Baby Showers
lily_721
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second baby showers? thoughts?
lily_721
member
in Baby Showers
My friend recently announced her second pregnancy and has been hinting at the cost of having another child.
They have a 3 y/o already and were married last year. I feel like I have been giving gifts to them for four years straight (baby showers, birth, wedding shower, bachelorette, wedding).
She mentioned needing some items. I remembered that she already received these for her daughter. Her response: we got rid of all of the baby things when we moved. Um... you were planning for more children, why would you toss these things?!
We are having a very difficult time TTC so I'm trying to take my own feelings out of this. What are your thoughts?
together since 2006
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: second baby showers? thoughts?
She can hint and complain all she wants. You, nor anyone else, has to throw her a shower. Especially based on her attitude. Yeah - a 2nd child cose more $$. But that's why you either make a point to save your stuff from kid #1 or don't have more kids.
It's NO ONE's responsibility to stock them up on everything just beause they decided to have another child.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
She might not be hinting about anything. IF you are a friend she might assume she can talk to you about things. (vent about life) If she is hinting you always have the option to ignore. EDIT A first time mother doing this is just as wrong. First time mothers are also not entitled to be greedy and demanding.
EDIT I would like to add that whether or not showers are for first time mothers, or for mothers who have large age gaps, or for every pregnancy...there are a lot of opinions. Even etiquette websites disagree. (reputable websites) If you have spent any time on this board you would see many people don't like baby showers for second or more babies. It's possible you might be more sensitive to what your friend is saying because you are TTC. Even a first time mother shouldn't expect a shower or expect people to buy stuff for her child.
I have no problems with second showers- AS LONG AS SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING THE HOSTING.
I think it is really ballsy of her to insinuate that she "NEEDS" items and a shower. WTF?
It's not anyone else's problem that she got rid of her stuff. She can scour CL or garage sales if money is tight.
My friend just had her second baby. They moved cross country, so they donated a lot of their baby stuff. So you know what she did? She bought new stuff! I did loan her our bassinnett, swing, and a few pajamas.
So if a friend was throwing her one, I wouldn't think much of it, but for her to hint at the cost of having another child is crass, IMO.
GL with your journey.
Really, I just cannot get over this.
I'm trying to think WHAT was so expensive about DS in the past 18 months and childcare has been the #1 thing. I'm sure formula costs a lot too, but I EBF, so I don't even know what formula costs or how you buy it or whatever.
Those are not things anyone can really BUY for you anyway.
I mean, clothes are only as pricey as you want them to be. We do nearly all outlet shopping over holiday weekends and get 75% off most of his stuff. We have some nice consignment shops around here too.
All that gear, toys, etc? All can be borrowed or bought gently used from CL.
Diapers are the other thing that can cost a lot, I guess, but I don't even remember batting an eyelash at that expense. I mean, why bother? It's not like you can just not diaper their bottoms, afterall.
BFP#1 10 wk missed mc
BFP#2 DS born at 40+2 on 8/14/12 BFP#3 DD Born at 39+3 on 5/13/14
2/06 - surprise pregnancy - twins
3/06 - m/c 1st baby at 6 weeks
5/06 -2nd baby had no heartbeat at 14 wks.
D&E - Bled out. Blood transfusions. Week in ICU - Cheated Death!
Diagnosis: Blood clotting and bleeding disorder, immune issues, & cervical stenosis
5/10 - 1st IVF cycle - BFN
FET - 10/12/10 - BFN
1/11 - IVF with PGD - BFN
IVF - May - BFN
6/11 New RE - fingers crossed!
9/11 - IVF - 4 transferred
10/13 - BFP!!
It's a boy! Clint Michael, Due in June!!!
Not that the OP's friend is not being tacky but let's see, crib, stroller, car seat, high chair, swing/bouncer, pack'n'play, bottles, clothes, etc, etc, etc. Babies are expensive and no matter how prepared some of us just hate spending tons of money that we really don't have. On our own or others. And yes you can borrow IF you are lucky enough to know someone. Also consignment shops really aren't that cheap. Just saying.
Then don't have kids. Or survive without every baby gadget known to man. There is very little that the baby actually needs to survive and thrive. The rest is a convenience for you the parent.
Really? Wow.
What's so "wow" about it? A boob, some diapers, wipes, a place to sleep and a carseat. BOOM. Done.
crib, stroller, car seat, high chair, swing/bouncer, pack'n'play, bottles, clothes
A crib, fine, I'll give you that. A car seat, I'll give you that too.
Bottles? Breastfeed.
High chair? you don't NEED this, especially until the kid is closer to 6 months old. And yes, you can find some very cheap ones on CL. I know because I bought one for $25 from there.
PnP? Why do you NEED a PnP? We have no such thing.
Stroller- don't NEED a stroller. I wore DS for most of his first year. Hell, I still do.
Clothes- you'll find most people give you clothes. And clothes are not that expensive. Most of DS's come from the Baby Gap and Carter's outlets on holiday weekends, 75% off.
Bottles - Some people can't BF for various reasons and even if you do you may still have to use a bottle at times.
High Chair - Is a need as they age and I surely wouldn't want one that was falling apart. In good condition and cheap or free then great!
PnP - Lots of uses, but no I guess not a necessity. Though some people use them in place of a crib/bassinet (especially in the beginning).
Stroller - Well obviously if you wore your child you didn't need one. You needed some way to get him around though.
Clothes - If you aren't having a shower who preytell is giving these clothes?
:whistles: it must be hard to be you. The only thing you have a point with is the bottles. I told my cousin once that babies r us can be broken up like this: 80% of it you don't need at all, but they've convinced lazy or inexperienced parents they can't live without. 15% of what remains, you need but it's overpriced. The last 5% is what you need and can only find from them and it's hidden way in the back of the store, lol.
Looks like the marketing department at bru saw you coming a mile away. Have fun with your wipe warmers.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Not only do I think she's being deliberately dense, but I think she's being an azz. If there is no shower how will the baby get clothes? Seriously? You buy them yourself. If you are too cheap to spend money on a child then don't have one.
And the whole if you don't have a stroller how will said inconvenient, expensive child get around? Do you not have arms?
Add me to the list of people without a pnp.
High Chair - Is a need as they age and I surely wouldn't want one that was falling apart. In good condition and cheap or free then great! Is not a need. You can hold the child and feed them. How in the hell do you think people survived before these things were invited?
PnP - Lots of uses, but no I guess not a necessity. Though some people use them in place of a crib/bassinet (especially in the beginning). Not at all a necessity. Convenience for you.
Stroller - Well obviously if you wore your child you didn't need one. You needed some way to get him around though. Unless your arms are broken, carry the kid. Again - for the parents' convenience. These things didn't exist for thousands of years.
Clothes - If you aren't having a shower who preytell is giving these clothes? How about you buy them? And plenty of people give clothing without going to a shower. With my first, while I did have a shower, tons of people gave us gifts of clothes when she was born. With our second (who is only a month old) we have gotten numerous gifts, including clothes.
Ditto.
Okay, I admit I had showers given to me.
But I got MOUNTAINS of clothing after DS was born. We were team green, so I think that played a huge part. But lots of people, especially aunts and grandmothers, sent boxes of clothing after he was born.
My mom and MIL still send a couple of outfits to him a few times a year *shrug*
but like I said, the bulk of his clothing comes from outlet shopping on holiday weekends. You can get great online sales too.
THe pp is right, it sounds like you are just sitting back with the desire that EVERYONE else buy EVERYTHING for your baby because you cannot do/do not want to do it yourself.
*snort*
Are you worried about offending the second (or third or fourth or fifteenth) baby? Is that who you're being rude to?
The shower is for the MOTHER. You only become a mother one time.
oh dear lord. May I never be so dunce and socially unaware as to raise a child who feels that they must be "celebrated".'
good god, talk about first world problems.
I know its not on your registry, but https://www.amazon.com/Clean-Sense-dib-1500-Bidet-Elongated/dp/B000XPHYLK/ref=sr_1_9?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1338848455&sr=1-9
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I need that! Who's buying it for me? I added it to my registry!