My feelings are really hurt (long)

BeeBee08

I haven't been around too much lately, although I've been trying to come back more the past few days, because I am hurt more than ever before and I didn't want to come and spread my shitty mood on everyone else. 

On our long weekend (May 21st was our holiday), my sister informed me that she had chosen someone else to be the legal guardian for her four month old son should something happen to her and her husband.  She chose her friend who is a single doctor in Chicago to be that person.  It was a slap in the face.  I felt, and still feel, like she confirmed the Universe's opinion that I would be a crap Mother.  My own sister doesn't even trust that I could care for her son.  Her explanation was that my SIL had already named DH and I in their will as legal guardians...I think that's BS.  What kind of excuse is that?  She said she thought I would be a great Mother but wouldn't want the responsibility of both her kids and my SIL's kids.  WTF?  Even if I had my OWN kids I would still be their for hers and SIL's and anyone else's who needed me for that matter.  I am so confused why she would think that someone who isn't married and would have to leave her career and come home to Canada would be a much better choice.  I'm not saying that single people can't be fabulous Mothers but I'm just wondering how much thought was actually put into this decision on both sides, it's a serious commitment.  The best part was that she told me this on my birthday.  I don't think my feelings have ever been this hurt.

My Dad and Step-Mom are coming home to Canada on Friday as they live in AZ, and are planning to stay at my sister's house (she's actually my step-sister but we've known each other for almost our entire lives).  Nobody has even called me to find out what our plans are and if we want to get together with them.  They have to sleep on the floor at her house because they have a small house downtown TO and they would rather do that than spend one stupid night with DH and I in a comfy bed because we don't have children.  It makes me sick.  I emailed and asked what everyones plans were and the only thing I got was "we're going to a Jay's game on Saturday.  You guys can come, but you'll have to buy tickets, we only have four".  Again, it hurts so much.

Uggghhh...I'm sorry, I feel like all I ever do is complain on here anymore!  Thanks for listening.

 

Nesting.Away

I'm so sorry. Sweetie. It is so unfair to have to be second fiddle just because we don't have children. ((hugs))

DeputiesWife

I am so very sorry. It does hurt. My family is the same way. And its getting worse as I get older and I hate it. 

Im thinking of you -- let me know if you need anything, anything at all. Even to vent -- I've got a lot of stories.

::hugs:: 

Edwina.McDunnough

That SUCKS.

I get it that people need to make their own choices but they don't have to be douchey when sharing (or refusing to share) that news.

IMHO I don't see you being a unfit mother and your sister is not a conduit for what the universe thinks. Anyway, we all know the universe is full of crap and has no regard to fairness so FU universe! HUGS and hoping you get your birthday wishes!!

Mandy_Lou83

So sorry sweetie. Thinking of you ((Hugs))

Mrs.McIrish

I'm so sorry Bee.  I can relate because my sister wouldn't "give" me her kids until I got married 2 yrs ago which I also thought was a slap in the face.  She had made my parents the guardians which I thought was wrong since they are grandparents in their late 60's and don't have the stamina to be "parents" again for toddlers. I took it as  "you can't handle the kids since you are single."

I'm sorry your family is excluding you. Hugs.

Aegis2005

I'm so sorry (((hugs))).  You have every right to have hurt feelings, the actions your family have taken/said are hurtful.  I know it's hard, but you have to remember that things your family say/do are in no way a reflection of how you would be as a parent.  None at all.  (((hugs)))

BeeBee08

Edwina.McDunnough:

IMHO I don't see you being a unfit mother and your sister is not a conduit for what the universe thinks.

Haha, this made me laugh...I think my sister needs to be reminded of this sometimes.  Thank you!

reb259

So sorry bee...if If wasn't hard enough. I hate you are dealing with this. Huge hugs!!

winofairy

I'm sorry BeeBee!  HUGE (((HUGS)))

jessican08

((BIG HUGS))

I'm so sorry your sister feels that way - I agree - it doesn't make sense at all - you're family AND you live in the same country!

Don't ever feel bad for venting Bee, we're here for you ((MORE HUGS)) 

illinigal

Hugs sweetie.  That is just crappy all around.  Please don't take it as a sign that the universe thinks you'll be a bad mom, because I'll beat up the universe for you if I have to.  We can't control up other people's decisions, but we can control our own, and it sounds like you are putting an effort to be available for whatever is needed.  

rockpaperlove

::coming out of my temporary lurkdom::

Thinking of you Bee.  I understand why you feel the way you do and I want to make it better for you.  Nothing hurts more than family who gives you additional unnecessary heartache while dealing with some of life's biggest challenges.  My heart goes out to you.  Big ol' huge hugs.

naybird

I'm so sorry. Huge hugs.

We are always here for you.

Sunshine05

I'm sorry.  I understand being the second choice for everything and constantly being left out of plans... or like our plans didn't matter as much because it was just the 2 of us, so we should be open to whatever plans my SIL and her DH & their kids needed to make first.  They always got first dibs on everything.  One day I just went off and things have been better since.  I really don't think my ILs ever thought of it from our perspective.  *big hugs*

Gregermis

((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry sweetie!

theworms

sorry cutie.  that is pretty annoying and hurtful.  i agree with e - your sister does not speak for the universe and a lot of the time i think the universe sucks.

((HUGS))

vanessagorc

Huge hugs.  My sister didn't choose me either.  She claims bc I don't go to church.   Whatever!!!!  My sister is a total f-up, and is a disaster.  

Its also insulting that she picked someone who is broke... Where we are financially secure.  But as I said, she's a total mess.  HUGE HUGS.  

dancinaggie

Oh B, I'm sorry she hurt you so much, it's just not right  I'm so sick of people's asssholeish ways!  ((Big hugs))

AmCheri

I'm so sorry. I can see why you're hurt.  People are so self-absorbed and their inability to exhibit even a modicum of empathy amazes me.  You deserve so much better sweets. Big hugs. 

BeeBee08

vanessagorc:

Huge hugs.  My sister didn't choose me either.  She claims bc I don't go to church.   Whatever!!!!  My sister is a total f-up, and is a disaster.  

Its also insulting that she picked someone who is broke... Where we are financially secure.  But as I said, she's a total mess.  HUGE HUGS.  

Thank you for sharing this V.  It does make me feel better...and I know that could sound bad, but it's true

SweetDahlia

I am really sorry. I don't understand how your own family can be so inconsiderate. Since my sibblings have had kids everything and I mean everything revoloves around them and it hurts so bad.

arbutusbride

I kind of understand the rationale behind your sister's logic but the odds of you needing to be guardians to her kid and your SIL's kids are extremely low.  I'm sure you would love to be a parent to all of them.  It is a very lousy excuse and her "reasoning"  is incredibly lame.  

 My SIL and BIL haven't mentioned anything about who the guardian of our niece will be.  I know that they will probably choose her brother and his wife instead of us even though we are more financially stable and mature to handle it.  SIL is way too attached to her family to let anybody else be apart of it.  

sterpstra10

HUGE ((hugs)) I am so sorry sweetie!  First of all, your sister's opinion is in no way a reflection of the universe's - I happen to belive you'd be a FANTASTIC mother!  And as for being "put on the side" because you don't have kids - I can totally relate.  My mom lives just 45 minutes away and NEVER came out here until we had our son, and now she comes at least once every 2 weeks....I so badly want to ask her why me and DH weren't good enough!!!! 

 I hope you and DH can do something special to cheer you up....I wish I could come have a girls night with you

vanessagorc

BeeBee08:

vanessagorc:

Huge hugs.  My sister didn't choose me either.  She claims bc I don't go to church.   Whatever!!!!  My sister is a total f-up, and is a disaster.  

Its also insulting that she picked someone who is broke... Where we are financially secure.  But as I said, she's a total mess.  HUGE HUGS.  

Thank you for sharing this V.  It does make me feel better...and I know that could sound bad, but it's true

yeah that's why I shared it.  I assure u, we (u and I)  are both more than qualified to be parents. I've just compartmentalized it as "my sister is an a$$hole".  And btw, I'm older than she is, and gainfully employed. Neither she or her husband really is. Yet I'm a bad choice....um ok. 

lynn0926

((hugs))). Sorry that things feel so shittty lately. I hope they look up soon!

Delta04

Oh hun, I'm sorry.  That totally sucks big time!  It is a shame that family can hurt us the most sometimes.  ::hugs::

Mayan2011

People are idiots and this doesn't exclude family, unfortunately.  I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

 

eponine7682

First, I am sorry I am just reading this now because I want to give you HUGE GIANT ((HUGS)) immediately! My feelings would be hurt too. You have posted before about your parents not staying with you because of the no kids thing. Have you ever told them how sh!tty that makes you feel? It's so unfair that they cannot stay just one night with you!

I know I have never met your IRL but I know what an incredible person you are Bee! I think it's a load of crap that your sister chose someone else over you. Sometimes the title of "doctor" can blind someone's rational thoughts... Anyways, I am sorry your family is acting inconsiderate. I would go ape sh!t on them all, lol. ((((((hugs)))))) hunny, thinking of you and happy belated birthday! 

Rachael07.07.07

(((hugs))) I'm sorry hun. I could write some of your post word for word when it comes to your parent and step-parent excluding you from activities/gatherings based on stupid reasons. Happens to me all the time. Anyway, I think you will make a fabulous mother and I hope it happens soon! (((hugs)))