If you put your baby in daycare....

shacadu

Hello ladies, 

 I know I don't post here too often, but I want to hear from anyone willing to share what it's really like to work full time and have your baby in daycare.  I'm not trying to start a debate, just looking to hear others' experiences.  

 If you have your baby in daycare, do you feel like you get to spend enough time with him or her?  Do you get to see enough of those milestones happening ?  Ian goes to sleep around 7 or 7:30 and I can't get him home until 5.  I just worry that with only having the weekends and those few hours after work rushing with dinner, bath and bedtime that I won't feel like I've spent enough time with him.  

wuhhoo

My son is in daycare. I'd be surprised if any working mom says they get to spend "enough" time with their child. That is definitely something you're giving up if you go to work. IMO it is a tough balance. I've found my daycare is really great at teaching my DS and doing some things that I'm not sure I would be able to do. Each day, he hears multiple languages and does art and music. He also gets to socialize with 'friends' and learns to share. My son seems really happy there and that reaffirms my decision, for me. We can also splurge more on family trips / experiences since we are both working.

Also, while it's never been mentioned, it seems to me that my daycare has a unsaid practice not to mention major milestones to parents until they know they've done it at home. For instance, I've never come to pick him up and they say, you missed his first steps today or his first word. At the same time, it is hard seeing your child for only a few hours per day, especially when they are very young.

It's completely a decision you need to make for your family and it's never an easy decision to make. Good luck to you!

smynings_bride

I had the same concerns as you when I started DD in daycare at 9 weeks but I have no regrets.  I actually think it was a good experience for to be around other babies and her teachers because I think it's given her independence.  It's definitely rough the first few months, especially if the baby doesn't nap well at daycare, which ours didn't at first.  In terms of milestones, they are usually slowly evolving so you definitely get to see the progression.  I'd actually be happy if the teacher would tell me that she did something that day she'd never done before.  I didn't think of it as missing out.  DD took her first steps with my mother in law when we were in the other room getting dressed and it didn't bother me because every day she was changing and doing new things better and better and that's what you get to see every day that you are with them. 

We spend every waking moment with her out of daycare--we only use babysitters for after she's in bed--she goes to bed around 7.  I think it's a matter of making the most of the time with them while you are with them.  I feel the time away from her allows me to put my full energy and attention into her when we're together.  We also have a housekeeper so that we're not spending time cleaning that we'd rather spend with her and we get all of our mundane errands done while she naps.

MrsKLB

wuhhoo:

My son is in daycare. I'd be surprised if any working mom says they get to spend "enough" time with their child. That is definitely something you're giving up if you go to work. IMO it is a tough balance. I've found my daycare is really great at teaching my DS and doing some things that I'm not sure I would be able to do. Each day, he hears multiple languages and does art and music. He also gets to socialize with 'friends' and learns to share. My son seems really happy there and that reaffirms my decision, for me. We can also splurge more on family trips / experiences since we are both working.

Also, while it's never been mentioned, it seems to me that my daycare has a unsaid practice not to mention major milestones to parents until they know they've done it at home. For instance, I've never come to pick him up and they say, you missed his first steps today or his first word. At the same time, it is hard seeing your child for only a few hours per day, especially when they are very young.

It's completely a decision you need to make for your family and it's never an easy decision to make. Good luck to you!

I could have written this exactly!  

No, you never feel like you get to spend *enough* time with your children.  It is important for me to remember that it is the quality of time I spend with my children that counts, though.  I would always love more time with them, but I think there are a lot of benefits to being exposed to other caregivers and other children and new environments.   My son is almost 3 and has been in daycare since he was 12 weeks old.  I don't feel like I've missed a single milestone with him.  Good luck with whatever you decide!

dleigh2020

MrsKLB:

wuhhoo:

My son is in daycare. I'd be surprised if any working mom says they get to spend "enough" time with their child. That is definitely something you're giving up if you go to work. IMO it is a tough balance. I've found my daycare is really great at teaching my DS and doing some things that I'm not sure I would be able to do. Each day, he hears multiple languages and does art and music. He also gets to socialize with 'friends' and learns to share. My son seems really happy there and that reaffirms my decision, for me. We can also splurge more on family trips / experiences since we are both working.

Also, while it's never been mentioned, it seems to me that my daycare has a unsaid practice not to mention major milestones to parents until they know they've done it at home. For instance, I've never come to pick him up and they say, you missed his first steps today or his first word. At the same time, it is hard seeing your child for only a few hours per day, especially when they are very young.

It's completely a decision you need to make for your family and it's never an easy decision to make. Good luck to you!

I could have written this exactly!  

No, you never feel like you get to spend *enough* time with your children.  It is important for me to remember that it is the quality of time I spend with my children that counts, though.  I would always love more time with them, but I think there are a lot of benefits to being exposed to other caregivers and other children and new environments.   My son is almost 3 and has been in daycare since he was 12 weeks old.  I don't feel like I've missed a single milestone with him.  Good luck with whatever you decide!

I agree with everything they said. I really focus on making the time I do have with them count. It makes it a little but easier if you love the place you are leaving them each day. 

slwprincess

Daycare is tough- that's no secret.  It gets easier over time, but it will NEVER be "easy" to leave your child with someone else.  It takes some time to adjust but there are pros to it as well as the cons.  I have chosen to focus my attention on the pros and take a glass half full perpsective.  Both of my kids thrive in daycare.  DS especially needs the routine and really struggles without it.  DD has learned so much in daycare that I know I would have never even thought to work on at home with her.  They both blow me away everyday with how much they learn.  They both play well with others and easily adapt to new situations.  They are more well rounded than they would have been staying home with me all day- I just realize that I'm not able to provide enough stimulation/education for them 24 hrs/7 days a week.  Instead, we focus on quality time in the evenings and weekends and make the most of it.  Now, I will say that having 2 in daycare has been MUCH harder on me... financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, its just been a drain.  After MUCH thought and internal debate, I am planning to go part time later this year after DS starts GA Pre-K just so that I can have the best of both worlds. 

donna&ed

It really depends on a lot of factors...your kid, your state of mind, your finances, etc. Trust your instinct. You will know the right call.

For me, daycare was the best option. I love my kids but I don't think I am the 24X7 kind of Mom too. I need a lil break from time to time and I think that's what makes me a better mom to them. I enjoy every moment I have with them and make it count. With that said, I made sure that I provided my kids with the best care, and be willing to pay whatever it cost. We are fortunate because we found a place that both of my kids enjoy going to and I I have a peace of mind that they are well taken care of.

When my second child was born...my dh, asked me the same question when we had our first...."Do you want to quit work?" I happily said, "Yes, but do I get to keep the kids at daycare?" No, such luck, so I am back at work...LOL! I tell coworkers that my work is my "resting" place and a perfect place for me to seat in peace.

doctryan

I put both my kids in daycare at 6 months. It was tough and there were days of guilt and feeling sad, but I feel that it has made a huge difference in their socialization and being ready for school. Most of my guilt was about worrying that I would regret not spending everyday with them. I can say now that they are 3 and 5 I do not feel like I have missed out on them growing up in anyway. 

 I think one of the difficulties of putting a baby in daycare is that they can't communicate yet. But as they grow and talk and you develop a bond that is more obviously bi-directional, these decisions are easier. 

As someone else said, you just have to do what is best for you and your family. Then that will be your  routine and everything will fall in place around it.