Intro

superluper

(A very long introduction)

I started posting on the boards 3.5 years ago when I had an unexpected ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my tube and subsequent surgery. I spent the next two years obsessed with TTC and seeking out everything short of IVF, but a second HSG showed that my remaining tube was shot. I also have bipolar disorder and at that point I spiraled down into a very bad place in my mental health. It almost killed me. To help that recovery I went on BC about a year ago and I have been on it ever since. I've been kicking and clawing my way out of the deep pit of bipolar and I'm finally in a better place again. 

For the past year, DH and I (and my therapist) have spent countless hours trying to figure out what the best options are for our future family. Since I have no functioning tubes, IVF is our only biological option but we have decided not to pursue IVF. To all the haters out there, the choice was for a variety of options including the cost, hormones exacerbating my bipolar, severe anxiety about it working, test results that were not very promising and more.

We have also decided not to adopt. We went though the state mandated adoption courses when we were thinking about adoption and talked with a number of agencies. Because of my bipolar disorder, many international adoptions are not possible, and approval for local adoptions can be difficult. After reading countless blogs and books and talking to many families on both sides of adoption, we decided that for my emotional health and other reasons it would not be the best choice for our family

So here I am. Married 6 years to the most amazing man on earth. I have the most exceptional dog that you could ask for and we will not have children. I struggle with the fears of growing old without the support of children. I struggle every time someone new in our Sunday School class announces their pregnancy and "graduates" to a new class. I struggle with the guest room in our house that was really always intended to be the baby's room. I wonder what it would feel like to have a little alien poking me from the inside. I imagine what a mix of DH and myself would look like. 

But I keep going everyday and try to fill those longings with new things. I'm determined to do an ultramarathon. Someday, I'll get to go to Paris with DH. We're sponsoring international students through our church. I'm getting the degree I really wanted even though I already have one.

 Well, if you made it through that novel, congratulations! I kinda struggled with whether I fit the CFNBC criteria since we somewhat chose not to pursue IVF or adoption. If I'm in the wrong place, please let me know! If this is in the right place, then hello! 

winofairy

Welcome!  I am new to this board too.  My IF journey is in my siggy.  No further ART treatments and adoption is not an option for us either.

hollymichael

Welcome, although I am sorry you have to be here.

I struggle with the name of our board. I don't really like the "not by choice". I think for many of us here (not all) our current situation involves some level of choice. For me, I couldn't emotionally do any more treatments. I was so tired of it consuming my life. So, we decided to get our money back from our DE guarantee program even though we still had several more tries available to us. We also have decided not to pursue adoption.

It sounds like you have a great support system and you are doing all that you can to move on in your life. I am not sure if you are a reader, but I read a few books that helped me move forward too.

 

winofairy

hollymichael:

. I am not sure if you are a reader, but I read a few books that helped me move forward too.

 

What books would you recommend?

superluper

Thanks for all the kind replies. I'd love to hear book recommendations, someone told me once about something having to do with grapes?? 

Thanks for the clarification on the board name, I agree that there's generally some sort of choice even if it's a little forced by circumstances. 

hollymichael

For those that asked about books, here is what I read/want to read:

Never to be a Mother: Author interviewed many child free not be choice women to get their stories. I liked it, but it was written in the early 90's so it seems a bit dated at times.

Silent Sorority: Author tells her story of IF and life without kids after IF. Well written and helpful.

Sweet Grapes: I haven't read this one yet, but I plan to read it at some point. I will probably order it when I am having a down day.

Two is Enough: Authors interviewed several child free couples. Note: these are couples who chose to be child free. Even though they are in a completely different situation, I really liked this book. I liked reading about couples who had chosen a child free life. For some reason, it made me feel better to know that others chose this path.

znianiswan

SUPER !!!

I remember you From TTCAL ! I hope you remember me ?

 I'm sorry life has brought you here, you are on the right board, it is just not very active. We have made the decision pretty much to be CF as well, PM if you want to talk. 

 

 

 

Mitzi Bishi

You sound like you are in a good place now with enjoying life, doing things you like to do, and being able to travel to far away lands. 

I know it's not easy to grieve for the life you envisioned yourself having, but there are no guarantees that children will help as you grow older or be healthy enough to. It's incredible the range of emotions all of this brings and how each day can be a struggle. We also have the guest room that never became more, but keep focusing on what you do have!