kids need boundaries and telling a kid "no no we don't do that" in the sweetest voice you can muster because you just can't bear to see a bottom lip stick out is not helping them, and it's not helping you. Grow a pair and spank them. They can understand the consequenses of disobeying you at 1 year old, and the later you start the harder it's going to be to gain their obedience and respect. This isn't a popular response and I'm sure 99% of you will freak out and comment that someone needs to call the police on anybody who spanks a toddler, but I'll tell you this. My kid loves us, she walks around the house calling out and looking for daddy, the same daddy that spanks her when she disobeys, she can't wait to get up in our laps, and yes we actually enjoy our kid, don't need therapy, eastern religion, or meds to deal with the existence of our child. That is my piece and my opinon...

Well bless your heart. 

You have to forgive her. She's 100 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

biblionerd

shaindelr:

biblionerd:

tanisjamar:

I just don't understand... parental counseling and medication is the answers that were given. Spank you kids and they won't be little brats that you can't stand to be around. If you love your kids but don't like them the answer is to spank them and show them that you are not screwing around. Kids need boundaries and telling a kid "no no we don't do that" in the sweetest voice you can muster because you just can't bear to see a bottom lip stick out is not helping them, and it's not helping you. Grow a pair and spank them. They can understand the consequenses of disobeying you at 1 year old, and the later you start the harder it's going to be to gain their obedience and respect. This isn't a popular response and I'm sure 99% of you will freak out and comment that someone needs to call the police on anybody who spanks a toddler, but I'll tell you this. My kid loves us, she walks around the house calling out and looking for daddy, the same daddy that spanks her when she disobeys, she can't wait to get up in our laps, and yes we actually enjoy our kid, don't need therapy, eastern religion, or meds to deal with the existence of our child. That is my piece and my opinon...

Well bless your heart. 

You have to forgive her. She's 100 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

Yeah I'd be a b!tch if I were that pg also. 

shaindelr

biblionerd:

shaindelr:

biblionerd:

tanisjamar:

I just don't understand... parental counseling and medication is the answers that were given. Spank you kids and they won't be little brats that you can't stand to be around. If you love your kids but don't like them the answer is to spank them and show them that you are not screwing around. Kids need boundaries and telling a kid "no no we don't do that" in the sweetest voice you can muster because you just can't bear to see a bottom lip stick out is not helping them, and it's not helping you. Grow a pair and spank them. They can understand the consequenses of disobeying you at 1 year old, and the later you start the harder it's going to be to gain their obedience and respect. This isn't a popular response and I'm sure 99% of you will freak out and comment that someone needs to call the police on anybody who spanks a toddler, but I'll tell you this. My kid loves us, she walks around the house calling out and looking for daddy, the same daddy that spanks her when she disobeys, she can't wait to get up in our laps, and yes we actually enjoy our kid, don't need therapy, eastern religion, or meds to deal with the existence of our child. That is my piece and my opinon...

Well bless your heart. 

You have to forgive her. She's 100 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

Yeah I'd be a b!tch if I were that pg also. 

Kimberly92405

LOL.  Hugs to you Shaindel, and kudos for maintaining your quick wit and sense of humor even during the tough days. 

 

shaindelr

Kimberly92405:

LOL.  Hugs to you Shaindel, and kudos for maintaining your quick wit and sense of humor even during the tough days. 

Awww... Thanks! And your LO is *adorable*!

SandiaPinaMama

I don't know if you're still looking here, but just in case...

The AP board recommended to me the positive discipline books.  It dovetails quite nicely with my teaching philosophies and relies on the research of respected behavioral psychologists (ie Vygotsky).  So far, a bit dry, but I like it. 

And, having read the above responses, I have come to understand; if you wanted to be a good parent, you should have picked a better baby-daddy.  All you need for sanity is to have Jared slap your kid around.  Then he'd be the Tiny Trembler.  

In reality, I think the reason I don't feel crazy yet is that LO is not walking yet.  Not so mobile=less mommy stress.  And, I am a smidge resentful about the year and half that the next LO will take away from me again.  I think that getting KU quick before LO literally becomes a toddler may be wise lest I talk myself out of it.  

shaindelr

watermelon mom:

I don't know if you're still looking here, but just in case...

The AP board recommended to me the positive discipline books.  It dovetails quite nicely with my teaching philosophies and relies on the research of respected behavioral psychologists (ie Vygotsky).  So far, a bit dry, but I like it. 

And, having read the above responses, I have come to understand; if you wanted to be a good parent, you should have picked a better baby-daddy.  All you need for sanity is to have Jared slap your kid around.  Then he'd be the Tiny Trembler.  

In reality, I think the reason I don't feel crazy yet is that LO is not walking yet.  Not so mobile=less mommy stress.  And, I am a smidge resentful about the year and half that the next LO will take away from me again.  I think that getting KU quick before LO literally becomes a toddler may be wise lest I talk myself out of it.  

Thank you for your whole post, but especially the part that made me LOL :-)