XP: Anyone with a high needs baby end up having two hn babies as described by dr sears?

MegM2012

Anyone have a high needs baby that can never be put down, is super alert and ahead of milestones, but has to be held for every nap and for two hours at bedtime before transitioning to co-sleeper? I lovd my 3 mo old dearly but he only ever wants me and trying to get out of the house to get groceries or do anything takes lots of planning or there will be lots of tears and sleepless nights. I have an ergo for the home but he gets to hot in it where we live if we try to go out or shopping. He also requires silence or white noise to sleep as well as to be rocked so it is hard to even visit family forget that he hates his carseat and only lasts in there 20 minutes tops and only when I am able to sit next to him in the backseat. Going anywhere alone is a no go. Plus I bf and he likes to eat A Lot just for comfort. Just wondering if anyone else has one of these spirited child and if it gets easier. I am so tired of everyone I know giving me advice on how he is this way because I am spoiling him. No this is just how he is and I parent according to his needs. I also wanted a couple more kids but if I have another hon baby I don't know how I could do it. Sorry guess I just was curious to know I am not alone. I know these babies often turn into bright, happy, empathetic children. My son is very happy and smiles all day as long as he is with me.

kcisthebombdotcom

I think at 3 months old it's much too early to classify your child as "high needs". Most kids at that age want to be held 24/7. I think in another 6 months you'll likely have a far different baby.

MegM2012

Ok thanks. Maybe it's just I compare him to my niece at this age and she was very chill- let anyone hold her, liked to ride in car, could fall asleep anywhere even if there was noise, liked looking around shopping, etc

RA1109

My first baby was exactly like you described.  My second is extremely low maintenance, it would be easy to forget he's even in the house...never cries, doesn't need a schedule, just goes with the flow.  Everyone told me my first would eventually be independent but he's 2.5 and he's still not.  He's clung to me every second.

I have to say though, my first grew up to be the world's biggest snugglebug.  He'll do anything to be snuggled and is always climbing into my lap and stroking my hair and giving hugs.  He loves to snuggle in bed and watch movies and is just so affectionate.  His favorite saying is "snuggle me mama!"  My 2nd is much more independent, and while he's much, much easier, it already makes me sad that he's not really that into rocking or snuggling, he wants to do his own thing.  It's hard in the beginning but SO worth it to be able to snuggle your little ones longer!

ETA:  I disagree with the pp too, mine babies were definitely different at 3 months.  My 1st needed to be held every single second, my 2nd is a "normal" baby.  I think unless you have a super high needs baby you don't really get what it entails.  I didn't really until I had my second and then I thought "You mean they aren't all that way?"  I won't say it gets better, because in my experience it doesn't, but the kids do grow into super snugglers. 

laura1

RA1109:

ETA:  I disagree with the pp too, mine babies were definitely different at 3 months.  My 1st needed to be held every single second, my 2nd is a "normal" baby.  I think unless you have a super high needs baby you don't really get what it entails.  I didn't really until I had my second and then I thought "You mean they aren't all that way?"  I won't say it gets better, because in my experience it doesn't, but the kids do grow into super snugglers. 

I agree with this.  My DS was way more labor intensive for me than my DD.  DS always wanted to be held, needed white noise to sleep, needed to be swaddled to sleep until we ferbered at 6 months, etc.  My DD started STTN at 9 weeks when we unswaddled her!  She never needed her own schedule, just went with the flow.  Was always happy sitting in the bouncy seat watching DS, and then would just doze off.  

We brought DD home and immediately placed her tightly swaddled with rolled up receiving blankets next to her and white noise next to her when she went to sleep because that is what DS needed to sleep.  We joke now that she was so happy when we took all that away that she started STTN.  

We are very nervous about baby #3 - with he/she be more like DS or DD?  I guess we will be prepared either way! 

MissMae80

I could have just written what RA wrote exactly! I agree to enjoy those snuggles because childhood passes so quickly.

 I'm actually a bit sad DS2 is 10 weeks and certainly less high needs than my first. DS1 is 25 months now and loves to say "snuggle with mama" every night before bed. Just don't over think it and you will find a way to work through the problem if it happens with your second. Having a hands on spouse also helps manage those times when you need an extra set of arms to cuddle. Just More snuggles to go around !

MegM2012

Thank you to all for understanding and helping me see how special my little snugly man is. I am glad there are others with children like mine, my friends and family were starting to make me feel crazy thinking I am spoiling him when he just needs a different level of attention. I know I have to just go with my instincts and when we gave another child if it is hn at least we will know what to do!

kagl08

My DD was this way and is still this way at 22 months. It's sweet though! She does play independently and is generally a sweetheart but whenever we are some place new or someone new comes in she freaks out! She loves to snuggle with me and I used to have to rock her for hours just to go to sleep. Naps were on me until 6 months when I just couldn't do it anymore. We did the Baby Whisperer at 9 months, then CIO at 15 months.

My DS is a nuzzler in the sense that whenever I am on the floor he will crawl over and nuzzle his face into my pants but otherwise he is very independent. Doesn't need to be rocked to sleep, doesn't really like to snuggle. It makes me sad because I sort of miss it.

Court0026

I have 1 chill kid (who was a chill baby after 2 months) and 1 high needs kid (who was a high needs baby since day 1).

skyejo

RA1109:

ETA:  I disagree with the pp too, mine babies were definitely different at 3 months.  My 1st needed to be held every single second, my 2nd is a "normal" baby.  I think unless you have a super high needs baby you don't really get what it entails.  I didn't really until I had my second and then I thought "You mean they aren't all that way?"  I won't say it gets better, because in my experience it doesn't, but the kids do grow into super snugglers. 

I agree.  I knew nothing about newborns until I had DD so I just figured that's how babies were.  But the more I talked to other moms and saw how their babies acted I realized real fast that DD was definitely high needs. 

I went through a lot of what you did.  I couldn't drive anywhere the first 3-4 months, I had to wear or nurse DD to sleep, she couldn't sleep on her back so she slept on my chest for the first two months, then we switched to cosleeping with her on her side. and she nursed all night every night until I weaned her at a year. 

It's much easier now, but we still have our bumps in the road.  DD has only STTN a handful of times.  She will sleep in her bed until about midnight but then wants to sleep with me.  It takes her a while to warm up to new people and situations.

I have a few more months until I deliver #2 but I'm hoping that I'll have it just a bit easier this time around!  If not I figure that a HN baby is all that I know so I'm used to it.

MegM2012

Thank you for the responses. Good luck to you and the other ladies that have had more children. They are all special blessings and like you this is all I know so if my children are all this way great. I quit my job to be a SAHM and hope to be able to stay home with my kids while little. I can't imagine what my little guy would do if he had to go to daycare. I guess he would have to get use to another care giver, but for now am blessed that I can be here to snuggle him all the time.