Meeting their needs :(

Count Choculitis

I'm having a terrible time (emotionally and physically) finding a way to respond to my 1 month old twins' needs.  For example, when they're both shrieking and crying at the same time, and there's only one of me, I feel like I'm paralyzed and clumsy and helpless.  I also feel like my heart is going to rip in half.  

I go back and forth between the both of them - picking up one and comforting him just long enough to get him to be quiet - then quickly switching back to the other one. This technique so far has NOT been effective.  Other times when I'm feeling all tough and logical I'll let one cry for however long it takes to see the other one's demands through to completion.  But anyway, I'm confused either way and my boys seem perpetually unsatisfied.  Who knows, maybe they also feel unloved.  I feel like I'm failing as a mother of twins and as a mother in general.  Cried at several points today. Did I mention that both boys have awful reflux and I can't put them down flat for 20 minutes after feeding?  Just complicates things even more and makes me feel hopeless. Please help.

scorch

Sorry things are so tough for you right now.  I had one baby that I could not satisfy no matter how or what I tried .  My best move would be to swaddle her and buckle her in the bouncy seat turn on the vibration and then I'd use my foot to bounce her while tending to the other.  Also, I'd make sure she had a pacifier. But if I kept her moving and needed to hold the other we were okay.  Hope that helps.  

Venus04d

My twins haven't arrived yet, so I'm no expert on multiples,  but my DD had colic and reflux and was horribly inconsolable until about 3 or 4 months. I would spend hours at night just walking laps around my living room bouncing her in my arms.

Have you thought of trying a carrier? My DD responded best to the Moby wrap. Maybe if you could put one LO in the Moby wrap after making sure baby's fed and diapered, you could hold the other or feed/diaper it? That way both are feeling cuddled and held, but you only have to use your arms for one? Just a thought. The bouncy seat idea is worth a shot, too. 

Most importantly, remember you are NOT a bad mom. Caring for a newborn is tough, caring for two-I can't imagine. Sometimes one or two bad days in a row can make you feel like you're doing everything wrong and there's no end in sight. I promise it will get better. You are getting close to a place where things will start coming together better. In the meantime, just do as much as you can now and try to remember it won't last forever. 

mirnb

Oh I feel your pain....my boys had extreme colic from about 3 weeks till 3.5 months and it broke my heart to hear them cry.and usually I cried too..I remember the paralyzed feeling not knowing who to tend to first....bouncy chairs are great to put one in and bounce while you tend to the other! Just take it one day at a time and don't feel like a bad mom...you are doing the best you can...my boys cried so much in the first few months of their life I thought I would never see them smile...now they are the happiest babies you could ever meet and people are constantly commenting how lucky I am to have such happy babies haha if they only knew

Kelli&Jed

That fact that you are trying to meet their needs and are concerned about them shows that you are a great mom.  You are only one person, you can only do the best you can.  I too felt like you did when my boys were that little...and I did cry many times but if crying is an every day of the week thing please tell your doctor.  There is no shame if PPD.  For the first few moths I always felt bad that one was constantly in a swing/bouncer/carrier because I'd be holding/changing/comforting the other.   Having twins is tough and there are for sure going to be hard times but the good news is it does get easier.  My best advice is do what works for you.  A million people will have a million peices of advice but you a your partner are the only people that know what's best for you and your baby.  Good luck and hang in there!

Temp123197812503460

It's the hardest thing and it sucks, I'm sorry . Some things that worked for me at that point were wearing both in a ring sling or moony (they both fit together). Going for walks (the fresh air often made them happier) or going for a drive. Also if your nursing then just hanging on the couch comfort nursing and snuggling.Hang in there, it will get better and you are doing the best you can!

srbmvp

I have no advice, just wanted to say you are not alone! How many times have I told DH recently that I feel like a failure as a mother b/c I can't make these boys happy when they are both screaming at once. Add my almost 2-year-old into the mix, and I feel like I'm spread too thin.

Jen0204

Both girls have reflux and DD2 had colic periods for a few hour every afternoon for 3-4 weeks. It was really tough, but now at 4.5 months they are super happy babies and rarely cry. As the grow the reflux should get less severe and they should get less fussy. Like everyone else said, you're only one person and you are doing the best you can. Don't for a second think that they're feeling unloved - I had to let one cry every once in a while too and yet now they smile when I walk in their room in the mornings. 

Does the doctor have you doing anything for the reflux? The girls do much better on Zantac.

Good luck! 

erniebufflo

You are doing great. I feel the same way a lot of the time-- nothing makes me sadder than hearing one scream her face off while I'm too busy feeding/changing/comforting the other to help. I've also got one with reflux. You should look into a bouncy seat (I have the Baby Bjorn) or RNP that would hold them at an incline appropriate for the reflux so you can put one down if necessary. I've gotten good at having one in the bouncy or RNP and rocking/bouncing it with my foot while holding the other in my arms. I've also discovered how to tandem bottle feed, and can't believe it took me 2 months-- it helped a lot. And I've realized that sometimes I just have to sit on the couch with them in the Boppies on either side of me and just hold pacis in their mouths. Or hold one in the Moby or ring sling and the other in my arms. And other times? Well, sometimes one just has to scream her face off until I'm done with the other one. And it's terrible, but it doesn't make me a terrible mom, and you're not a terrible mom either.

Breezy8407

I have no advice considering I was going to write a similar post today. My DD cried most  of  the day, and was inconsolable which is not like her.  I shed a few tears myself because I felt helpless. I just hope I gets easier over time.  

masked_rose86

My girls are still like this....I was told fussing improves between 3-4 months....I'm still waiting for what the MD seemed to say was the magic time it improves!  I think my girls are just the "high maintenance" type of personality so I've resigned myself to waiting till they can sit up and play more on their own....I am lucky when they are happy for 15-30 minutes then the next meltdown ensues....whether it be from boredom or tiredness or hunger.  I think my girls aren't the norm though....I hear of people keeping their babies awake for 2-4 hours at a time and my girls would be MELTING add onto them eating every 2-2.5 hours during the day, there is no way I have found to get them on a more consistent routine....

Anyways, you aren't alone....and you ARE NOT a bad mom!!!!  Believe me I've had moments like yours a lot, but there are good days in there that will help! 

Temp6313048411121614

I'm sorry.  For those of us that have had their babies, we've all BTDT.  You're no less of a mother than the rest of us, you're bound to have babies cry at the same time.  They really got me at the hospital, for hours on end they would rotate who was crying and both be crying.  When you're in the moment, try to remember that it's just a moment, if one needs to cry for an extra few minutes so you can get the other quiet then so be it, it won't scare your child for life.  How ae you feeding?  MMine always broke down when they were hungry and they always seemed to be hungry at the same time (even if I staggered their feedings).  If you're nursing, I would pump and give one a bottle while you nurse the other (I was horrible at tandem nursing), if you give formula then give one a propped bottle while you hold and feed the other.  If they turn into monsters when they're hungry, try to stay ahead of them and start feeding them before they get too hungry.  It will get better. 

MrsLnt

The needy newborn days are so, so hard. I used to call those days "whack a mole" because I was bouncing back and forth between fussy babies. 

Do you have a Rock n Play or a vibrating bouncy seat? Sometimes I would find myself holding one and bouncing the other in the bouncy seat. Another thing I read on here was, though it seems counterintiuitive, settle the less upset baby first because he/she will be easier and faster to calm down, then move on to the other one.

Are you using any of the Happiest Baby on the Block techniques? Swaddling and white noise was a huge help in keeping the colic symptoms under control. If you're not familiar with the techniques, look it up on YouTube - it's like magic how well it works.

Good luck. The newborn days are hard but they do end. Hang in there!