UPDATE - Need advice - Shower question - **PG mentioned**

laurendSept05

Update:  Hello everyone. Hope everyone is doing o.k. today. Just wanted to update on the baby shower I went to yesterday. It actually went well. I was really glad that I went to support her. She is a very good friend and was happy I was there. I know her whole family too, and they were very supportive as well.  DH went with me - but I was able to stay in the room the whole time. I think it helped that she is having a girl. I think I would have had a hard time with seeing little boy things. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for the support last week!

 

One of my good friends is due in August and her baby shower is this weekend.  I'm torn on whether to go or not.  Originally when I got the invitation I had no intention of going.  But I now think I would like to go and support her.  She had a miscarrage her first pregnancy and then tried for a while after for this baby.  Shes been so understanding and sensitive to my feelings since our loss - asking how I'm doing, not mentioning her pregancy unless I ask, telling me she understands if I cant come to the shower but she wanted me included, etc.  I think for myself I will be o.k. - I think I can be there and be happy for her.  But I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or make her feel bad for her happiness by being there.  Kind of the "elephant in the room" kind of thing.  Does that make sense?  What would you do or have you done in this situation?  The shower is at a restaurant, and DH said he'd go with me and wait in the bar, so I wont' have to go alone, and if I need to leave or step out for a minute he'll be there.

xxswebbxx

It seems like this is truely a good friend. I would go even if just for a little bit to show your support for your friend since it seems like she has been very supportive & understanding for you. Plus its good you will have your DH in the next room waiting for you.

pottermommy

I would go if you feel like you are ready to go.  I am sure if you go she will know that you only did it b/c you knew you were ready and that you wanted to be there for her.

When you get there you could always tell her how happy you are to be included and that you are happy for her.  It may make her less uncomfortable and more relaxed though I think she will just be happy you are there.

jbranden12

I think you and your DH have come up with a good plan. It sounds like you would feel sad about missing this event, so you might as well give it a shot!

nuttycoconut

At first I was going to say that I wouldn't go, but after reading about the plan you and your DH have, I say go for it! You can stay as long as you can, and visit him whenever you feel uncomfortable. I think it's a perfect plan. Good luck to you!

whiteroses05

I think you are strong than you know for even thinking about going!! I can't get myself to go to any baby showers I have been invited to here lately. I automaticly politely decline or make up an excuse not to go. You have a really good friend to support the way she has. However you need think you would be comfortable for you. If you don't feel you can go then maybe go out to eat with just her and give her a gift congratulating her. You H is also wonderful for doing that for you!!! I really don't anyone will be bothered by the fact of you getting up to leave and having your H there is good bc he can get your mind off it before going back. Let us know how it goes!! {{HUGS}}

laurendSept05

Thanks to everyone for the support.  I'll let you all know how it goes!

ally2011

One of my best friends had her shower in January.  She had 2 losses and has one healthy son.  We had just gotten some bad news and I was in no place to go...I am not sure if I would have been otherwise.  Anyway, she is a great friend and told me that if it were reversed, she knew it would not be healthy for her to be at my shower.  She told me she knew I loved her and it was ok.  Like I said, she is a great friend.

I think you should do whatever you really want to do.  Not what you think you should want to do.  Or what you think she thinks you should want to do.  Do not feel guilty if you can't go yet....you are not that far out from your loss and that is still a really hard time, though it comes and goes more by where you are than in the beginning when it is not stop sadness.  Whatever you decide, do not feel guilty.  At this point, you still need to do what is best for you.  I am not selfish person at all, but that is just the truth right now.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,
Jenn