Wondering... would this bother you?
I hope you do not mind me asking this, it was just something that seemed odd to me, so I thought I would ask the experts 
We are relatively new to our neighborhood and a few months ago we met a neighboring family while walking with our kids. The Mom was super friendly to us and even invited me to join a local mom club that she was a part of. She then pointed out all of the houses in the neighborhood and told us the names of the families who lived there and how many kids they had. She pointed to one house and said "those are the 'Smith's' and they have 2 adopted kids." I found it so wierd that she differentiated that they were "adopted", and I felt like it was not her story to tell. I have not met this family, so maybe it is totally common knowledge that they are adopted or something, but it still really rubbed my the wrong way. Anyway, would this have bothered you? It happened 2-3 months ago now and I still think about it. Maybe I am reading into it too much.
Re: Wondering... would this bother you?
Right? I guess I have been trying not to judge her based on our first interaction, but I am finding it hard to do.
I am sure people say the same thing about our family when describing us.... While it doesn't make me happy, I know that it happens because we don't look like
every other family on the block... We're the "family that adopted that cute baby girl from China".... nevermind she's Korean and from CA
I would be interested to know the family with the adopted children. Did they just return from adoptive out of the country? Did they adopt older children?? Not that any of that really matters to your neighborhood but people are quick to point out what's different. I think it's just human nature.
No.
1. She didn't tell their story. The fact she knows they were adopted is probably because either the family is open about it or because it is obviously (white parents - brown kids).
2. I run a local adoption support group - people know this. People join by word of mouth - the fact we adopted is pretty out there and obvious. Perhaps the same is true with the family.
3. I'm assuming it wasn't tone ( like a judgment tone) but get just giving you info. Some people place those adopt on a pedestal (oh you angel for saving those kids).
Move on. The fact that it still bothers you now - months later - tells me that YOU actually have unresolved feelings about adoption and how others perceive it.
When I talk about my sister and her four kids I say she has two biological and two adopted just because I'm so proud of her and her beautiful kids and the amazing family unit they have and it gives me a chance to tell people how adoption has blessed her family because people usually ask more questions. I only bring it up talking about her kids because I think it's so cool how her kids all get along and love each other so much and it doesn't matter that their family grew in a non traditional way. They are seriously the most amazing girls ever! I know she is proud of family and adoption is something they celebrate (they celebrate their birthdays and their "gotcha" (coming home) days).
Maybe it's something that the neighbor is very vocal and proud about and so other neighbors think of that when they talk about her.
Two stories for you
When I was introduced at a wedding a few weeks ago, someone said oh this is Mr. and Lil'Mufish, they are foster parents.... and then moved on. Mr. Mufish asked me if I thought that was strange that we were automatically labeled as that, but sure enough about 1/2 hour later that couple came back to us, and specifically started asking questions about our experiences and if they could use us as someone to call and ask questions to when they eventually go through the experience. So while the introduction seemed odd...there was meaning and purpose behind it even though we didn't know it at the time.
On the other hand, we have been left out of stuff because we are foster parents, because they think our toddlers and young children will be a bad influence, share bad habits or because of the color of their skin.... That irritates me. It's all about positive education, sharing with people that our children, who ever they may be for the moment are children, and cannot control the experiences they have had.
'eh, its a little strange I guess but in this world where people say many way more innapropriate things about adoption, thats not the one I'm going to pick a battle over or let bother me.
right or wrong, its just human nature to label differences.
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