A gentle way to "sleep train" a one year old?

Athena0809

I know there have been a couple other posts about sleep training recently so I apologize, I'll try not to make it too long...

This is what our situation looks like: DS is 12.5 months, he starts the night in his crib after I nurse him to sleep, Sometimes he is in a deep sleep some nights sort of drowsy. He typically sleeps anywhere between 1 to 3 hours and I nurse to sleep again, back in crib, until we are ready for bed--around midnight. Then the diner is open all night, we wakes up sometimes every hour to every two hours. But lately he is giving us a glimpse of hope that he sleep patterns might change sleeping up to 4 hours in one stretch, then the next night he wakes up after only one hour!. But some nights he fights his sleep, he's done nursing and he tries to fall asleep while I rock him but can't get comfortable yet if I put him down he has a melt down. Also, he is becoming very demanding, asking for the boob, pulling my shirt and crying bloody murder if he doesn't get to nurse(while bedsharing).

I. am. tired. I have refused to CIO and I don't want to get to a place where I'm desperate enough to resort to CIO--without researching my options. Once I read a quote in a Dr. Sears book that stuck with me "if you resent it, change it". What bothers me is that I feel like I'm resenting him I get so annoyed with him I dislike him so much at night. I'm in a bad mood during the day and health wise I'm not doing so great either, I keep losing more and more weight, I'm light headed...it's such a personal struggle, part of me says I need to do something about it where I can take care of me in order to be a good mom to him day and night. But part of me says I can't let him CIO because I feel like he needs something and I must tend to him. But one of the reasons I'm thinking about sleep training (besides being a walking zombie) is that at the end of the month we are moving in with my parents, I'd hate to do any sleep training there; one, I don't want to disturb them when both work two jobs and two, I don't want my mom to interfere or add her two cents. I had not done any sleep training before because we have paper thin wall and the neighbors would say to me "I heard him fussing last night" which meant "I hear that baby cry all night long" but they just moved out, so we won't have any neighbors for the whole month we have until we move out. If we are going to do it, now is the time.

Are there any "gentler" ways? One thing that now is different when I attempted CIO at 6 months is that he seats up and stand up in his crib, will he lay back down? Please share your wisdom and please tell me I'm not a sh!ty mom!

jcsumm0

Google Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method.  It is a gentler method and can be done while bedsharing.  I have not done it myself but I know some folks on here and IRL have done it with great success. 

Hope that helps!

Temp123197812503460

I would go to bed much earlier than midnight. You can still change the other stuff as well, but you could get an extra 2 or 3 hr of sleep without change.

Rdautenhahn

jcsumm0:

Google Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method.  It is a gentler method and can be done while bedsharing.  I have not done it myself but I know some folks on here and IRL have done it with great success. 

Hope that helps!

Thank you so much for this!  In a few months I think it will come in handy! 

tokenhoser

Sleep Lady Shuffle is another gentler method (https://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/kids-sleeping/good-night-sleep-lady-shuffle.html)

I would also separate crying from "cry it out". Some crying is probably inevitable if you want some change. Crying with you at the crib side or in the room is NOT the same as endless crying where you don't respond. It's just changing the response - and he won't like it. He will probably get over it.

pepomntpat

tokenhoser:

Sleep Lady Shuffle is another gentler method (https://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/kids-sleeping/good-night-sleep-lady-shuffle.html)

I would also separate crying from "cry it out". Some crying is probably inevitable if you want some change. Crying with you at the crib side or in the room is NOT the same as endless crying where you don't respond. It's just changing the response - and he won't like it. He will probably get over it.

Even better would be to have DH do this and let the OP get some sleep. I know Ro responds much differently to me than to DH. She allows simple rocking and holding from him, whereas with me I MUST nurse her.

We did do a very modified Ferber and it worked very well for us. And remember this. Your child needs nursing and soothing, but he also needs SLEEP and so do you. I believe in using whatever method you need to get sleep. Needing sleep is not selfish. 

DD still does not STTN, but she does sleep much, much better and I am a better Mommy during the day when I am not so friggin' tired and angry. 

3003girl

pepomntpat:

tokenhoser:

Sleep Lady Shuffle is another gentler method (https://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/kids-sleeping/good-night-sleep-lady-shuffle.html)

I would also separate crying from "cry it out". Some crying is probably inevitable if you want some change. Crying with you at the crib side or in the room is NOT the same as endless crying where you don't respond. It's just changing the response - and he won't like it. He will probably get over it.

Even better would be to have DH do this and let the OP get some sleep. I know Ro responds much differently to me than to DH. She allows simple rocking and holding from him, whereas with me I MUST nurse her.

We did do a very modified Ferber and it worked very well for us. And remember this. Your child needs nursing and soothing, but he also needs SLEEP and so do you. I believe in using whatever method you need to get sleep. Needing sleep is not selfish. 

DD still does not STTN, but she does sleep much, much better and I am a better Mommy during the day when I am not so friggin' tired and angry. 

We did  a simliar thing.  I suggest reading the ferber book - it's not all CIO and it actually does give some good sleep insights. 

This is what we did (at 21 months, after very similar behavior from LO - demanding the breast, unable to fall asleep on her own even though she would try at times, nursing or rocking to sleep)

I nurse her in a chair in the living room. Then DH takes her and puts on PJ's and reads books and lays with her until she goes to sleep. Sometimes I will nurse her again, but at the start I would always give her back to DH and he would lay down with her or put her in the crib. There was crying involved, but she was always with DH. I made sure i said good night and gave her a hug before i handed her off. It kind of sucks, and I did feel bad for a while, but she sleeps so much better now.

Good luck.  

melrrr

jcsumm0:

Google Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method.  It is a gentler method and can be done while bedsharing.  I have not done it myself but I know some folks on here and IRL have done it with great success. 

Hope that helps!

This worked for us and I reccommend it all the time!