Where to start?

megastar007

My DH and I are wanting to adopt someday and are curious about the process.  We don't have thousands of dollars to pay for an adoption, but want to give a child a home.  I have just always felt that an adopted child would fit into our family.  My dad is adopted as is my DH's sister, but that is about as much as we know about the process.  My SIL wasn't adopted until she was 2 or so and was born to a drug addicted mother.  She has, as a result, had some issues over the course of her life.  Because of this tough experience, my DH is adamant that we adopt a young baby.  We have heard that the foster to adopt program doesn't cost as much as private adoptions, but we are scared that a baby will be placed with us and then taken back.  Is that a realistic fear?  How long does the process take? Our DS is almost a year and we'd like our kids to be spaced out by 2-3 years.  Do we need to start now?  Thanks for all of your help!

ellekae

For basic info, check out the FAQs at the top of the page.

When it comes to adopting from foster care, the likelihood that a "healthy" newborn or very young baby will be available is slim. Most kids in foster-adopt programs are older children, not babies (at least in PA, not sure about CA). If your DH is adamant about wanting a "healthy" newborn or young baby (with no drug/alcohol exposure, no metal/emotional/medical concerns), your best bet is probably going to be domestic infant adoption (DIA). But like you said, DIA is more expensive, depending on the route you take?agency, attorney, etc.

I don't have a ton of experience with foster care, but I think you may need to be cautious of your perspective about biological parents when it comes to the foster care system. In many situations, the goal of foster care is to return the children to their bio parents... it's meant to be temporary. If you aren't interested in being in interim care provider no matter what the situation, then foster care might not be for you. I say, find a program that sounds interesting to you, attend classes to get certified, and get the info you need to make the best decision for your family.

Good luck!

silliestbunny

Welcome  

Decisions, decisions, decisions!  We have a great FAQ at the top of the page w/good resources.

A few reactions to your post---

1-  Infant adoption does not equal babies born w/o drug or alcohol exposure.  Nor does toddler adoption equal exposure.  Also you may want to research different drugs and the impact of exposure. 

2-  Domestic adoption can be very expensive or not but when you are determined to make it work, it is amazing how much money can be saved.  I was a little shocked when I first saw figures from domestic agencies.... but we became determined and made it happen.  There are ways to keep the cost down too... the agency you choose or chosing to do an independent, private adoption.  You can also restrict your search to local adoptions only (just because your agency is in your state doesn't mean your e-mom will be.. this represents another expense... living outside of your state for a week or two or three).

3-  Adoption can be a bumpy road regardless of what route you take.  I could write a novel about the "what-if's" in this area. But before you get there, it's important to understand the types of adoption and the risks involved.  But if you worry about someone coming to you a year after you have the baby and taking the baby, that's a rare scenario in domestic infant adoption and would mean there are some extending circumstances that complicated things.  I definitely would not let this be a deterrent since it is odd... but you also must know there are windows of time where there are increased risks of the birth parents changing their mind. 

4-  As for timing, it took us 22 months to adopt our first baby.  And then almost four months later, we matched again and adopted our second baby just a few months later.  My point--- it can vary greatly.  My advice is always have your details worked out (financing, child care/bonding) before starting because it can happen really quicky.... or really slowly.

Another point about timing--- the more "filters" you have when searching, the longer it tends to take.  Filters= gender, race, drug exposure, alcohol exposure, location, mental conditions, etc.

 

Hope this was somewhat helpful

megastar007

Thanks for the help ladies I'll check out the FAQs.  My DH and I are working at paying off our debt now, but I'm just so worried about coming up with money for the adoption itself.  With insurance, it would be less expensive for us to have another biological child (which we will someday), but we really want to adopt