Opened gifts
Ladies,
please tell me if I am overreacting. We had our babyshower on the West Coast before the planned move to the East Coast where both DH's and my family live. When we move, his family will be closer to us than mine, but not that much closer. Anyways, we thought to ask people to send gifts to the East Coast so we won't have to move extra things. My parents suggested their house to store the gifts, but DH insisted that we send them to his aunt's house as she has a large basement. He asked her and she agreed. I jokingly asked DH to tell his family not to open the gifts, so that we get to see them first. I honestly thought I am being rude requesting it as it seems like common sense, so asked profoundly apologizing. Well, the women of his family opened every box and looked though all the gifts. I found out when his gm started telling me which things we should pick up first and which can wait. I did not know how to react and did not say anything. I feel so upset now. DH says I am being ridiculous: they only took out inner boxes from the big mailing boxes. Well, thanks for not taking out the baby bath from the box and not reading baby books or using pacifiers... They never asked us about what we need for the baby, no one from his family did, did not give gifts, but felt ok to roam through unopened presents for us. So is it hormones and I am overreacting? Should I just be thankful they stored our stuff and let it go?
Re: Opened gifts
However, this isn't something i'd make a stink over. It's already done - you can't undo it. But ABSOLUTELY this would affect future dealings w/ them and how much I can trust them.
And for the fact that your DH "insisted" on using his aunt's house and thinks you're being ridiculous - something tells me that this is also a DH problem.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
What a bummer!
I have an evil brain and I thing you should open all of the holiday gifts for the family before they can get to them as revenge
LOL (I am kidding but planning revenge in your head can be fun and theraptuic)
Well, let me clarify: I don't think they intentionally wanted to offend me or ruin my day. They, however, did not want to make extra space or needed to rearrange things(would not it be appropriate to ask us, anyways). They were curious and wanted to see what's there in the mail for us. They feel what they did is completely normal - MIL goes through my dresser and cabinets when she visits us (in my absence). I guess we have different personal boundaries, but I don't think I am in a position to teach these people good manners after they successfully lived without them for so long. I suspected that this would be the case with the gifts, this is why I "manned up" and asked not to open them. I wish I persuaded my DH to ship everything to parents, but he felt that he needs to involve his family in the whole "welcoming baby" thing.
As to gift giving: I did not expect anything from them nor do I feel that anyone is obligated to give a gift. We can afford to buy everything for the baby ourselves. I just think that they are in no position to unpack and discuss other people's gifts for us, especially after they prefer to stay out of the whole gift giving thing.
Thank you for the advice to vent here and forget. I decided that this is exactly what I will be doing:))) I just don't know how to avoid dealing with such behavior in future as my DH does not seem to mind.
And what does your husband say about this? If nothing, like I'm going to assume, then you have an issue with him being too chickenshit to stand up to his family.
But- it's time he starts respecting YOU. In YOUR HOME, he needs to make it clear to his mom that going through your drawers and cabinets is NOT O.K. This isn't "his" house - it's yours too an dhis mom needs to respect that, AS DOES YOUR DH.
Doesn't matter if he doesn't understand. It matters that he RESPECTS your wishes. ANd maybe turn it on him - how would he feel if your mom went through HIS personal things?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This is one of those things where you just breathe and move on. We all over-react at some point. It's human and it doesn't make us crazies to have a moment like that every one in a while. And it's even better to be able to admit when you may have done so.
I don't want to sound rude but you need to understand the shower, gifts, and them storing anything was a favor. Not a right. Also I highly recommend to not ask them to spend extra cash for shipping. If you want it shipped then send someone the money to ship it.
BFP#1 10 wk missed mc
BFP#2 DS born at 40+2 on 8/14/12 BFP#3 DD Born at 39+3 on 5/13/14
This. Is it the end of the world? Nope. But is it a little strange & inappropriate? Yep.
Yep.
That is annoying. I know I was sad when my husband opened our first wedding gift without me and then joyfully told me about what we'd received. When he saw how sad I was, he realized he'd inadvertently made a mistake and really put forth an effort to think about my feelings in cases like that.
Depending on your relationship with DH's family, you could make a joke about how opening someone else's mail is a federal offense.
But only if they have a good sense of humor and you are able to keep it light. If there's a chance you'll show any annoyance, don't even try to make a joke.
I know others are saying to just let it go, but I think you or DH should calmly express how disappointed you were that they opened the gifts.Otherwise, things could fester.And it sounds like you might be building some resentment. Maybe they just need to know there's a problem to change. Also, I do agree with others to be careful about what you trust them with, at least until they show they can respect your privacy in a way that works for you. Good luck!
Your in laws sound like they are people who wouldn't blink at stealing something from you! Your husband needs to grow a pair and stick up for you. I'd be extremely poed if my in laws did this. The thank you notes would be one of the bigger deals for me if they opened all the gifts.
I'm with a pp; open all of their Christmas (or other holiday) gifts and leave everything (gifts and wrappers and bows) under the tree. Then innocently say "Oh you didn't want me to do that? But I thought I was doing you a favor!" I'm joking of course, but it makes me feel better to think of them going downstairs and seeing the living room all messy.
2/06 - surprise pregnancy - twins
3/06 - m/c 1st baby at 6 weeks
5/06 -2nd baby had no heartbeat at 14 wks.
D&E - Bled out. Blood transfusions. Week in ICU - Cheated Death!
Diagnosis: Blood clotting and bleeding disorder, immune issues, & cervical stenosis
5/10 - 1st IVF cycle - BFN
FET - 10/12/10 - BFN
1/11 - IVF with PGD - BFN
IVF - May - BFN
6/11 New RE - fingers crossed!
9/11 - IVF - 4 transferred
10/13 - BFP!!
It's a boy! Clint Michael, Due in June!!!
Personally, I would have asked them to open the gifts so that I could send thank you notes. That is what we did with engagement/wedding gifts, anything shipped went to my dad's office and he opened them to let me know what it was and who it was from so I could write the note immediately.
However, the fact that they did it without you asking is rude, but I would let it go. There's not much you can do about it now.
Hmmm. There are two ways to look at that. On one hand, they could have thought that gifts would have been wrapped even though they were inside the mailing boxes, so they thought that it would be helpful to get everything out ready for you to unwrap. On the other hand, you could liken that to someone opening your mail so that you don't have to tear open an envelope: it's a little intrusive.
I would be irritated that they didn't get me a gift but thought it was ok to snoop through what everyone else got me, too. Not in a "they HAVE to get me a gift!" way, of course, but you're right, you just don't go opening someone else's gifts, especially when you didn't get that person a gift yourself.