Single Parents

hasnt sunk in for dad to be yet... advice?

I am 13 weeks now and I told him when I was 5 and since then we have talked about it but not very much- everytime i ask him a question he blows me off. its like he is hoping im not until we get "conformation" from the doc. which we go to for the first appointment on thursday. About 2 weeks after i told him he came over to talk and he is afraid because he doesnt want to pay child support and he wants 50/50 custody but i dont know how i feel about that since he hasnt been there for me since i told him. we were not together at the time nor are we now. its like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me and hang out like we used to. about 2 weeks ago he came over to "hang out" but it was all baby talk, but he asked me a question taht really kinda upset me- he said " would you be willing to take a preg test - with the doc cancellation my mom wants proof" - i just said sure no problem and just blew it off. but the more i think about it, it upset me that he wouldnt take my word for it. and then he left.- I was supposed to have a doc appt on may 11th but when i got there they told me my insurance was inactive- so i have been going through hoops to get to the appointment for this week. since the day i told him he said he wants to go to appointments and be there, but his actions are saying something else. we have talked about names but im stuck on last names. I feel like he is not putting any effort in and the baby doesnt deserve his last name. since he has time to go out and hangout with other people but he cant respond to my texts or even send me a text it is really stressing me out. I got a letter this week from the state for info on the father and i asked him and it needs to be out like asap and he is dragging his feet on it. its really making me mad. O-Yeah i forgot- we havnt met each others families yet and i dont want to let someone i dont know watch my child. I need help??? what do i do? sorry i know its alot but im so confused - first time poster :) Thanks

Re: hasnt sunk in for dad to be yet... advice?

  • he said because we had to cancel an appointment that she thought that i was lying- which i am not... and I will be 23 in aug and he will be 25 in oct. - I feel like because we are not together we need to defend our sex life. It is a shock for both of us because I was told I was not able to get preg due to car accident when i was 16. this has been a depressing few months.
  • I knew three different people who got pregnant when they were told " you cannot get pregnant" .

    I dont think it has sunk it yet for the father of my child and it has been well over a year since I told him I was pregnant. He sees LO all the time, but i doubt reality has hit him. I told him of every appointment, and when I was in labor. It was upon his whether or not to show up. As for anything else, I say call your court office and ask what the laws are. Some do not allow a father's name to be on a birth certificate w/o establishing paternity (either a petition to establish or an acknowledgment) unless the mother was married(even if not biological father of child) during her pregnancy. Find out what can and cannot be done, how you can establish custody and child support. In most states you do not need lawyers for family court and you can work through things in court appointment mediation.

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  • Let's just put it this way...men do not feel that they are fathers until they actually have the baby in their arms. You are the one making sure the baby gets the proper nutrition and keeping the baby safe so of course you are connected. He probably doesn't feel the need to be there for you. You aren't married. Barely sounds like you have been dating for any significant amount of time. So no offense is it a possibility that he just doesn't want to be there for you until the baby is physically out of your belly? Not saying any of these are excuses. I am not siding with him in any way.

    Gotta say...I was shocked to hear that he is in the mid twenty range. Why the hell does this man-child need his momma to double check to make sure your not lying. Why can't HE make sure of that?

    But bottom line is don't wait for him to come around. You need to do what has to be done. I would go ahead and have the baby under your name.

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  • thank you- I feel so much better now. I dont blame him for it not sinking in- I just feel like im getting fat until im sure i feel the baby move lol. I will have to check into the court and what needs to be done. But at the same time i dont want him to be mad at me for not giving the baby his name but i dont feel he has deserved it this far. Again thank you so much :)
  • ok so we had our first appointment yesterday and im 13ish weeks and he was there and saw and heard it. everything was going fine. this morning he texted me and asked if i would be mad if he dated- since we were not together anyway i said no but i said i hurt becuase we didnt date because he "wasnt ready". so then he said well i didnt want you to find ouf from facebook... which im not on ... so they are already dating.. so now i am up set and I dont know what to do. I was trying to work with him on everything now i dont want him near me or to even come to the appoinments with me. am i over reacting? I am just hurt and want to hurt him anyway i can- and he says he doesnt want me telling people he is the father but screw that... he messed up and now i feel like i want to make him hurt like he just hurt me. any advice?
  • wow this sounds really familiar ! My ex asked to see my birth control pills so he could show them to his mom !!!! He also told me that his mom said that I should have an abortion ! I told him it was none of his mothers business and if she was asking me to have an abortion then she was a piece of sh** ! We are in our 40's .... none of this is any concern of hers and u should tell your guy the same thing ! I completely understand where you are coming from though..... I have had a hard time with my ex ! GL !
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