Stranger Questions

EratMama

Mostly I find stranger's random comments to be very welcoming.

At the resale shop, I had been making chit-chat with a woman.  As I was checking out, I just had the baby, and asked for the foster parent discount.  The woman asked, "oh, you're a foster parent, do you like it?"  "yes, it's great."

"Did you have fertility issues? Is that why you're a foster parent?"

I just said, "No.  We chose this.  And said, "we couldn't make 'em any cuter than this!"  

 She repeated several times, even when I thought it was clear that we chose this adorable one.  

Boundaries, lady.

CaptainSerious

You did the right thing.  Ignore, ignore, IGNORE!  Even when they are too dense to get the hint.

Unfortunately, most the people in my life who are too dense are my brother and his wife.  But I will share this story:

A couple weeks ago, we were at the confirmation of our godson (my best friend's son).  Her mother asked how the transition was going, and I told her it was great, except for a few sibling rivalry issues.  She responded, "Oh, just like real brothers!"

"Well, they are real brothers!" I answered cheerfully.

"Oh?!?  Are they related?"  she asked.

"They are now!"  I answered as gleefully as possibly.

"Oh!  But I mean....  I mean...they aren't really related, are they?"

"Of course!  They are brothers!"

"But I mean...."

"I know what you mean.  And the are brothers just like any others."

At this point her daughter (my best friend's sister) stepped in and told her to just quit while she was behind.  I smiled and walked away.

My sons (at least M) are oldest and understand enough English to get what was being said, but I'm not going to let her ignorance disturb them.  She was the one who looked like an idiot, even to him.

Just continue to stand up for your children, and they will know where you stand, at the very least.  I can't guarantee you that they will never question their place in life, but the best you can do is make it so they can never question their place in your family or your heart.

 

srmmm09

Asking people about their fertility is just SO baffling to me. I don't think we'll have problems of that kind since we have a bio son, but I have a little script in mind in case anyone decides to ask:

Person: "Oh, did you adopt because of trouble getting pregnant?"

M: "No. How regular would you say your menstrual cycles are?"

(I know I won't be able to do this with my kids around, but I REALLY want to. Badly.)

meganroselee

People are definitely crazy. I went to the tricare office to get my son put in officially as son and not "ward' and this crazy old lady said "he is so cute, can I have him." I had a flash of anger bc in what world would you ask a mother if you can have her child but then I calmed down. Ppl often don't know what to say if.adoption is.foreign to them and most ppl get diarrhea of the mouth rather than just giving a simple.Congrats. intrusion into my reproductive life bugs the hell out me though. I just say that I always have.wanted/planned tpo adopt and leave it at that.

meganroselee

srmmm09:

Asking people about their fertility is just SO baffling to me. I don't think we'll have problems of that kind since we have a bio son, but I have a little script in mind in case anyone decides to ask:

Person: "Oh, did you adopt because of trouble getting pregnant?"

M: "No. How regular would you say your menstrual cycles are?"

(I know I won't be able to do this with my kids around, but I REALLY want to. Badly.)

. This is so great. I'm going to try this.

elissaann26

srmmm09:

Asking people about their fertility is just SO baffling to me. I don't think we'll have problems of that kind since we have a bio son, but I have a little script in mind in case anyone decides to ask:

Person: "Oh, did you adopt because of trouble getting pregnant?"

M: "No. How regular would you say your menstrual cycles are?"

(I know I won't be able to do this with my kids around, but I REALLY want to. Badly.)

This is awesome!  My DH plans to respond with any inappropriate question asked about our foster children with "Why are you fat?  Oh, it's not inappropriate question day?  Sorry I thought it was!"    

ctbride08

99% of my stranger interactions are really positive, "Your family is beautiful", "God bless you", ect.  I think we get a pass on the infertility questions as a gay couple. The worst of the questions we get regularly is "where are they from?" which used to really annoy me but now i'm comfortable saying something like, "I'm a foster parent and was blessed with these great kids."

I know that I can be more blunt than most, but the few times that people have asked questions that cross the time, I simply say, "That's a personal question"  and they back off real quick

Art Teacher

srmmm09:

Asking people about their fertility is just SO baffling to me. I don't think we'll have problems of that kind since we have a bio son, but I have a little script in mind in case anyone decides to ask:

Person: "Oh, did you adopt because of trouble getting pregnant?"

M: "No. How regular would you say your menstrual cycles are?"

(I know I won't be able to do this with my kids around, but I REALLY want to. Badly.)

I LOVE that!  I would follow up with, "Oh, was THAT inappropriate to ask?!"

 

jenjen930

elissaann26:

srmmm09:

Asking people about their fertility is just SO baffling to me. I don't think we'll have problems of that kind since we have a bio son, but I have a little script in mind in case anyone decides to ask:

Person: "Oh, did you adopt because of trouble getting pregnant?"

M: "No. How regular would you say your menstrual cycles are?"

(I know I won't be able to do this with my kids around, but I REALLY want to. Badly.)

This is awesome!  My DH plans to respond with any inappropriate question asked about our foster children with "Why are you fat?  Oh, it's not inappropriate question day?  Sorry I thought it was!"    

I love both of these!  I will have to remember this.